Teens these days are much different from generations past. They have grown up with smartphones, surfing the web, and social media. They are more complex; they grow up faster; they have real mental health problems that are more than just teenage drama. It's not a wonder we treat them more like adults.
While they are capable of a lot, they are still kids. Expecting too much from them can turn out poorly for both the parent and child. Each may walk away feeling angry and frustrated, says Education Week.
To build on your relationship and foster their belief in themselves, it's essential that we make sure they are capable of doing what we are asking for. It's okay to lower your expectations. It doesn't mean you or your child is a failure by any means. In fact, you may find that you have a stronger bond than ever.
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10 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Be Like You
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As parents, we are our children's biggest influences. Yes, there is a lot that comes from peer pressure, friends, and social media, but don't underestimate the power you have as a parent. However, in the same breath, you can't overestimate your power as a parent.
9 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Know Everything
When we as parents ask our children to do something, even a simple thing, like clean their room, we need to be sure that they know what is expected of them. For example, they should not throw everything in their closet and call it clean.
We never handed them a book and expected them to know how to read. We taught them. We never handed them a pencil and expected them to write their name. We taught them. Everything they know how to do has been learned, and that doesn't change because they look a little more like an adult than a toddler. Believe in your child, have patience, you were young once too.
8 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Pay Attention To Everything You Say
So let's get one thing straight, teens have little to no attention span when it comes to something they don't care about. Not that your teen doesn't care about you, just not about your lecture on how to load a dishwasher, and properly fold towels.
School is a little different. They know they need to pay attention and focus on that. Free time, though, is when they shut off their brains. They want to play games with their friends, or scroll through snap chat and TikTok. They are a little self-involved. They will outgrow it, hopefully.
7 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Be Perfect
There is a lot of pressure out there when you look at social media and compare what your friend's teen is doing versus yours. I hate to break this to you; people rarely post bad stuff. Of course, you see how wonderful their kids are doing, who doesn't like to brag about their kids? Just know, it isn't always that way. There is a lot you don't see.
6 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Praise You
I know this was mentioned before, but it bears repeating, teens are very self-absorbed. This is just who they are. Think back to when you were their age, were you walking around thanking your mother for everything they did for you? No, you didn't. At that time, you didn't even know half of what goes into being a parent. Any good parent can tell you, raising kids is hard!
5 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Tell You Everything
When they were young, your kids couldn't wait to come home and tell you what happened at school that day. As they grow, that slowly starts to fade. As teens, it's rare. They are at an age where privacy is essential. They don't always want you to know every little detail.
The Center For Parenting Educations says, there are two Common Mistakes Parents Make:
- One is to abandon children by letting go too early (for example, not checking your middle schooler's social media posts) before they are ready to handle increased responsibility.
- The second error is to let go too late (for example, insisting on reading all of your teen's texts) which doesn't empower children by not giving them the freedom that their good judgment and behavior indicate they can handle.
4 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Act Like Adults
Yes, you taught them manners, and they still use them, just not as much as you would like. Look at their maturity level; they are smack in the middle of puberty. Yes, they look more like adults, but they aren't quite there. Let them be kids while they can.
3 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Do What You Think Is Right
Think about the sensitive topics you might discuss at home. Religion, politics, or sexual orientation. It’s okay to express your view points, but as your child becomes a teenager, they will be making their opinions and choices on those subjects.
While they might be heavily influenced by you, they might go in the opposite direction too, it’s okay. Learn to let them be who they are going to be. Every child deserves to grow up to be their own person and loved just the same.
2 Stop Expecting Your Teen To Get Perfect Grades
All A's and a B on their report card? That's amazing, don't turn that one B into being disappointed in their work; they obviously put forth effort. That goes the same for kids trying to bring up their grades. If they bring it up, they bring it up. They tried. Don't expect perfection from them. They deserve more than that.
According to The Washington Post, perfectionism is caused by a variety of factors, not just parents. Young adults have described pressure to appear flawless in every domain, often effortlessly so — in schoolwork, athletics, activities, and looks — since the early 2000s. Social media has raised the bar in the pursuit of teen perfection, introducing a place where the drive to project success, as much as a wish to connect, draws youth like moths to the digital flame.
1 Stop Expecting The Worst From Your Teen
If your teen comes to you with an issue and your first words are, "Ugh, what did you do now?" How do you think that makes them feel? Like a constant screw up? Yes. According to the AAP adolescence is naturally filled with opportunities for trial and error and ultimately success. Your challenge is to make sure your adolescent learns from day-to-day mistakes rather than viewing them as catastrophes. At the same time, we need to be vigilant in helping your teen avoid those errors that could cause irreparable harm.
Sources:
Growing up Faster, Feeling Older: Hardship in Childhood and Adolescence
Adolescents' Changing Future Expectations Predict the Timing of Adult Role Transitions
American Academy of Pediatrics