Teenagers are something else. It's hard to believe sometimes, as adults, each of us went through that phase at one point. When it comes to negotiating with them, parents may take the stance of, "My way or the highway" or "Asked and Answered." Meaning, non-negotiable.

Teens are not the enemy, and deep down, children do not exist to make their parents' lives worse. Filling the home with tension can make it feel like a war zone. Nobody should feel like they are in a constant battle, it promotes stress and anxiety. Parents may want to consider other options versus the constant nagging, negotiating, and/or authoritative response.

Related:If Mom Does 10 Of These 20 Things To Her Toddler, They Will Argue With Her More As A Teen

Why Stop Negotiating With Teens

Teenager ignoring parent

Negotiations, unlike listening, respecting, and empathizing with your children, won't get anyone anywhere. Parents can hear and respect their teens without turning the conversation into a bidding war. While negotiating skills do come in handy, some parents often confuse listening to their teen with it. It is possible to validate a teenager without things turning ugly. There is a time and place for everything.

Giving Your Teen Clear Choices

Negotiating With Your Teen

According to parenting coach Albiona Rakipi, parents should consider deciding beforehand whether something is negotiable. If it is, they can give their child a choice. If it's not, don't present it as such. When parents open up to negotiate about something that is not negotiable, it's essentially teaching children that, "no" is never really no, they can keep going. Setting boundaries and sticking to them on the other hand teaches them to adapt to situations where things don't go their way. This is an important life skill because as an adult, they are likely to encounter it a great deal more.

Giving teens choices helps them to feel like they have control. They do, between the choices that the parent gives. It may sound harsh, but in the long run, as a parent, the job of keeping a child safe is extremely important. Especially in this day and age.

Be Clear About What Can & Cannot Happen

 Negotiating With Your Teen

A lot of parents worry about hurting their child's feelings. They don't give a clear answer, instead says parenting coach Brandi Davis, ACC, adults tend to beat around the bush when giving a no, almost giving wiggle room to their teen, and just end up causing confusion and frustration. Clarity is a key to nixing negotiations.

Parents may want to try focusing on the positives. A lot of negativity is displayed when constant nos are thrown around anytime a teen wants to do something. For example: Instead of, "You will be home by 9:30! Ask again you aren't going at all!" Try: "You cannot stay out till 11:00, but if you agree to be home by 9:30, and abide by that, I will think about extending your curfew for next time."

Not only does this give the child a choice, whether to be home on time or not, but it also validates their want to stay out later, shows the parent heard this, and gives the child the opportunity to be trusted.

What To Keep In Mind

Mom and teen

According to Kim Abraham, LMSW, when parents make decisions in reaction to a child's arguments and disputes, everyone loses. Parents walk away feeling frustrated and ineffective. Children walk away with the mistaken idea that the way to get what you want in this world, no matter who you are up against and how they feel or what they say, is to argue. Not to mention, this shows children that they are on an even playing field with adults. They are not. They are not miniature adults, and they should not be treated as such in various different ways, including this. A parent has the final say.

Parents do not need to be dictators when it comes to this. At the same time, this is not a democracy. Parents have every right to enforce rules for their children in order to keep them safe. A big thing to keep in mind is being open and honest about why the decisions are made will allow the teen to understand better.

Sources: Albiona Rakipi, Brandi Davis, ACC, Kim Abraham, LMSW