It is something moms are used to hearing, or not hearing, and that is the short one-word answers their children give them. They ask how their day was at school, and they get a “fine” or “ok” as a response. This is not a sufficient amount of information for mom, but the more she tries to push them into talking, the quieter they get. Mom may even start to worry if there is something wrong with her child, if they have a big problem that they don’t want to talk about. Mom will often take this personally and think that she is doing something wrong to make her child not want to open up to her.
In a lot of instances, this reaction is perfectly normal and there is usually nothing that mom did to cause this silent treatment. If she is really concerned, she can explore these 6 reasons why her child may no be speaking to her. The solution may be simple, and it may just be changing how she approaches her child for information.
6 Missing The Openers They Want To Talk
The problem of your child not speaking to you may be as simple as missing the cues that they want to speak to you. According to Aha Parenting, children give out cues that they want to talk to you, and if they are missed it could cause them to clam up. It can be easy to miss the cues because moms are so incredibly busy with their day-to-day tasks, but if you see the smallest hint that your child wants to speak to you, drop everything and give them your whole attention. This will build a healthy relationship and will lead your child to want to speak to your more.
5 How Much Do You Talk?
According to Imperfect Families, one of the reasons your child may not talk to you is because they can not get a word in. If you are a mom who talks a lot, or your child is just naturally more quiet by nature, they may not even attempt to try starting a conversation. It is important that mom asks open-ended questions, and gives them the time to answer. Instead of asking how school was, ask them what happened at school and give them time to answer.
4 Judgmental Janet
Not a lot of moms mean to be judgmental, but it can come out in tone and words and if this happens enough, your child won’t want to come to you because they will be afraid of your response. It is important to remain neutral when your child talks to you and make sure you ask more questions before assuming you know what happened.
3 Too Much Pushing
Mom wants to know how her child is feeling out of a place of concern, but if she pushes too much it is going to result in the opposite. It is going to make her child retreat more and not want to open up. Sometimes children need space just like adults do to process things and figure out how they want to say them. It is important for mom to give them that space before pushing for more information.
2 They Are Embarrassed
As a child reaches the age of tween and teen, they are going to start feeling embarrassed to come to you with problems. Especially if this involves anything to do with romantic feelings and their body. This is normal, according to Parents, and it is a stark contrast from toddlers who will tell you just about anything. A good strategy to try if you know something is wrong with your child, but they are too embarrassed to tell you is to play a game of 20 questions. Tell them you are going to try and guess what is bothering them, and they have to tell you “hot” or “cold.” Sometimes, the hardest part for them is physically saying the words.
1 That Is Just Who Your Child Is
Every child is different, and some children are just born introverts and it has no reflection on your parenting or other influences. If you are working with a child who just naturally keeps to themselves, no amount of forcing is going to work. What may work is trying to relate to them in a way they will understand. If your child is into video games, or crafts, try and spend some time doing that activity with them. You may be able to slip in some conversations while they are doing an activity they enjoy and feel safe with.
Sources: Parents, AHA Parenting, Imperfect Families