It can be overwhelming when parents stop to think about everything that they have to teach their children in life. If mom sat down and started to write down every single, specific thing that they have to teach and show their child, they would likely stop writing before they were finished. That is because it is a lot, but since most of it is done automatically, it is rarely thought about. That is until a situation occurs that requires a good lesson thrown in, and this is when it can get difficult. Things like empathy, generosity, and patience are harder concepts to teach than walking and going on the potty.
Revenge is a term that not a lot of parents would use with their children because it has such a negative connotation attached to it. However, if mom takes a moment to observe, she will notice that her children engage in revenge often. If they have a brother/sister who takes their toy or pushes them, they are quick to act back in a similar fashion. This is revenge, and it is important to make sure our children know that revenge is not always going to serve them well, and there are other ways to solve conflicts that won't impact their mental health.
Why Does It Feel Good?
It is impossible to deny that revenge feels good. Even as adults, when someone does us wrong, our first instinct may be to think of a way we can “get them back,” we want someone to hurt in the same way that they hurt us, and while we may not want to admit it, it feels good. There is no reason to think it is not the same with children.
According to Medical Xpress, a previous study was done that saw that when people were wronged, and thought of revenge, a brain scan showed that the reward centers of the brain lit up, showing a biological response to the idea of revenge. However, another study showed that if revenge was followed through with, a person’s mood was negatively impacted right after. Showing that it is in our child’s best interests that we teach them to avoid revenge.
Understanding Revenge Is Hurtful
According to Filter Free Parents, before reacting to your child’s need for revenge, it is important to remember that revenge is hurt, and it is how a person expresses that they have been hurt. When a child is seeking revenge, it is because they have been hurt, and their hurt is trying to find its way out of their bodies. When children are young, the best thing to do is to show them love.
When a sibling takes their toy, or hits them, the first thing to do is to show them love. Pick them up and ask if they want a “cuddle” from you. This will often help calm them down, because when children feel like they are loved, their feelings of hurt will go away. When the hurt leaves their body, so will their need for revenge.
Communication
It is always important to watch how you handle when people hurt you, because children are learning from you, and you are their biggest inspiration. If they see you seeking and acting on revenge, they will follow suit. According to Positive Discipline, it is important to break the revenge cycle with children, and this starts with parents. It is important that we are teaching them, and modeling, that words are much more effective at resolving conflicts. When we use our words, and communicate, with someone who has hurt us, it can help us make sure our feelings are heard and that no one gets more hurt from the situation.
Sources: Medical Xpress, Filter Free Parents, Positive Discipline