Sometimes it feels like toddlers whine more when their moms are around. Turns out, that is actually true. Being a mother comes with many challenges, and a lot of those challenges are different than those that fathers face. The connection a mother and child have is different than the one father and child have. For this reason, children behave differently around their parents. For mothers, that often means they have to endure more whining and tantrums from their toddlers. This may seem unfair, and maybe it is, but it's based on the relationship between mother and child that causes this.
Toddlers Feel More Comfortable Around Mom
According to Karen Dudley, a child-development specialist at UCLA who spoke with Parents.com, children feel more comfortable expressing how they feel around the primary caregiver. In most cases, this is usually the mother. With moms, children feel like they can let go and express how they feel, because they believe that their mom will make it better. This is what then leads to more whining.
So while your child may feel more comfortable whining around you, know that that also means they feel safest around you. They feel secure letting you know how they feel, whether that is in the form of a laugh or cry.
Toddlers Brains Are Developing
The increased whining around mothers is also due to the brain development of your toddler. Your toddler is beginning to remember more, so they will be more mindful of your reaction to their actions, which can also lead to further feelings of safety around you.
Dudley also explained that children in the toddler stage are beginning to learn how their relationships with others work, including how to push boundaries. It's why, when your child knows they shouldn't throw food, they may give you a smile before doing it.
It isn't easy, being the parent that spends the most time around your child. You get the added bonus of being trusted the most, but you also have to deal with a lot more whining. So here are some tips on how to prevent whining before it happens and what to do when it happens anyway.
How To Prevent Whining
Most of the time, toddlers whine because they want your attention. So the most effective way to prevent them from whining is to give them your undivided attention and keep them from getting bored. Of course, it's understandable if you aren't able to pay attention to them as much as they might want, but try to take a break from whatever you are working on to respond to them as often as possible.
Keep an eye out for their frustration. If you notice they are started to get frustrated at whatever they are playing with, go over to help them or find them a new activity to do.
When your toddler uses their normal voice to ask for something, praise them. Thank them for speaking normally to you rather than whining about whatever it is that they wanted.
Lastly, just pay attention to their physical needs. If your child is tired or hungry, then they are more likely to be cranky. This seems obvious, but as parents, we often get swept up in so many other things that need done, like laundry or dishes, that we sometimes don't realize how long it's been since our toddler ate lunch and might need a snack.
What To Do When They Start Whining
The hardest but most important thing to do is stay calm. It's also important to not just give in. Ask your child to speak to you with their normal voice, and then try to help them. Offer them an alternative if you can't give them what they want, like fruit instead of the requested candy.
If this doesn't work, try to distract them. Mention how they get to see grandma tomorrow, ask them for a hug, or maybe snuggle up for a movie. It also is good to remind your child that whining is not okay.
If you are just exhausted from handling your child's tantrums, it might help to let your child spend more time with other family members so that you don't have to face the brunt of it. Once your toddler starts feeling safe around other family members, like dad or grandma, then you will stop experiencing the majority of the tantrums. Moms aren't superhuman, and sharing the difficulty of parenting is okay.
Sources: First Cry Parenting, Parents, What To Expect