Mistakes are how we learn about life. We make a choice that doesn’t result in what we want or even hurts someone, and we learn from that moment. We adjust our words and actions for the future. This is something that is so ingrained in our human nature, that we can often neglect the fact that children have to learn this. They have to learn that mistakes happen and that they learn from them and move on. They learn to make better choices from now on, choices that are based on the mistake they made.
However, children also need to feel free to make mistakes while knowing that mom is not going to judge them for it. While adults feel bad when they make mistakes, they also worry about the judgment they are going to receive from the people around them, especially the people close to them. Children feel the same way. They may be fearful of mistakes because they fear that mom is going to judge them and be disappointed in their actions.
Motherhood is about growing, and there may be some growing that mom needs to do to make sure she is teaching her child that she is not judging them.
Mistakes Are Vital
According to Bright Horizons, making mistakes is not the issue, because children need to make mistakes. It can even be believed that children should be encouraged to make mistakes. When we let children make mistakes, we are helping them to build resilience and in the end, it will create a confident, capable, happy adult who is successful. They are also developing important social and emotional skills.
You Do Judge
As much as mothers would like to think that they are not judging their children when they make a mistake, they likely are. The good news is that is completely normal. According to Parent, judging and being judgmental come naturally to any human being, and this includes parents. Humans developed the ability to judge centuries ago, and it is a basic way of protecting ourselves from things that could cause harm. Humans needed to be able to make quick judgments to protect themselves from making dangerous decisions. This has evolved and now humans make these judgments every day, even if they don’t realize it.
What Mom Can Do
Now that mom knows that she is likely judging her child’s mistake, she can work on addressing it to make sure her child is not picking up on the judgment. According to Very Well Family, a parent’s reaction to a mistake affects children and how they will respond to their mistake. When it comes to making sure your reaction is non-judgmental, mom may need to do a lot of reflection and self-work. Mom can practice in a mirror to see her facial expressions. Roleplay the different “mistakes” your child could possibly make, and think about how you would realistically respond, and see if there is anything they can change.
A reaction that should be instilled and immediate should be to immediately focus on the future. When a child comes to you with a mistake, don’t allow yourself time to respond, focus on what they can learn from their mistake and how they can do something differently in the future. Opening up about mistakes you have made in your life can also help them to realize that moms make mistakes too.
Sources: Bright Horizons, Parent, Very Well Family