When it comes to parenting, there are so many different ways to be a parent. When a mom welcomes her first child, it can take a bit before she understands her parenting style and that style is likely to evolve over time. As her child grows, and she becomes more experienced as a mom, she will make minor adjustments to the way she parents.

There are so many “styles” to choose from, but they all come down to two basic theories: Fear or Trust-based parenting. It can be so challenging to know and understand what the “right” way to parent is because everyone’s child and situation is unique. All a mom can do is look at either side of the spectrum and decide which style is going to work best for them.

When you can look at two different sides, you are presented with all the facts which will help you determine which style of parenting is going to work for you and your family. It is also acceptable to have a mix of both, because sometimes, situations call for a little bit of both worlds. We are going to be evaluating each side of the parenting spectrum before deciding which one may be best for your family.

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Fear-Based Parenting

Fear-based parenting involves a lot of restrictions that are meant to protect and guide a child, according to Parents. When a parent uses fear-based parenting, they tend to be overprotective and rarely let their child get into situations that are tough or uncomfortable. It is the from of parenting where the word “no” often becomes the default answer and that can be damaging, because it immediately closes the door to any form of communication. It can mean your children do not come to you with a question or problem, because they have learned that you are just going to say no anyway.

It also involves a lot of sheltering, and while it is understandable that a parent wants to protect their child from danger or harm, it can be hindering in not allowing them to make mistakes and learn from them. It also always seems to come across as suspicious. When a parent is parenting based on fear, they are always skeptical of what their children are doing. They are always asking what is in their child’s hand or what they were doing. The problem comes in when it is seen as accusatory, and this can make a child hide more from mom and dad.

Trust-Based Parenting

Trust-based parenting is almost the complete opposite of fear-based, and it relies more on trusting your child and the decisions they make, according to Psychology Today. It is about giving them as much freedom as possible and letting them make their own decision. This form of parenting can be hard for parents to follow, because it appears to go against the “mom is boss” mindset that moms think they need to have.

It is also reported that trust-based parenting is the most natural and stress-free from of parenting for all involved. Parents who are using trust-based parenting tend to be less fearful of the world around them, and they put more faith in their child’s abilities.

It was also noted that trust-based parenting does not play on mom and dad’s own fears and insecurities –it is OK to not be worried about your child getting perfect grades or getting into that Ivy League college. It means parents should instead just let their children be and trust that their children are competent and able to handle a lot of life’s messes.

Which One Is Best?

There may not be an answer to this question. A big difference between the two forms of parenting is that one form supports the child’s development, and the other guides it. It is likely impossible to determine which one is “better” than the other. There can be instances where each style is needed. Saying “no” all the time may not be advised, but if your child is about to do something dangerous, "no" is something that is quick and going to work. Maybe the answer is to evaluate the parenting style you are using and see where you can make changes.

According to HuffPost, it may be helpful to look at your parenting and see if you are parenting from trust or fear. Are you guiding your child a certain way because you are afraid of the outcome if they go the other way? If that is true, what is the other option, and is it so terrifying that you need to steer your child away? At the end of it all, mom needs a style that works for her and her child and makes everyone happy.

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Sources: Psychology Today, Parents, HuffPost