When we think of the many different parenting styles out there, we realize that there are many ways that mom and dad can manage their children and situations that come up. There are no shortages of different ways to discipline, reward, and deal with situations that arise. One of the more controversial forms of dealing with children is giving them the silent treatment. The silent treatment has been around for a while, and it can happen in a lot of different relationships. It can happen between husband and wife, best friends and even mothers and their children.
According to Healthline, the silent treatment often happens because a person feels so incredibly angry, frustrated or overwhelmed that they need to walk away before dealing with any type of conversations. Usually, once the person calms down, the silent treatment ends, and they are back to conversing like normal. However, there can be a pattern of this happening, where it can go from being how someone deals with their emotions to being used as a form of manipulation.
Why Do Some Parents Do This?
Giving the silent treatment is not always something that is done consciously. Even if parents do it, they may feel like they have good reason to. According to Affinity Magazine, parents may give their children the silent treatment and believe that this is the best course of action, because it did not involve any yelling, swearing or use of corporal punishment. They see this as an almost peaceful way of dealing with children who are not doing what they are told, or who are misbehaving. However, what mom and dad do not realize is that they may be causing emotional harm to their child through refusing to speak to them.
What An Expert Says
Kipling Williams is a professor of Psychology at Purdue University, and they had a lot to say about the matter, according to Hey Sigmund. Kipling stated that when you give someone, and it doesn’t matter who, the silent treatment, you are ostracizing them. While it may not be intentional, it can be seen as a form of manipulation in an attempt to gain control over a person or a situation. It is important that mom remembers her empathy and thinks about how she would feel if someone she loved was purposely ignoring her when she was speaking to them. It hurts, and this can be even worse when it is someone who is in charge of your safety and well-being.
What is even more alarming is when the experts look at the workings of the brain when someone is being given the silent treatment. The silent treatment will activate the anterior cingulate cortex, which is the part of the brain that detects physical pain. This has proven that the silent treatment can cause someone to be in literal pain.
What Does It Do & What To Do Instead
Parents will often give the silent treatment when their children are constantly asking for something, or when they are throwing a tantrum. Mom has instructed them to wait but their patience has taken a break, so mom will disengage from the conversation in an attempt to not “lose her cool.”
When we give our children the silent treatment it can break trust in a relationship. When it comes to parents and children, this can be incredibly damaging. If trust is broken between mom and child, it can be hard for the child to know that they can rely on their parents if they need or want something again. It can also cause anxiety and aggression in children. Children may not feel safe if their mom is “ignoring” them and this can cause them to act out with negative behaviors in an attempt to get mom’s attention back on them.
This does not mean that mom can not walk away to calm down when her child is misbehaving. The two concepts are not one and the same. It is actually encouraged that mom walks away to calm down before addressing her child, especially if she feels that her emotions are a little out of control. Instead of just walking away and refusing to talk to her child, there is one thing that mom can do that can evade the negative effects of giving the silent treatment. All mom has to do is be honest, tell her children that they need a moment and that they can not talk to them right now. Tell them that you are going to have some time alone and you will come back to talk to them when you have calmed down a little bit.
Sources: Affinity Magazine, Hey Sigmund, Healthline