Disagreeing is a very natural and healthy experience between two partners. Arguments will arise in the duration of your partnership/marriages, and it's ok. It's ok to get heated every once in a while but it's important not to share those negative, low moments in front of your little ones. Never forget: children soak up everything. They feed off of your energy and as their parents and/or guardians, they learn from what they see. No one is perfect and there will be moments in our parenthood journey that we won't be proud of. But in order to avoid arguments in front of the children, here are 10 tips how.
It's important to check in every once in a while and breathe when you're feeling that your breaths have become shallow. They often do when negative emotions arrive. When you feel as if an argument with your partner is about to rise, breathe.
Listen to your breath and ensure you're breathing into your stomach. When you do this, you connect with the moment. It may allow you to act rationally rather than fight infant of the child/children.
9 CONSIDER THEIR PERSPECTIVE
Always put into your mind the way your child will perceive the argument. Age depending, they may not fully understand or care what you're actually arguing about. When you fight in front of the child, they may internalize it into a personal attack. Children thrive off of a positive environment. When their parents and/or guardians argue in front of them, they often, automatically assume it's about them. So, think about how your child will perceive this argument before you go at it.
It's incredibly important, yet often difficult, to come at a place of respect when you disagree with a partner. Try to never put your partner down or criticize them to lower their self esteem.
It's important to openly express how you feel without being disrespectful towards one another. So, next time you disagree, switch the tone. When you argue in a respectful way, the child will pick up on this. Baby-see, baby-do.
7 PRETEND YOU'RE IN PUBLIC
Would you every argue the way you do in private as you would in public? Likely not! So, next time you're about to spark fire with your partner in front of your children, pretend they're the general public. Often, you'll switch tones and topic. This is a great and creative way to avoid arguments in front of your children.
Sometimes the best you can do is re-direct your children. Whether you encourage them to watch a show in their play space or ask them to go to the mail box for you (age permitting), you may just need to have them leave your space. Yes, there are many options to opt in to rather than yell and scream in front of your child, but when you're in a mature, heated subject with your partner you know may not be appropriate for your young child's ears, re-direct as needed. You're only human and it's ok if you can't not yell every once in a while. As long as you're 'respectful' as suggested above.
5 WRITE A LETTER
Sometimes during arguments, it's hard to get across everything you want especially when there's another individual defending their view point. Writing a letter not only ensures you get all the points you need to get across without interruption, but it's also quiet.
Yes, quiet. You can write your heart out even in front of your children, or in the privacy of your own space. Writing a letter ensures your child will not be traumatized by an argument between two parents.
4 WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH
Also remember: what do you want to accomplish in this argument? Are you simply arguing to release built-up stress that you've been harbouring? Are you upset with a choice your partner made without your consent or guidance? Ensure that the argument is worth it. Especially if it's done in front of a child. If there's no other option that to argue in front of the child, ensure you know what you want out of it. It may not always end up the way you'd like.
3 ASK FOR YOUR PARTNER'S HELP
If you can both collectively agree to help each other out before you even argue, it may be a great way to save stress for when you're with your child. If you notice a feeling arise and you can point out how you feel, your partner may be able to calm you down before any fight begins- especially when it's in front of your children. Partnerships take work and it takes a lot of patience. So, if your partner can calm you down before things get too heated, you can avoid a messy outburst before it even begins.
2 CHANGE YOUR INTENTION
In the midst of an argument, feelings and emotions can arise that you never knew would come up. Often, arguing with a partner can trigger the pain that you're feeling without knowing or being warned. So, when you feel these nasty feelings arise, you can change our intent. Remember why you both began the argument and reflect on the actual issue. You may not be arguing over who put gas in the car last, and may actually be upset at the fact of how forgetful your partner is. Get to the root of the issue and acknowledge your intention for bringing up the topic.
1 DON'T PARTAKE
Sometimes it can be as simple as walking away. As disrespectful as this may seem, if the children are present you may just want to walk away before things get heated. You know your partner the best. So, if they are unable to cope with the suggestions above, perhaps it's time to walk away from an argument you know is useless or inappropriate in front of your child and/or children.