Being a mother is not easy, and motherhood comes with its own challenges and struggles. However, this can get even more complicated when mom is doing it all on her own. Single mothers have always faced challenges in their lives. Having to be the parent 24/7, with little to no breaks. Having to work to support the family, and beat the mom guilt that can trickle in when she feels like she is not doing enough or not spending enough time with her children. While this may be the case for a lot of single moms, a single mom who has sons faces their own unique challenges.
When there isn’t a father figure, mom can be concerned about she can raise a boy. She may worry that she won’t be able to “teach” them about being a male, and that can mean biological aspects as well as social aspects. It also doesn’t always pertain to fathers who are absent completely, it can also be the case for mothers who have partners but are away for work a lot or are deployed. She may worry about the constant lack of a father figure in her child’s life.
Be There
Sometimes, there is not much that you can do and the smallest acts can be the most important. According to The Joys of Boys, it is important for mom to be there for her boys. It is important to recognize that it would be ideal if the child’s father was around, but sometimes the best you can do is to just be present for your child. This small act can go a long way to helping a child cope with an absent father, it lets them know that they can rely on you and that you will always be there.
Get Them In Sports
If you want your child to have a male figure around them, there are options that don’t involve a father. If you have brothers, uncles can be a great resource to lean on and depending on the situation, they could be called in to have some of the “difficult” boy talks. If that is not an option, try and get your son involved in a sport or extracurricular activity. Not only will they be around other boys, but coaches can be a great support system and children can form strong relationships with coaches in their lives and they can be great role models.
What NOT To Do
It is important to remember some things that moms don’t want to do when they are raising a boy with no father around. According to Good Housekeeping, one of those things to avoid is acting like your son is the “man of the house.” This is something that is commonly done, when there is no father, a lot of pressure can be placed on the son. This can be harmful to a child when their only job is to be a child. They have their regular chores, but they should not be made to be a replacement for a male figure in the house. It can confuse him on what his role is in the house.
The Basics
Even if the conversations are not comfortable, there are some things that mom will have to teach her son about his body and biology. Referring back to a previous point, this could be when you enlist a grandfather, or an uncle to help, but mom can teach these things too. Make sure you educate yourself on male anatomy and what you need to know so that you can be your child’s teacher. Speak to professionals about how to go about making sure you have the most accurate information.
When potty training, make sure you are teaching them how to pee standing up, even though sitting is bound to be easier. Puberty conversations can be uncomfortable, and it may help if you ask your son if you both want to learn together.
He Does Have One
Depending on the relationship mom has with the child’s father, and what the situation is, it can be tempting to “put down” the father. According to Medium, this would be a mistake. Regardless of how the situation happened, and even if the father is absent, your child still has a father. Answer questions your child may have while trying to remain neutral.
The father-son relationship should be guided by your child and what they want, and when mom’s “bad talk” their child’s father, it can ruin a relationship before it ever starts. It also can cause mental health issues, like anger and depression, in a child who has had a negative painting of his father given to him.
Sources: The Joys Of Boys, Good Housekeeping, Medium