"Babies are so adorable," they say to you. "Look at how tiny their little clothes are! If you buy them toys, you can play with those toys too, and then it’s like you’re reliving your own childhood except better!"
Well, tiny socks aren’t enough to make it through the hard times, and what these praisers of children are forgetting is that kids are totally nuts. Parenthood isn't just experiencing things more intensely — it’s that a child's logic isn’t the same as an adult's. In reality, the things that are issues for a child are typically non-issues for adults; issues that don't necessarily need fixing. It's important to remember this if you're on the fence of having kids or not, and need some help on this journey, here are 10 stories that may help cure that irksome baby fever.
This bird's-eye view of a tantrum says it all. Sure, that floor looks absolutely vile but when you have to make a stand, it’s time to drop to the ground even if you’re in a gas stop restroom or the entrance to a train station. Germs? Those don’t exist in the upset hearts of toddlers, not when there’s something to pitch a fit about. Imagine being the parent and not only are you tasked with this hopeless cause, but you also have to be the one to cradle a (now) dirty child because they chose to lay down on the ground.
If this looks totally idyllic, think again. First, consider how slowly those tiny legs move. It kind of stinks to have a hiking partner who goes at such a different speed than you, and how immediately the whining hits. When you're halfway up the first hill, less than a third of a mile in, it’s all about when this hike will end. So much for enjoying the peace and quiet of nature when the soundtrack of a child’s gibberish is overpowering your eardrums. And what if somebody slips and falls off that rock? Ugh, forget about it.
This picture might look like a normal tantrum that happened to take place near a statue of ice cream, but those two factors are far more related. A parent shares the cause behind this meltdown: "He licked the ice cream cone.“ Now, if they hadn’t let this kid lick the cone, he would’ve had a meltdown. And because he licked it, he had a tantrum. The only way to avoid this was if five-foot-tall ice cream cones actually existed. Now, that's a huge solution for one tantrum. But because that’s just not the world we live in, kids live in our world but expect different things.
If you don’t know the story behind this picture, you might just assume it’s a bratty child not appreciating the good things. In actuality, it’s a child who makes almost no sense, losing their mind over something you can’t even see.
This picture was explained by his parent, saying, “Won’t let him hold the lighter that I used to light his candles.” What does that have to do with eating a cake and celebrating? Not a lot. One day he'll realize that the cake and gesture were way cooler than the actual lighter it took to light the candles.
What could this adorable boy have to be upset about on such a gorgeous day out on the water? Well, the one thing his parents won’t let him do is the one thing he wanted to do. To clarify, “We wouldn’t let him jump off the boat.” As an adult, that’s totally reasonable; it’d be so unbelievably weird if the parents of a toddler encouraged that. Does he even know how to swim or is that fact purely incidental? But, of course, he’s not seeing it from any perspective but his own. He physically isn’t able to until years down the line.
This back and forth is hilarious to me.
Me: "Come here and enjoy the sunset with me.”
8yo: “I don’t want to enjoy the sunset! Oh, look. It’s the sun. Are you telling me to stare at it? Because you said NOT to stare at the sun.”
Me: “Well, no, not AT it, but at the area AROUND IT.”
8yo: “What? I’m staring at it.”
Me: “No, don’t - never mind. Go play.”
One of the greatest quotes ever is “I don’t want to enjoy the sunset.” How do you even top that? An adult can’t. But also, this is so annoying to deal with while on a lovely walk.
You’re not alone if you’re doubting this meal. Calling it a "meal" is way too generous in the first place. The parent behind it explains "Some days you fight the good fight, forcing spoonful after spoonful of whole grain organic goodness down their throats. Other days you give the weirdos the plain white bread buns with ketchup they asked for and hope it doesn’t count as neglect in the eyes of the law.”
There’s no way ketchup sandwiches will be a repeat order because it’s not filling or tasty. It’s just the demands of a wack job dictator with no idea of what they want.
This picture is an all-out meltdown. You don’t even need to know a child to spot this tantrum as positively nuclear. And, of course, the parent is probably in the right. There seems to be nothing physically wrong and no one is hurt and yet, it’s a total random disaster.
Parenting is such a thankless job done for people who have barely learned to say thank you. They refuse to see that you have their best intentions in mind for about two decades, and then if they’re pretty mature, maybe they’ll send you an apology. Like that makes up for all the time wasted on this nonsense...
This picture has all the exaggerated elements of a cartoon, and yet, all of it is totally accurate. This guy isn’t doing this to make a statement — he’s just doing what’s necessary. Those newborn nails are both as sharp and dangerous as a falcon’s six-inch talons and, somehow, as tiny as a grain of sand. You really do need a diamond appraiser’s glasses to go in on trimming those swinging little blades. If you don’t, you’ll hurt yourself, or even worse, your baby! All the college degrees in the world don’t make you ready to brandish a clipper on those miniatures.
Don’t worry, this isn’t just any old tantrum. It’s a tantrum specifically occurring because a parent can’t control nature. More specifically, they can't speed up an eclipse to happen at that moment. Sure, the emotions are valid, but nothing about the circumstance is. The parent explains "He wants the ‘clipse’ to happen right now." So if you’ve ever wanted to be yelled at and emotionally punished for not being able to rush the sun, have a kid. You can create your own tormentor who will be incredibly upset for truly no reason.
Actually... there is a reason; it just doesn’t count as a legitimate reason.