One look at any news site will prove that 2018 is all about the woman. It's a time where women are fighting for equality, a chance to be heard — taking down stereotypes left and right. Many people have claimed it's been hard being a woman, but many more think the time for us is now. We finally have the ball in our court where we can freely speak our minds without the feeling of judgment. And since 2018 is all about breaking through glass ceilings, let's talk about another stereotype that many women don't talk about: every woman must love being a mom.
This may be a little unnerving for people, but just because a woman has a child does not mean she loves the role she has given herself.
Being a mom is a fulltime job (with no overtime pay) that can bring down even the strongest person. That being said, just because these 20 women don't like doing these typical motherly duties does NOT mean they don't love their child or wouldn't do anything for them.
Their children are their lives — they just wish momhood wasn't so tough. They miss time with their friends, adult conversations, a full night's sleep... They miss being a human without stains on their sweater. Can we blame them? Absolutely not! These women are honest and have been hiding from their honesty, worried about being shunned. The thing is, most moms can agree with these women — they're just afraid to say it.
20 I Liked My Life Better Before
Millions of moms say their life didn't start until after they had kids. On the flip side, there are just as many moms out there who enjoyed their life better before kids. For this mom, it's not about the sleepless nights or soccer mom duties she has to endure. It's that she misses her old life.
"It’s the fact that I truly liked my life better before I was a parent. I liked who I was better, and I spend an inordinate amount of time dreaming of those days."
Assuring readers she's a great parent regardless of her adoration for her former life, her child is constantly surrounded by loving and supported adults.
19 Does The Whining Ever Stop?!
You don't need to be a parent to know that kids whine. They do this when they're told not to something they want to do, when they're sleepy, when they're hungry — whining is their form of protest.
And is it annoying? YES. Even kids dislike whining! It's the one thing that this mom truly dislikes most.
“I [dislike] it. All of it. The whining, the tantrums, screaming so loud my ears ring, the incessant demands, the constant pawing at me, [all the diaper changes] and epic [not doing a good job] at potty training...." she writes.
Unfortunately, not all moms are cut out to be a mom. Perhaps pregnancy was hard on its own, so when the baby was born, it just added to the negativity.
18 Needed To Buy Herself Some Extra "Me" Time
After having her baby and spending time with her mom for some much needed extra help, this mom felt grumpy — unlike herself. She would cry randomly throughout the day and get upset when the baby was upset.
Can we blame her? To give herself and the baby a break, she enrolled her in daycare early so that she could have some much needed "me" time. She needed time to get herself together and hopefully go back to work.
"I, on the other hand, enjoy my time at work. I have brain stimulation, I chat and gossip with my co-workers and am enjoying my time out of the house," she tells Quora.
What's amazing is that spending time away from her daughter makes her time with her that much better.
17 'I Don't Do Babies'
It's one thing to be obsessed with adorable things toddlers say, but it's another to raise those babies into the toddlers that say those adorable things.
"You see, I love kids. Adore them. I always knew I wanted them (at least 4). I love the bad threes, the brilliance of early years learning, the complications of puberty, the complexity of teens," one mom writes Quora.
"When others coo and squee over newborns, I’m happy to check out the new tiny human and hand it back — whether or not the tiny human in question is mine or someone else’s. Yeah…I don’t ‘do’ babies."
16 It's No Longer About You
I saw a standup comedian explain why he didn't want children. His friends began to pity him for being wife-less and childless. They told him when you have children, it's no longer about you — it's about them.
To which he responds "why would I want that?!" It's hard to fight that logic, especially since this mom agrees with him.
"First of all, being a mother is deeply depersonalizing. When you meet people, even other moms, they ask your child's name but not yours. You, weirdly, cease to matter as a human being."
As a woman without kids (yet), this is extremely eyeopening; something I never thought about before. "You exist, but you don't count other than as a shadow to your child. Despite everything in society being geared towards women becoming mothers, and everyone saying that being a mother is the most important job in the world, as a mother you really do not matter as a person, as yourself."
15 The Responsibility Never Ends
I think one of the reasons women don't want to be mothers is because of the responsibility. Once you have kids, you are in charge of that little one's life. All of their ups and downs are on your shoulders. It's your job to raise that little being into a functioning human being.
In fact, men get praised for doing the most mundane tasks just because they're a dad doing a job that's mostly done by a woman.
"It's all your responsibility. You have to do it, and it never ends. Something goes wrong, no matter how small, and society, while not helping you in any way, shape or form, is ready to rain on you like a ton of bricks. Bad mother! It's never the father who gets judged," one mom said.
14 Constantly Evaluated
Not only do moms get judged daily for how they choose to raise their children, but they're judged for expressing how they feel.
This is why having another woman to vent to is so important, you need a sounding board sometimes. A woman explained how the parenting circle in her neighborhood are great for playdates, but the second she complains about motherhood, she's met with glares and judgemental comments.
The thing is though — motherhood IS hard! And it's okay to voice those thoughts, worries, and let downs. There's nothing wrong with this. In fact, I feel bad for the women who aren't voicing their frustrations because that's going to be overhauled by them soon enough.
13 Your Child Knows How Yo Push Your Buttons
There's no one in the world who can push your buttons quite like your child.
They love to see what they can get away with. Kiddos also know what's going to annoy mom. This is where that love/dislike relationship with someone forms. And it's also a reason why one mom dislikes being a mom sometimes.
"If anyone can push your buttons, it’s your child, who has his Ph.D. in psychology, [he or she] understands your vulnerabilities. And [they might only be] 10!"
Being 10 years old is also that age where kids are independent enough to do things for themselves but young enough where they still need mom or dad's permission. This can bring a lot of tension in the household.
12 How Is Motherhood Enjoyable?
"What I cannot figure out,” says a mom to Psychology Today, “is why or how this is supposed to be enjoyable. It makes no sense that you spend your life trying to get them to brush their teeth, pick up their clothes, do their homework, practice, get out of bed, and stop fighting when this is simply not what they want to do."
This woman's life is a tad tougher because her son has an oppositional defiant disorder, where he gets a certain way and says things he doesn't mean. Parenting children who simply don't want any parenting guidance is upsetting for both parties.
Another thing that makes motherhood tough is the finances. One mom told Quora, "Children are [nightmarish] for your financial bottom line. All FA’s should warn their clients of childbearing potential that CHILDREN WILL [MAKE YOU BROKE]! Mine is fired!!"
While she makes a comedic point about firing her financial advisor, most people go into parenthood knowing how expensive children can be. If you give birth in the U.S., your hospital bill will cost you a pretty penny. Diapers are extremely pricey, and babies go through those at a phenomenal rate.
And if a woman is using formula instead of breastmilk, that's even more money. So if you're thinking about having kids, start a saving's account.
10 You Miss Your Spouse
For some couples, having kids makes them closer. They've just created this precious little baby that's half of each of them. It's remarkable, really. Other couples don't have it so easy though. Sometimes having kids drives a wedge in between a couple, making them grow apart.
"Your relationship with your spouse is never the same," one woman tells Quora. "All those mountain bike rides together after work and fun weekend getaways? OVER!!!"
If a woman is feeling distant from her spouse, finding time every week for the two of them to go on a date is needed. While a baby takes up a lot of time, your relationship is just as important.
9 The Child Is Still Well Cared For
One thing most of these moms want people to know is that their child is not in harm's way. They love their child and want what's best for them; the job is just tougher than they anticipated. As one mother notes,
"The things you have to do when you are a mother are really hard for me and it doesn't change even though I love her and want to care for her."
She explains that "It's like when you have to do work you don't like but the results are so wonderful you just have to do your best to get there. And sometimes when you are at work, there are those magical moments that keep you going, that are so great that you would never want to apply for another job. It is just totally worth it."
8 Sentenced To Life
Motherhood is full of worries. There I said it! It's okay to admit that being in charge of another human for life is similar to a sentence in a six by eight cell. The depression, the untidiness, the lack of sleep... it's a lot to deal with day in and day out. Through all the hard times, though, are moments of beauty.
"You’ll learn to overcome. Sometimes, love doesn’t come at once. Sometimes, you learn to love. You get used to the person you’ve given a birth to, you start to like him/her, you start to miss them, you understand that under all the tiredness, slaps, cries, irritation—somewhere deep below—you love them," encouragingly said one mom.
7 It's A Thankless Job
One thing that moms need to be aware of is that for the first couple of years, being a mother is a thankless job. You will change a million diapers, quit your job, and get sick when they get sick — all for their happiness.
It's not a job where your boss (aka: your child) calls you in once a month to give you positive feedback for all the hours you've put in.
A mom similarly told Quora, "You rarely get positive feedback from your kids. Children are selfish little creatures. And if you think they’re going to give you accolades for all your self-sacrifice, then think again. I’m not even sure I’ve thanked my own parents!"
Once a woman becomes a mom, I'm sure she'll call her mom ASAP to ask how the heck she did it all.
6 The Isolation Factor
Something that makes me upset is when a mother feels alone. When stay-at-home moms are with their child 24/7 with no break, they tend to feel isolated.
"No one understands," they tell themselves. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Millions of mothers feel similarly!
One mom opened up by saying, "Motherhood is a life of sacrifice and isolation. Your childfree friends have no idea of what you are talking about half the time and wonder why you never go out. Other mums are too busy to chat on the phone or actually getting to know you, or you them, and even when you do get chatting it's all and just about kids."
In times of seclusion, remind yourself that there is help out there and that you're not alone.
5 No Breathing Room
“As soon as my feet hit the floor, I am [indundated] by various breakfast requests; most of them [completely unreasonable] (like candy, ice cream, or Go-Gurts) but I just give it to them anyway because I cannot take the whining," one mom explains on BabyGaga.
Most moms can relate to this. Even when a woman has a moment to herself to breathe — some tiny human comes crawling in for attention. "I am constantly running around doing two things that I [dislike] the most: Cleaning and serving, cleaning, and cleaning and serving to an unappreciative bunch of people.”
Hopefully, women who feel this way find their moment of purpose as their child ages.
4 The Lying
Let's be honest, whenever someone asks "how are you?", they're not expecting you to be honest about how you feel.
They're not expecting you to be like "I'm miserable, thanks for asking!" Which is why so many people just say "Fine, thanks, how are you?" in return. It's the same way when it comes to moms meeting other moms.
"What I really can’t understand is why everyone is such an [...] liar! Everyone posts all these pictures on [social media] about how great life is with their baby. I’ve taken hardly any photos so far. I post them and he’s posed and it’s just one big show," shared another mom.
3 Solo Parenting
Motherhood is hard enough, but imagine being a solo mother... Now imagine being a solo mother to multiple children! Does a woman ever catch a break? Even if a woman has a spouse who travels often, they're still left alone with kids all hours of the day — with no personal time.
A mom expressed on BabyGaga, "I do it all by myself. My husband works out of town and is only home on weekends. He can’t understand that he doesn’t have to do it. He works and then is off work. Goes to his hotel room. No screaming, no tantrums. I work 24/7. Work and then care for the kid."
This is why I find it so comical when women judge stay-at-home moms for not working... Being a mom is a lot of work!
2 Where You Live Could Have A Negative Effect
Sometimes a mother's job is harder or easier depending on where they live. One mother revealed, "After living in Denmark for over a year, I have totally changed the way I see [motherhood]. Women here get a full year of maternity leave, which starts about four weeks before the due date. By the time the child is 1-year-old, it is expected to be in daycare."
She continues saying the child goes to daycare not because a mom is "expected to be back at work," but because it's best for the child. The baby can play, learn, and socialize with other children, while mom can do the same thing with other adults. Perhaps if this kind of lifestyle was universal, more moms would have the mental clarity to stay strong.
1 Simply Over It
It's tough to say, but some women love kids until they have their own. It's like babysitting, you can love playing with a child for a few hours, but at the end of the night, you can go home to your normal life without the said child.
"I love my daughter and like you, would do anything for her! But I seriously think I am [going under as] a mother. All. The. Time. […] It takes so long to get anything done, can never relax until 9 pm and then I know I will be woken up by a 2-year-old yelling at me at 6am. I'm over it right now, too.”
The sad thing is children don't realize how much of a toll parenting is. So it's not like they're going to change their behavior for the sake of mommy.