The desire for privacy is something natural that everyone goes through at one point or another. As children grow up, they will inevitably have to deal with different issues as their brains and bodies develop. They begin to face different challenges that often cause them to question who they are and what they want. During such seasons, teens begin to desire more privacy and space as they work through these issues.
Most parents wonder where to draw the line when it comes to their kids’ privacy. If you are a parent, dealing with your children during their adolescent years can be challenging. However, it is important to realize that this is a phase and things will get better. Adolescents’ privacy is not a minor issue. It is important to understand why parents should respect their teen’s privacy and how they can do so. Remember that how you deal with your child during their teen years can affect the nature of your relationship for the rest of your lives.
Physical and Emotional Development
As children get older, they begin to change as they develop new skills and interests. The brain develops rapidly during the teen years and kids gain new thinking skills. As they are approaching adulthood, they go through emotional as well as physical changes. They want to be thought of as being independent and mature. They are also dealing with new fears and desires that they may not even understand. During this season, they are trying to learn where they fit in and what they want to do in the future. Teens are trying to acquire their own identity and privacy is very important to them during this stage.
Understanding the Need to Separate
When kids are young, they are virtually inseparable from their parents. They depend on the parents for everything as they spend most of their time with them. As the child gets older, a natural separation starts to take place. This separation is a healthy part of human relationships. The young child who desired his mother’s constant presence becomes an older child who will close the bathroom door because he or she wants privacy. Adolescents need to individuate. This is a developmental process that occurs when kids want to have a separate life of their own.
Making Necessary Adjustments
With the teens facing many unknowns, it is natural that they should desire more privacy. This period is one of huge adjustments for the parents as well. Many parents go through anxious moments as they try to figure out how to deal with their changing child. This period can be unsettling as parents attempt to reach their children who seem to be moving further away from them. It is important to realize that just because your teen desires more privacy does not mean that they have something to hide. Desiring more independence is simply a sign of growth.
Relationship Between Privacy and Trust
Parents need to understand that privacy and trust go hand in hand. You need to know that raising a healthy and trustworthy teen will require you to make difficult choices. Understand where to draw the line when it comes to privacy and know that sometimes, extreme privacy can be a red flag. As much as your teen wants to be independent, there may be instances when it may be appropriate to snoop. There should be a link between the honesty and responsibility that teens show, and the level and amount of privacy that they should be allowed to have.
Drawing and Respecting Boundaries
Many parents and kids fight over the issue of boundaries. You need to know where to draw boundaries when it comes to your relationship with your child. Find the right balance and understand your child’s need to separate. It is important for teens to have some privacy and “alone time” and everyone in the family should respect this. If your teenager is responsible and trustworthy, he has earned your trust, and respecting his space should not be difficult. You will not feel the need to spy when you know that you can trust your teen.
Respecting your teen's privacy does not mean that you should ignore suspicious behavior. If you discover something that indicates wrong behavior or risky activities, you have the right to interfere. You need knowledge and this may mean monitoring and inspecting your teen’s room. You have a responsibility to protect your kids even when they think they don’t need it. Teens need privacy but that does not mean that they can do anything they want. Remember, privacy is not a right, it’s a privilege.
Sources: centerforparentingeducation.org, empoweringparents.com, verywellfamily.com, youaremom.com,