Praise has always been a part of motherhood. We want to reward our children for doing something good, or we want to throw it around to encourage our children to continue the behavior that we are expecting. We also use it to help our children feel good about school work, or if they made a great piece of art, or if they scored a big goal at their latest soccer game. Children thrive off praise, and they do need it in their lives to help them build a sense of self and confidence. However, many parents may not realize that praise can be harmful. That praise is about a lot more than just saying the words.
The most common words of praise that are given out are “good job.” It is quick, easy, and seems to get the job done. We tell our children that they did a good job, and move on with our day. While this saying is not inherently bad, and we don’t need to stop using it, there may be some better alternatives that are more effective and personal.
Blanket Statement
According to The Pragmatic Parent, the phrase “good job” is a blanket statement. It is a general term that can be applied to anything, and speaks very little to the specific behavior or act that our child has done to deserve the praise. Some parents have even admitted to using it when they weren’t even paying attention to what their child was doing. It was just thrown out there when the parent knew that the child deserved to be praised. This can happen because, after the 27th roll on the ground, we have run out of ways (and energy) to praise our children.
Descriptive Praise
If the problem with “good job” is that it can be a blanket statement, with not much feeling behind it, then the obvious solution is to put more feeling into it. According to Volcano Mama, descriptive praise involved describing what the child did and then encouraging them.
•If your child has helped you clean up the room, instead of just saying a good job, you can thank them for helping you, and then explain how much faster it was with their help.
•If your child brings you a coloring that they have been working on, you can offer them praise by telling them how hard they have worked on it, and pick out something specific you like about the drawing.
These phrases acknowledge the specific act that the child has done and offer praise.
Sense Of Achievement
According to Imperfect Families, praise should offer a child a sense of achievement, and this is not always gained by a simple “good job.” This means that we need to offer them more when they do something good, especially if we want that behavior to continue. If your child turns down a snack because dinner is coming, offer them the support you would give an adult. Tell them that their choice was very responsible and that you are proud of them.
Getting creative with how we praise our children forces us to be more mindful about our presence and focus more on what our child has done. Children will feel this and it will encourage them in the future.
Sources: The Pragmatic Parent, Volcano Mama, Imperfect Families