They say having kids changes your entire life. They say you will never know a love quite like it. They say parenthood is the best thing in the world and the reason why we are all here in the first place. However, what they don't say is that you will never experience life on your own ever again, or at least briefly anyway.
That's right, from the minute your children are born, they are attached to you forever, following you wherever you go, and never giving you one moment of peace. Yes, young children, and especially toddlers, can be exceptionally clingy and love to show this attitude by following you all over the place. Here are 10 things that you can never do alone when you have a toddler.
10 Go To The Toilet
Going to the bathroom is one of the most private things a person can do. Yes, sometimes it can be nice to spend those extra few minutes alone, thinking about the days gone by, and relaxing for a few precious moments before entering back into the world of chaos. However, once you have a child you can say goodbye to personal bathroom trips and hello to, "don't touch that it's dirty", "don't do that it's dirty" and "please just stand over there". In fact, it will probably be a good 7 years before you can experience sitting on the toilet alone again, so you might as well get used to it.
Love it or hate it, cleaning is always going to be a factor in one's life, whether you have children or not. However, once you have children, it becomes increasingly difficult to clean, or at least clean quickly. Yes, for some reason, toddlers are just desperate to "help" and do anything they can to get in on the act. Sadly, this "help" is actually more trouble than it is worth and ironically ends with more mess than you originally had in the first place. Unfortunately, this need to help only lasts for a few years, abruptly ending once they reach those dreaded teenage years. Not sure which one is worse?
8 The Grocery Store
Before becoming a parent, going to the grocery was a doddle, right? Sometimes you could get in and out within ten minutes, sometimes you would stay in there for hours, gliding down the aisles and looking at what is on offer. Sadly, this stops once having children, with the grocery store becoming your absolute worst nightmare.
In fact, the grocery store ends up being the most stressful place in the world, leaving you to keep putting it off until you and your family are eating instant mashed potato and chips. Yes, the grocery store is where toddlers really know how to be at their worst, screaming and shouting at every item possible, all while putting things in their pocket and walking out of the store with it.
Sleeping used to be so much fun when you didn't have children; you could stay up late, spread out, and wake up whenever you wanted. However, sleeping after kids is actually a completely different experience. Firstly, there is no sleep, not until they are a little bit older anyway. Even then, you don't sleep much, with toddlers insisting on sleeping in your bed because there are monsters or other creepy things lurking under their bed. Furthermore, toddlers seem to take up a huge amount of space despite their tiny size, leaving you perched on the end of the bed with a foot in your mouth.
6 Alone With Your Other Kid
After having one child you have probably become used to the fact that you'll probably never have a moment alone ever again. Maybe you have come to terms with the fact that you'll never go to the bathroom alone again, or the fact that you will have to share your bed with a miniature person for the next few years. However, what you didn't expect was the fact that your firstborn will also want to be included in everything that your second born does. Yes, from changing their nappy to breastfeeding, your firstborn will be right there watching your every move.
5 Preparing Food
Back in the day, preparing food was something you probably used to enjoy, something that you used to look forward to. Maybe you would cook for people, or invite friends over for a casual dinner. Sadly, this is not only impossible once having kids, but even simple things such as making cereal or getting a drink of water can be extremely difficult.
Yes, as soon as you walk into the kitchen your kid is right behind you, asking what you are doing and if they can help. Therefore, it is unlikely that you are going to use a big knife to chop things up or even heat up some water to boil things. You could always live off takeaways?
4 Brush Your Teeth
One of the best ways to get your children to do certain things is to show them that you can do it too. Yes, children learn by imitation, therefore it is a good idea to do things such as washing your face together or brushing your teeth. However, although it might be a great way to learn new skills, it also means that they will forever want to do these things with you.
Yes, every time you brush your teeth, you kid will want to brush their teeth, leaving you with toothpaste running down your face because you have to hold your kid's toothbrush and stop them from putting it in their ear.
If you are lucky, you might be able to escape for a few hours while your child is at preschool or with another family member. Sadly, not everybody gets that luxury, with some parents having to work from home. In this case, working from home mostly means being distracted by children. Yes, as soon as you get your laptop out, your kids suddenly decide that now is the time that they want to watch cartoons. However, the television is not good enough, with your kid now demanding that they watch cartoons on the laptop that they have just seen you take out and attempt to work from. Ahh, kids are smart little things.
2 A Cup Of Coffee
Having a solitary cup of coffee can be one of the most relaxing things in the world. Whether it be waking up in the morning and drinking a cup in front of the television or even going to a coffee shop and reading a book, a cup of coffee can really brighten up your day. Sadly, this is near enough impossible once you have had children, with your kids either demanding that they have a coffee too or distracting you so much that by the time you've gone back to your drink it's stone-cold with bits floating around in it.
To be honest, you won't actually be able to do anything alone once you have had children, from ironing to talking on the phone, your kids will be there looking at you, wanting your attention or just randomly shouting at you for no reason. However, although this might sound painful (and it is a bit) you also wouldn't change it for the world. Yes, having children can be extremely stressful but it is also one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, even if you do have a child staring at you while you are trying to do a number two.