The weeknight experiences of moms are as varied as ever, with school occurring in-person, virtually, as a hybrid, or entirely in the home environment. Weeknights were a challenging time already with the competing interests of family time, homework, and decompression for everyone. To help ease into a balance more in tune with the COVID era, we’re sharing some weeknight tips to help make Monday through Friday feel a little less stressful.
Give Yourself a Break - Literally
Making the most of every minute sounds like a good plan. In practice? Dinnertime can mark the moment in the day where moms and dads completely run out of emotional fuel. Parents.com gave thoughtful advice pre-pandemic: “The goal shouldn’t be nonstop bonding.” Babies and toddlers do need a lot of stimulation, but school-aged kids need quality over quantity.
Kate Rope is the author of Strong as a Mother: How to Stay Healthy, Happy and (Mostly) Sane From Pregnancy to Parenthood. She noted, “It doesn’t take very much to connect with a child, time-wise…Ten good minutes can change a whole week.” For parents laying the self-pressure on thick, remember that games and laughs are awesome, but home should be a warm, happy place for you, too. If the attention your kids get some nights is your most tuned-in support with their homework, the comfort of the routine may still be the very best part of their day.
At the same time, taking care of yourself sets a great example for your sons and daughters to emulate when stress gets high. Playing with your kids is obviously important – but not if it frays your very last nerve. As Motherly advises, “Remember that kids watch you to learn how they should respond to crises. Let them see you doing a couple of yoga poses, journaling or going for a walk to clear your head (even if it's just in your yard). Tell them why you're doing it ("This helps me feel better") and invite them to join you.”
Bright Horizons agreed, suggesting anything from bike rides to stretching or meditating to reset your equilibrium for a healthy weeknight routine. In other words, family time could be each person taking a healthy self-care break independently, or doing something side by side – like taking a walk – while respecting boundaries enough to enjoy some quiet along the way.
Disconnect When You Can
Many of us used to turn to our screens as a break from the day. Whether working 9-5 or staying home to care for kids, moms earn the right to zone out, and technology used to provide a fun and mindless avenue to do it.
Life has gotten a lot more technology dependent in 2020, though. Even if your kids are attending school in person, group and collaborative work has been minimized for safety, and they may be relying more than ever on screens. So, throw yourself into family moments every weeknight – without your phone in hand. Science (and your brain) will thank you.
“Devices really get in the way—they tempt us to respond immediately when we should be present with our children,” explained professor Laurie Santos, Ph.D., to Parents. And medical doctor Daniel J. Siegel agreed; our phones “can activate the nonsocial part of the brain that focuses on stimulation rather than connection with others.”
Aside from the occasional angsty teen, nearly every kid is grateful when they get 1:1 uninterrupted time with Mom or Dad. Whenever possible, let that healthy disconnect from work and the world remind your entire family that time with each other is what you value most.
Be Honest When You Need Support
Moms have never been great about advocating for their own needs. But this is a unique moment in everyone’s lifetimes. As the United States Census Bureau writes, “parents are among the unsung heroes of this [COVID-19] crisis. They have adapted their households and juggled work, children’s schooling, and other household needs.” In fact, over one third of working moms report an increase of worry in their recent lives. Plenty of families are grappling with job loss, health concerns, and food insecurity, among countless other stressors. So being honest with your kids – even if it’s “Mommy needs a break for a minute” – is more critical than ever before.
You can be honest about your uncertainty, too. Naturally, no one wants to project their fears onto their kids. But acknowledging that we don’t always know what’s going to happen in the weeks and months ahead reminds your little ones that you trust them enough to speak openly. Reiterating your commitment to staying safe and happy as a family is the ideal, reassuring message for kids; overall, it’s great for you to repeat to yourself as well. Say the amazing quiet part out loud – you’re already working 24/7 to make it happen.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
The bottom line is that there is no prescriptive plan to keep every ball in the air at once. We all wish there was! However, allowing yourself simple pleasures – mental breaks, physical activity, disconnecting from tech and reconnecting with family for even a few genuine moments – all help.
Stay true to each feeling you have during high-stress moments; they’re real, and they’re valid. And when you’re exhausted from being a superhero, say so, even if you never would have before. Unprecedented times call for extraordinary women, and moms everywhere are earning that title daily.
Sources: Bright Horizons, Parents.com, Motherly