For many of us, the moment we know we're going to spend the rest of our lives with someone is one of the best feelings in the world. While we don't all believe in marriage or think that a couple needs to make that legal commitment in order to stay together, the majority of us want to walk down that aisle with someone we love. Anyone who dreams of a beautiful marriage wants it to be a happy one.
But what if that same couple experiences some tough times that make them wonder if they really are content? It's always a good idea to take stock of your relationship over time. When a person realizes what's not serving their relationship, they can take steps toward fixing it.
Is your marriage unhappy? Answer these 10 questions to find out.
10. Do You Talk About What's Bothering You Or Keep It Inside?
If you're wondering if your marriage is unhappy, answering yes to this question could tell you that your union isn't as amazing as you want it to be.
A marriage can't survive without communication. When you're upset with your partner or wish that they would change some of their actions, keeping that inside isn't going to do anything. Your marriage might be unhappy if the two of you never discuss your emotions or how you feel about each other. Even if things seem fairly okay and are going along with the status quo, if you're not sharing these feelings, that's not a great sign.
9. Do You Have A Date Night At Least Once A Week?
Every couple has their own idea of what makes for a great date night. While one couple loves the idea of pizza and wine on the couch on a Friday night, the next wants to dress up and go to a nice restaurant.
What's important is that you and your partner are taking some time out of every week to spend with each other. When you're wondering if your marriage is unhappy, you can ask yourself if you have a date night once a week. If you don't, you might not be feeling too close to each other, and it might be time to think about why you're not prioritizing this time as a couple.
8. Do You Complain More To Other People Than Talk To Each Other?
It's tough when you get together with a group of people who are married or in serious, long-term unions because they often complain about their (supposedly) better halves. Your best friend's partner never does the laundry and she's fed up with them, and your other friends never have anything nice to say about their spouses, either.
If you find yourself complaining to others about your partner but don't talk to them quite as freely and openly, your marriage might not be that happy. It's not productive to complain and it's possible that you could both fix what's going on if you talked to each other.
7. Do You Say That You'll Stay Together For The Kids?
When you don't have kids, the idea of getting divorced might not be something that you think is awesome, but it feels a lot simpler than when you have a family to think about. Once you have children and start realizing that your marriage isn't the happiest, it can feel like a lot to deal with.
If you've ever had the thought, "We should stay together for the kids," that could be another sign that your marriage is unhappy. While that's an absolute noble goal, it's not always a good idea in reality. Your kids will benefit from parents who are happy and who aren't fighting or having trouble getting along.
6. Do You Only Talk About The Kids And Take No Time For Each Other?
It's totally normal for a married couple to spend the majority of their time looking after their kids and talking to each other about them. After all, you care so much about your little ones and always want to do the best you can for them.
It's also normal for a married couple to stop thinking of themselves as romantic and focus on the fact that they're parents. It's smart to plan date nights or make sure that you remember that this is your partner; the person you loved so much that you just had to get married and start a family with. When that's not happening, you might not be that happy because you miss having time together.
5. Do You Put More Effort Into Everything But Your Marriage?
If you're a parent, you know that you have so many things on your plate. You get the kids ready for school, clean the house, try to have a bit of a social life (but most of the time that doesn't really seem like it can happen), and you smile throughout your amazing, beautiful life that is full of chaos.
However, you might not be putting that same time and effort into your marriage. It's totally understandable and happens to everyone, of course. At the end of a long day, it doesn't feel like you have that much energy left. But that's why it's important to put effort into your marriage, too. Otherwise, you're going to be unhappy.
4. Do You Miss The Old Days Of The Relationship?
It's easy to think that the old days were better. There is the saying "the good old days," after all. When your life is crazy and you don't have a moment to yourself, when you have kids and work is busy, you can think that the past was a much happier place.
When you start thinking that you miss the old days of your relationship, that could mean two things: It could mean that your marriage is unhappy because things have definitely changed (for the worse) and you have to work to get back to a happier place. Or it could mean that you're expecting things to stay the same and be as easy as they used to be, and it takes a bit of work to realize that everything is fine. Change is normal and inevitable.
3. Do You See Other Couple Friends And Spend Time With Each Other's Families?
They say that "no man is an island" and we could say that no married couple can be, either. It's important to go on double dates with other couples because having a well-rounded social life makes you happier and feel connected to others. Showing others that you're a team makes you feel closer to each other and just feels good.
You should also be spending time with each other's families since you're family to each other now that you're married. It just doesn't work if you spend the holidays separately or don't put in the time to get to know the other person's relatives (unless that's how you role, of course). It's not a happy marriage unless you approach your social and family life as a team.
2. Do You Say Negative Things About Marriage In General?
Talking about something in a negative manner makes you feel pretty crappy. It's funny how that works, right? If you tell yourself that today will be a bad day, that's what's going to happen, whereas putting on a smile and saying you'll make the best of it will do wonders for your mood.
Saying negative things about marriage will make you view your partner and marriage negatively. Your marriage could be unhappy if you think that it's impossible for someone to be content within a marriage because you think that everyone feels trapped or can't make their own decisions. It's time to think about why you feel this way. Maybe marriage isn't for you or maybe this relationship isn't making you feel good.
1. Do You Wish That You Hadn't Gotten Married?
If you have ever asked yourself this question, it could be the most important realization you've ever had. It's very possible that you're in an unhappy marriage if you've ever wondered what life would have been like if you hadn't tied the knot or if you would be more content if you were single.
This is a clear sign that this marriage isn't working for you. Maybe you and your partner have changed too much and aren't changing with one another. Maybe you want kids and they don't. There are so many reasons, but it's smart to remember that staying in an unhappy marriage doesn't do anyone good.
If these 10 questions are familiar to you, then it's time to take a look at your relationship.