The Reality After Birth: 20 Truths Couples Wish They Knew Before

"And they lived happily ever after..." is the ending to many of the most beloved tales that we grew up with. Snow White and her prince charming rode off into the sunset and lived a life full of love for one another. Sleeping Beauty and Prince Philip never stopped growing fond of one another. Cinderella and her prince enjoyed a lifetime of bliss and passion. That is what we were taught at a young age. Well, brainwashed is more like it because as we all know, the reality is far from a bed of roses.

After marriage, a couple will usually start a family and begin yet another phase in life. The relationship of married couples change drastically with the arrival of a baby (or two or three) and to our surprise, we are never really prepared to face the changes that come along.

If we thought that we would still view our spouses and loved ones in the same manner as before, then we were dead wrong. With the addition of new family members, the illusion of 'happily ever after' is shattered to reveal the nitty-gritty truth, and that the word 'family' comes not only with love but with a heck lot of unwanted baggage.

20 You'll Find Him Annoying

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Do you remember what first attracted you to your partner? Was it the way he laughed? Were you drawn by his attentiveness? Or perhaps his drive to succeed in his workplace? And when you both finally moved in together, did you find his little habits endearing?

Maybe you would chuckle every time he forgot to bring his mug to the sink. Or laughed whenever he snored in his sleep.

Well, now that there's a baby in the house, do you find what was initially endearing to you about your partner now annoying?

Does his locomotive snoring drive you crazy at night? We all know you need some quality sleep after battling it out with a baby who loves waking up in the middle of the night for a baby talk session.

And do you wish he would just stop picking his nose in front of the kids and maybe, just maybe, remember to put the lid down every time after he is done with the bathroom? Many things about your spouse will begin to irk you to no end when your baby comes.

19 He'll Seem Unsupportive

Sometimes when the baby is crying and the kitchen sink is full of dirty plates and bottles, don't you just wish your partner would pick his ass up from the couch and start doing the dishes, and maybe some laundry?

Or when the baby is unwell and you yourself are under the weather, wouldn't it lift your spirits up if your spouse helped to take the trash out or that he prepared a simple meal for you both?

But the opposite could not be truer. Your spouse is instead shouting at you for not keeping the house clean and asking you to resign from your work to stay at home to look after the kids.

18 He'll Be Sick A Lot

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So you have a fever, cough, flu and even a horrible migraine. You still had to get out of bed to change your baby's diaper, feed him or her milk and put the baby to bed.

Enter your spouse with flu, he becomes practically catatonic and cannot even speak to you.

You are expected to wait on him hand and foot while tending to your baby as well. Hmm, guess there are two babies in the house now. One who can still play with his smartphone even though he is unable to walk to the kitchen to take a cup of water for himself.

17 It's All About The Money, Money, Money

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It is inevitable that couples will have financial issues after having a child. It will be even more evident how money will affect their lives when they have more than one baby.

Diapers, baby food, insurance and healthcare, education funds, toys, and whatnots...all cost money.

So yes, a relationship will change drastically with the couple being more focused on their income and expenditures once the family grows. There will be days when conversations will revolve around money and nothing else. Talk about anything else and your spouse’s eyes will droop. Mention the word 'money' and he will perk up in no time.

16 Closeness? What Closeness?

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After having battled a whole day at work and putting your baby to bed, the last thing that most of us women have in mind would be to have a rendezvous with our partners.

We would very much rather hit the sack or just have a relaxing night in front of the TV.

Closeness with our spouse might have turned us on at one time, but now, it is probably one of the things we dread the most. Some who end up engaging in some momentary fun between the sheets will fake their calls of ecstasy, others find excuses to avoid all sorts of contacts while many more flat out give their partners 'the look' before rolling over to the other side of the bed for a much-needed snooze.

Goodbye Fifty Shades of Grey. We'd much rather have shades over our eyes right now.

15 Tempers Will Flare

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If there was once a time that you and your partner were tolerant of each others' flaws, then you might find that the level of tolerance drops significantly with each baby.

In fact, there might be zero tolerance towards one another. Tempers will flare a lot after the birth of the baby. If you feel that you are right in having spent some money on baby puffs then you would take a stand.

No backing down this time. Who cares if the both of you scream profanities at each other over baby food? This means war now.

14 You'll Love Your Baby More Than Your Partner

Via Charlotte Parent

One of the most surprising thing that catches a newborn parent unawares is how much love they can have for their child. In fact, most parents find that they love their babies more than they do their partners.

After all, the baby was a part of mommy's body for nine whole months. People go through a lot in nine months you know. And the baby was part of daddy's sperm bank for a few days.

Guys experience a lot too in a span of just a few days. Heh. But the fact is, our children will always have a special place in our hearts that our spouse will never be able to fill.

13 You'll Appreciate Each Other Less

With a lot less room for love towards one another, we tend to pay less attention to our partners. Couple that with the fact that you have a little helpless baby who needs your utmost attention, you just will not have the energy nor the desire to care for another being.

Especially not one who is capable of making coffee for himself every morning. You don't think about thanking your spouse for making a cup for you too because, at the back of your mind, you deserve it after having been up all night looking after the baby while your spouse got to have his beauty sleep.

Now, this is a sign of not appreciating one another. We take our partners' actions for granted and expect them to appreciate us in return.

12 Being Nice And Kind No Longer Applies

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'Please ' and 'thank you' go a long way. However, after having been together for some time, the facade of the gentleman and the poised lady starts to wear off.

In its place, we get spouses who grouse about one another, push each other out of the way and fart in one another's face. It gets even more extreme with the arrival of the baby.

Etiquette gets thrown out of the window and spouses witness each other's transformations into complete strangers who have no manners and patience towards one another. Oh, this mutation while scary is inevitable. To a certain extent of course.

11 Conversations Will Revolve Around The Kids

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Remember the time when you were still dating? You could talk about practically anything under the sun for hours and hours. During the honeymoon phase, you could still hold a decent yet passionate conversation before going to bed.

You too might have noticed that after having been in a relationship for a few years, the duration of your conversations will shorten drastically. With the arrival of the baby, however, you might talk to one another longer but the basis that the conversation would revolve mainly around your children.

Other than that, the two of you might not even have a talk that can go beyond ten words.

10 Personal Time Will Take A Back Seat

There was a time when you could spend hours on the phone with friends or just have a relaxing girls' night out with friends. You could even lay on the sofa and enjoy a plate of cheese and crackers while watching your favorite reruns of Friends.

Nowadays, calls from friends are answered in hushed tones so as not to wake up the baby that is if you managed to even answer your phone in the first place. And personal times have been reduced to 5 minutes of peace in the bathroom before your baby starts crying a river.

9 Date Nights Will Be Rare

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When we were kids, we probably wondered why mum and dad were so unromantic. We wondered why they seldom dressed up for another and have nights out together so we could have a few hours of freedom.

Now as parents ourselves, a part of us finally understands why. The first few years of caring for the baby (or babies) have rendered date nights to something of a rarity. And when the babies grow into toddlers as well as preschoolers and then morph into teenagers, the practice of dating would have eventually died out.

8 Daily Schedules Will Revolve Around Baby

Where once you could plan a trip to Bali for the weekend and then jet set to the beaches of the Caribbean, you now have to plan your days around your baby.

Sure you could book a ticket to the Maldives but if your baby catches a viral infection, then all your plans would have to go down the drain. Or maybe you wanted to go for girls' night out or just chill somewhat the local coffee shop...your personal time but this all boils down to your child.

Is there anyone to help look after him or her? Is she feeling fine and dandy? Are you able to let go and just enjoy yourself or go about with your normal routine without being bogged down by worries for your child? Such will be the questions that will plague you when you become a mombie (aka zombie mom).

7 You Might Lose Your Sense Of Identity

Being a mother is no walk in the park. As a young lady who hadn't yet carried the identity of a mother, you were first and foremost a woman, a wife, and an employee.

You had a clear view of what was required of you.

But when the baby (or babies) came along, you started devoting all your attention and channeling all your energy into your child. Your very existence will revolve around them.

From the moment you wake up, you will tend to them. Every cry, every laugh and every milestone that they achieve will be etched in your memory bank. So much so that your child's presence becomes your very source of livelihood. Where once your career came first and looking good was a priority, you now question yourself for what and who you truly are.

Some women become confused and depressed because they have trouble identifying with who they have become. But let it be known that we are still who we are. Do not let motherhood overwhelm yourself. Chill and relax. Heh. Easier said than done.

6 Divorce Will Be A Temptation

With all the attention spent on the baby, this will leave very little time and energy for both mum and dad to truly connect and care for one another. Often times, parents end up arguing and going to bed angry.

They forget why they fell in love in the first place and no longer bother to be kind and gentle with one another. When this happens, marriage will either end in divorce or miraculously become stronger.

Most couples opt for divorce, believing it to be the easier way out (mentally and emotionally) but they forget the impact it will have on their children in the future. So regardless of how sour the relationship might be at the moment, hang in there. There is truly a light at the end of the tunnel.

Signing the papers should be only the last resort.

5 Arguments Will Be A Norm

As mentioned earlier, arguments will be an everyday thing from now on.

Couples will argue over pacifiers (where did you put it? I can't find it!), baby diapers (I told you not to put the soiled diaper on the floor!), accidents (how on earth did you carry the baby? Look at the bump on his forehead!), teaching the child (no, we will not spank the child in this household!) and many other things.

In fact, couples will fight over the smallest issues from kitchenware to who should take out the trash. But from now on, this will be a part of your everyday life. So, as bad as it may sound, sometimes we just have to sick it in and choose our battles wisely so as not to have WW3 every day at home.

4 You'll Feel Unattractive

In the mornings, it is usually the mom who wakes up the earliest. They do the laundry, prepare breakfast and get the child ready. And at night, moms usually sleep the last. They have to clean up the mess and make sure everything is back in place before they can retire to bed.

Even when babies sleep, moms will not get a full night's rest. So the end result is a haggard and tired-looking mom.

Will they have time for prepping themselves though?

The answer is no. Time will elude them, often filled with hours of tending to the baby, cleaning up the mess and working their butts off. So they will have practically zero relationship with the mirror and their wardrobe.

It will take an enormous amount of willpower just to drag themselves to the mirror (clingy baby in hand) and to smear on some expired lipstick and if they're lucky, maybe put on a fresh shirt that doesn't smell of spit ups and milk. Plus even if they do get to take a good look in the mirror at themselves, they will probably scream in horror at the sunken-eyed and hollow-faced person looking back at them.


3 But, You'll Understand Your Spouse More

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As we see our spouse care for the little ones with tender loving care and strict fatherly manners, we grow to understand their temperaments more.

What makes them smile, what worries them, what irks them, what pushes their buttons? We will learn to know the inner workings of their minds.

From their interactions with the kids, we can see their characteristics that they had hidden from us prior to the birth of the little ones. Perhaps we didn't how they enjoyed watching sunsets, disliked toddlers touching their phones or that they hated Teletubbies.

Watching them care for the future generation can certainly open up our eyes to how our spouses truly are, deep down inside.

2 You'll Be Grateful For Him

We get to see a different side of our spouse, especially after the birth of the baby. Sometimes we get a glimpse of them gingerly carrying them, other times we see them struggling to change their soiled diapers while trying not to puke.

And more often than not, we see our spouses carrying the little ones on their broad shoulders and bring them for piggybacks even after having a long day at work. We see a side of them we never knew existed, which, along with their sacrifices and the love they display towards the kids, causes us to learn to appreciate them more.

1 And You'll Appreciate Your Family More

There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a family. And methinks the person who coined this was pure genius.

It truly takes more than just a mum and a dad to raise a child or two (or three or four)

Oftentimes, we need to rely on the steady help from our own parents, in-laws, siblings, extended family, and everyone in-between. And while we might not be able to tolerate Aunt Ann's annoying nagging and the constant nose-picking of Uncle Jim, we nevertheless learn to appreciate them for being willing to chip in a few hours (sometimes days) to help look after the little one.

References: Parenting.com, Babycenter.com.

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