Trying to effectively communicate with teens can prove to be a difficult thing to do. When parents think they are imparting wisdom or are attempting to help teens to remember to do what is required of them, many times it can come across as a lecture. When teens feel like they are being lectured, they want nothing to do what is being expressed to them and may choose not to listen at all.

Lecturing makes teens feel like their parents do not want to hear what they have to say, are not given an opportunity to defend themselves, and are incapable of thinking for themselves. As such, when moms lecture, they can prove to be completely ineffective. After all, teens only hear negative things when moms lecture, if they are listening at all.

According to EmpoweringParents.com, the reason that parents lecture is that they want to teach their teens the right way to do things. How to be responsible in life when parents are not there to guide them. But what teens are hearing when they are being lectured is that they are incapable of making decisions on their own and that any and all choices they make are the wrong ones.

When the norm is to get a lecture on a daily basis, the knowledge attempting to be imparted from parent to teen is lost because teens begin to tune out what is said. No one wants to hear why or how they have done something wrong over and over again. And because of this, any effectiveness that lectures ever seemed to have become lost on teens.

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Here is what teens hear when their mom is lecturing if they are listening at all.

Teens Shut Down When Criticism Is Involved

When lecturing begins, it can start off as a form of criticism for an act that teens have done. And if the criticism is the first thing that teens hear, they will tune out any and everything else being said. No matter how many pearls of wisdom are being dolled out.

According to Wired, when teens are criticized by their mothers, they experience a strong negative reaction to what is being said. That reaction does not just last during the lecture, however. It can last for some time after. And as a result, per the publication, teens may have a harder time regulating their emotions or seeing things from other people's perspectives.

As such, moms may want to try communicating with their teens in a way other than via criticism. Nothing gets accomplished and teens just become angrier as a result.

Teens May Feel Like They Cannot Be Trusted When Lectured Constantly

As teens work on becoming more independent, they are going to make decisions that affect their lives that parents may be none too fond of. When this happens, parents may feel like they need to "lay down the law" and provide lectures at every turn. Something that will only prove to make teens feel like they cannot be trusted, no matter what it is that they do.

According to Developmental Science, when teens feel like their autonomy is being threatened by parents micromanaging them or trying to control their lives, it can cause teens to shut down. They feel like they cannot be trusted. And even though they have the ability to make decisions that will positively affect their lives, if never given the opportunity to do so or have rules that are seen as far too strict, teens will rebel. And when this happens, no amount of lectures is going to get them back.

As such, try to be a teen's "consultant" versus their "manager," per the publication. This will give teens a say in their lives and lectures will not be necessary. Keeping teens from shutting down and proving that they can make good decisions on their own.

Teens Feel Like Their Parents Think They Are Incompetent

If every conversation with moms feels like it is going to be a lecture, teens are going to avoid them at all costs, according to Family Lives. Something that is not surprising if teens are only made to feel incompetent at the end of each lecture that occurs.

Many teens feel like the only reason their parents talk to them is so that they can pick at them, according to the publication. Something that can erode the foundation of the relationship between teens and parents. As such, most of what is said on a frequent basis is tuned out by teens in this position, especially if there is no other light and fun communication between teens and parents.

If parents take an interest in their teens' lives in a way that does not make them feel judged or incompetent, the more apt they are to engage. And that is something all parents want for their teens.

Too Many Lectures Make Teens Feel They Are Being Judged

When parents judge their teens on a consistent basis, teens feel bad about themselves. And while being judgy is not necessarily the intent of moms, lecturing consistently only makes teens feel judged. Something that leads teens to tune out anything being said.

According to Parenting Today's Teens, when moms only point out "areas that need improvement" they are telling their children that regardless of what they are accomplishing, it is not good enough. Consistently giving lectures with this tone will cause teens to tune out any and everything being said. And when this is done, moms are doing nothing but wasting their breath because lectures are being lost on deaf ears.

Source: EmpoweringParents.com, Wired, Developmental Science, Family Lives, Parenting Today's Teens