Jenna Dewan, who is currently expecting a child with her boyfriend, actor and singer Steve Kazee, 44, recently discussed when she first realized her marriage of nine years to Channing Tatum was over.

Dewan and Tatum left fans shocked when they split last year after almost nine years of marriage. Yet for the actress, it wasn’t much of a surprise. “I’d come to realize the dynamic I was in wasn’t serving me nor was it serving my daughter,” Dewan, 38, writes in her new book, Gracefully You: Finding Beauty and Balance in the Everyday. “First and foremost I had to accept the realization this isn’t working and had moved into hurting.”

Dewan met Tatum, 39, on the set of the film Step Up. They began dating shortly after filming wrapped. In 2008, the couple got engaged in Maui and married on July 11, 2009, at Church Estates Vineyards in Malibu, California. Their daughter was born in May 2013 in London, England.

Although they kept their separation a secret for a while, it was hard on Dewan since she was in the middle of filming the second season of the World of Dance and reporters would often ask her questions about her husband. It also proved difficult to discuss the split since the public had come to romanticize her relationship with Tatum. Soon after though, she filed for divorce. She insists, however, that there wasn’t one specific event that led to the breakup.

“In the beginning of my separation, it felt as though I were in a dark closet, desperately trying to find the light or the way out,” she writes. “I was in a state of shock. One week I’d be doing really well and the next I was slammed with a whole new slew of emotions.”

The situation, however, only got worse after it became public knowledge that Tatum was dating singer Jessie J, an English singer and songwriter, which Dewan found out about online. She admits that the split from Tatum left her feeling “gutted” since she had idealized a future for herself.

“I was learning things about my ex most people wouldn’t have to face ― and over the internet, as it was happening,” Dewan writes. “There I was, on a plane, alone, finding out about his new relationship. I felt blindsided. Choosing grace as I learned everything about my personal situation along with the rest of the world was really difficult.”

Although Tatum and Jessie J are still dating, Dewan has managed to find love again with Kazee, the 2012 Tony Award Winner for Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical for Once. The couple, who have been together for more than a year, recently announced that they’re expecting their first child together. For Kazee, it will be his first child, while Dewan shares a 6-year-old daughter, Everly, with Tatum.

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As for her relationship with Kazee, Dewan writes that once she was ready, she began dating someone amazing. “It was this cosmically great thing where we circled back around each other after a moment of instant recognition years ago," she adds.