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The Last Straw: 20 Moms Talk About What Made Them Finally Call The Divorce Lawyer

Some marriages aren't meant to last. Women who decide to end their marriages are often doing the right thing. When women get married, most expect to be happy with their spouses forever, but life is always changing, and some women end up unhappy. When kids are involved, divorces are serious. Children get hurt. For this reason, divorce isn't a decision to be taken lightly.

Forty to fifty percent of American marriages end in divorce, according to Apa.org.

Young children become more dependent after divorces, while older kids move towards independence. The only constant is change. The lives of children become very different after divorce. Of course, the lives of Moms change radically, too.

Moms who are considering divorce will benefit from reading every story on this list. These stories from real Moms who chose divorce may help uncertain Moms to make smart decisions about working on (or getting out of) their marriages. Women who are happy in their marriages will also get value from reading these because learning about the issues which led to other women's divorces can be beneficial in avoiding the pitfalls.

When things like communication, trust and romance fall by the wayside, divorce may follow. Moms who are married will always need to work on their relationships. Moms who divorce will need to try again.

20 She Chose Divorce To Become A Better Mom

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One woman who told her story at Huffpost.com felt that divorce was the "least terrible option" for herself and her kids. She wanted to be a great Mom and felt that her marriage problems were getting in the way of that. When she decided to leave, she had lots of reasons. She and her husband just weren't aligned in terms of their values and life goals. They were not on the same page.

But at the end of the day, she was plain and simple "miserable" in the marriage.

After she left, she focused on motherhood and says that her daughter enjoys post-divorce life more than she enjoyed living with Mom and Dad. Divorce is sometimes the right choice, for Moms and kids.

19 He Didn’t Start Trying Until She Threatened Divorce

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When a man decides to work on his marital relationship, after his wife is already considering divorce, his new commitment to the relationship may be too little, too late.

One woman let her husband know that she wanted to end the marriage, according to Divorcemag.com, and he responded by changing into the guy that she's wanted him to be all along. Unfortunately, too much had happened by that point.

Over time, resentment builds up and creates a critical mass. A bunch of little resentments add up to major dysfunction. Once resentment does hit critical mass, it's hard to fix things. It's not impossible, but it's really hard.

18 He Had Someone Else

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If you're married and your husband has someone else, you may not feel very married anyway. You may want out.

Rest assured, your feelings are valid. According to Divorcemag.com. it's very common for women to bail on their marriages due to him straying with someone else.

Women with college educations file for ninety percent of divorces. Women are frequently the ones who want out. In fact, this is the number one reason why women file for divorce.

Such a situation show the wife that she isn't loved as she believed she was. Lots of famous women have gone through this ordeal, including Gwen Stefani. Women leave because they want more. Who can blame them?

17 She Wanted To Build A Happier Future

Thebohochica.com

Happiness is the point of life. All of the things we do, from education to work to parenting to romance, are about building happiness. We want to create meaning that fulfills us. One woman who decided to end her marriage did so to boost her personal happiness quotient.

Clearly, she wasn't getting what she needed from the marriage. She wasn't laughing and smiling enough.

According to Equitablemediation.com, one woman found the process of divorce grueling but found it easier to heal when she spent time mulling over plans for the future, which were about living happily with her children. She used positive visualization in order to get through the worst moments of divorce.

16 She Wanted To Live With Integrity

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One Mom who stayed at home to raise the children while she was married made the decision to get a divorce because she didn't think that she could live with integrity while remaining in the marriage. She wanted to show her kids what a full, rich and happy life is, according to Equitablemediation.com.

By choosing divorce, she was preparing to live with more integrity, for her own sake, and for her kids. Her relationship wasn't respectful enough for her. Problems with her husband made it difficult for her to show her kids what a happy life is.

She suffered during the divorce, but knew it was for the best.

15 Her Ex Had Some Vices

Theholisticsanctuary.com

When we marry, most of us vow to stick it out in good times and bad, but we don't expect our partners to rely on vices for their happiness.

One woman did have a husband with a lot of vices and she couldn't take it anymore. According to Sbs.com.au, she was at the end of her rope, because her spouse was too involved with his addictions to be a responsible, caring husband and father.

While she found the process of separating from her partner to be a tough one and experienced plenty of anxiety, she kept moving forward with the divorce, because she was compelled to create a safer space for herself and her children.

14 Her Husband Was Too Controlling With Her And The Kids

Theindependent.co.uk

One woman found her husband way too controlling. He tried to control her and he tried to control the kids.

We can't really control other people. They might do what we want, to keep the peace or for another reason, but they still have their thoughts and feelings. Those thoughts and feelings belong to them.

Men who are too consumed with controlling others reveal a lot of insecurity. If they were stronger as human beings, they wouldn't need to boss their families around. According to Sbs.com.au, the woman decided that life away from her spouse's control was the only solution.

13 She Wanted More “Me” Time

Womenshealth.com.au

Some women shrug off the bonds of marriage because they want more "me" time, according to Sbs.com.au. After divorce, moms may find that they have a lot more time to go out at night, pursue hobbies and so on. Some women enjoy this more than others.

It's not every woman's experience that free time opens up after a divorce, especially when she had kids. Some moms have to work much harder to make ends meet and take care of parenting. Their free time may shrink until it's virtually non-existent. But some women do access more "me" time and love it.

12 She Started To Dislike Herself For Staying

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One woman named Maddie began to dislike herself for remaining in her marriage. She was tired of hoping things would get better, only to be disappointed, according to Sasforwomen.com. By leaving her marriage, she faced so many fears and began to respect herself again. She broke a negative pattern that was hurting her.

She tried hard to make her marriage work but eventually accepted the fact that it would always be troubled. Divorce can be a scary process. When women take the plunge and begin to work through their problems and emotions, they sometimes become empowered. This happened to Maddie. She didn't have to dislike herself anymore.

11 She Wanted To Work On Herself

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There's more to life than having a partner. Women are able to fulfill themselves in other ways, through career and hobbies and friendships and parenthood. One woman who decided that divorce was right for her did so because she wanted to work on herself, according to Sasforwomen.com. She wanted to become the person that she'd always dreamed of being. Her unhappy marriage was holding her back from a brighter future.

If you're thinking about leaving your marriage, education will help you. Use the education that you already have, or learn new things that make it easier for you to live out your dreams.

10 She Had Only Stayed For The Kids

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It's not just the guys who stay in bad marriages for the kids. Women do it, too. According to Sasforwomen.com, one woman who described her marriage as "horrible" hung in there for years before she didn't want her kids to suffer.

Her wake-up call came when her kids started using the same disrespectful tone that her husband used. She started to realize that she wasn't the only one being hurt by the bad marriage. It was impacting her children also. She stopped the dysfunction by getting a divorce. Hopefully, this woman is at peace today. Her choice was a hard one, but her intentions were the best.

9 She Needed To Find Herself... And She Did

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If you're thinking about divorce because you spend a lot of your time trying to please a spouse who just doesn't seem happy, you have a lot in common with one woman mentioned at Sasforwomen.com. She left her marriage and finally found herself. It wasn't about trying to please another person anymore.

She feels like a new woman and is loving herself. She knows her divorce heralded the start of a better relationship with herself.

It's possible to find yourself at any time, whether you're single or not. It's about honesty with yourself. Some women do need to divorce in order to figure out who they really are.

8 She Was Not Setting A Good Example For Her Children

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If a marriage is in really bad shape, a mom may not be behaving her best. Even if she isn't acting out, she may be putting up with behavior from a spouse that just isn't acceptable.

Sometimes, marriage problems make it very difficult for moms to be positive and effective role models.

One mom who chose divorce (and spoke to Sasforwomen.com) wanted to be a better role model for her children. That's why she finally made the decision to leave her husband. Now, she is free to model the right behavior. She can set a great example for her kids, without the stress of dealing with a toxic relationship.

7 She Wanted To Make Her Own Decisions

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Women in marriages where their partners make all of the decisions often feel powerless and want to take their power back by becoming free.

One woman who was mentioned at Triadmomsonmain.com revealed in the power to make even the simplest decisions after divorce, such as her capacity to watch the shows that she wanted to watch on television.

Both spouses should always guard against making too many decisions. In a good marriage, decisions will be discussed before they are made and couples will come to agreements about what's going to happen. One person shouldn't rule a marriage. It's a democracy of two partners.

6 She Wanted To Become A Stronger Woman

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If marriage is making you feel weaker, you may decide to toughen up by going it alone, as a single mother. According to Triadmomsonmain.com, one mom did get stronger after divorce, just like she wanted to. Her faith in God became stronger, and so did her faith in her friends and family. She turned to her support system until she was strong enough to carry all of her burdens alone, and used that support system afterwards, to make the most of her new life.

Divorce is the end of one way of life and the beginning of another. It's not the end of the world. A lot depends on attitude.

5 The Fighting Got Too Intense

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War with a partner, in front of kids, is not a good situation for anyone. It's very negative. When arguments become intense, everyone is affected for the worse. One mom who posted at Circleofmoms.com said that she had to leave because her whole marriage was spent arguing with the man she married.

There was nothing but discord and that's terrible for children. If fighting is a constant, and couples counseling doesn't help (or one partner won't go to couples counseling), it may be best for everyone if a married couple finally breaks up for good. It's not natural to fight all of the time.

4 She Never Really Loved Him

Via: Direct Advice for Dads

Quite a few moms claim that they never loved their ex-husbands after divorcing them. In some cases, this may really be true. Women may marry for reasons other than love. For example, they might be interested in accessing a certain lifestyle through their partners or having kids, or whatever.

Marrying someone you're not in love with is really a recipe for disaster. It's not recommended, as a lot of love is needed to keep even the healthiest marriage thriving. When that love isn't there, it's difficult to work through problems. According to Circleofmoms.com, one wife fell out of love and didn't have the heart to continue with her marriage.

3 She Lost Respect For Him

Divorcedmoms.com

You have to respect your partner. Did you know that some relationship therapists can tell when partnerships are doomed because they notice that one partner has contempt for the other? Respect is absolutely essential. When a woman loses respect for her spouse, she may not be able to hack it anymore.

That's what happened to one woman mentioned at Circleofmoms.com. She just stopped liking her husband. She found it harder and harder to be in his company at home.

Think twice about marrying if you're not sure that you have a great deal of respect for your partner, as you may have big trouble down the road if you don't.

2 She Thought Leaving Him Was A Selfless Act

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Can leaving a husband be selfless? One woman thinks so. According to the Huffpost.com, she decided to leave her hubby, as well as her children, because she thought it was the least selfish things to do. She did it because she fell out of love with her husband, and didn't feel that he was in love with her, either.

Eventually, this unhappy couple couldn't even fake their love for each other at home, around the kids. While most moms end up living with their children after divorce, there are exceptions. The kids remained with her ex and she likes it that way.

1 She Didn’t Really Enjoy Motherhood, So She Left

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Motherhood isn't for everyone. Some women think that they'll love being mothers and end up being really unhappy. These types of women are generally much happier focusing on their careers and hobbies, rather than childcare. Parenting requires a ton of emotional commitment. Some women struggle to deliver that level of emotional commitment. One woman who was mentioned at Salon.com only had kids because her husband wanted them.

This is such a bad idea! When she did have kids for her husband, she just wasn't happy anymore. It was the wrong decision for her, so she left her family.

References: Apa.org, Huffpost.com, Divorcemag.com, Equitablemediation.com, Sbs.com.au, Sasforwomen.com, Triadmomsonmain.com, Circleofmoms.com, Salon.com

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