Cheating is the irreversible action that many couples think, "it won't happen to me." But the facts don't lie upwards of 33 percent of people report infidelity with in the marriage. A cheating spouse is portrayed as the ultimate betrayer; as a result, the relationship forever changes, generally with lingering side effects.
Lack of trust and the surmounting work to build a restoration become the focal point of most relationships. As the couple picks of the pieces, many will find fallout of the "other" person does not stop when the affair has ended. Let's discuss how parental infidelity can destroy relationships with their children.
Why We Cheat
In our culture is not something people like to discuss. There is a lot of shame around infidelity, and when exposed, people wear the scarlet S for years to come. For women, this can be more significant; we can find our selves unfairly judged as we are the "faithful ones." Many people assume that if there is an affair, this is something wrong in the marriage.
Moms Cheat, Too
Moms may cheat due to loss of identity. Marriage and motherhood have stolen their independence. Selflessness touches many areas of their lives; moms live a life of putting everyone else's needs first. Infidelity opens up a world of moments "just for me" – that once free spirit summoned in the arms of their lover. Motherhood is demanding; the opportunity to forget it all begs for a reprieve. Regardless, the reason we cheat, curiosity, the extramarital affair can be costly.
How Cheating Impacts Kids: Emotional Distance
When infidelity occurs, the atmosphere of the relationship changes. The betrayed partner experiences a hurricane of emotions. The bubbly extrovert may now spend endless hours in silence or alone. We may say the kids will never find out.
Maybe that is true; however, kids know when something is a miss. Infidelity in a marriage creates emotional distance; during this time, parents may no longer respond to their children in the way they used to. A once very supported spouse may now be short and subject to emotional outbursts. The relationship that once seemed impenetrable is rocky.
How Cheating Impacts Kids: Embarrassment
Children who experience the pain of parent infidelity hurt as profoundly as the betrayed parent. From embarrassment to what did I do wrong, feelings can consume a child. Shame, hurt, and pain can silence a child, and since the topic is taboo, a child is often left to suffer in silence alone.
Kids May Feel Anger
Just like the spouse experiencing the acknowledgment of infidelity has anger, so can a child. A typical response for children is anger and avoidance of the cheating parent. For some children, it will not stop there, and blame against the faithful parent will occur. A child may believe the other spouse must have done something wrong for this to occur. If only the devoted parent had worked harder or been a better lover, this would have never happened.
Kids May Feel Confusion
Why did this happen? We ask our kids to keep the rules, then why don't we. So, is there no point in keeping the rules? Parents may find times themselves in the battle of the fittest as their children push the boundaries.
Skepticism
Betrayal and lack of trust do not only affect the spouse but the children too. Children frequently doubt and struggle to trust after infidelity. The trust broken between the parent can cause insecurities in all their children's relationships. As children age, this may manifest itself in distrust for the opposite sex.
You Can't Hide
Cheating affects children in less outward ways. The fallout from the circumstances may not always be natural for parents to spot. It is important to remember no matter what the reason for the infidelity, keeping it hidden from your children may not be possible. Arguments, emotional distancing, and other outlets may lead to the need for acknowledgment of the events that have occurred.
It is essential to recognize our children are affected by infidelity. It may not be from the direct involvement of an incident, but changes in parental/marital operations are recognizable. Conflict, tension, and distancing are identifiable even at a young age. As you and your spouse rebuild your lives, take the time to include your children in the process. They are recovering from the affair, too.