I am a stay-at-home mom, and I want more support from society. That’s it. I wish it was that easy, and I could just open my door and yell that into the universe and have it happen, but life is never that easy. Growing up, I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, it is just what motherhood looked like to me. It was what my mom was, and her mother, and I guess it was kind of instilled within me. This was how I wanted my family to look one day. Dad went off to work, and mom stayed home with the children. Now, I have always understood and supported that every family is different, this is just what I wanted for my family. I found a husband who shared my views and we worked hard to make it happen.

However, hindsight is always going to be 20/20 and I think society sets stay at home moms to fail before they even start. The life of a stay-at-home mom is often painted in an incredibly positive light. Movies, TV shows, and the media can portray it as this large privilege, and one that should not be taken for granted. They paint this picture right up until a woman makes that decision, and then the story changes, and when a stay-at-home mom is looking for support from a system that promised her this “wonderful” life, she can feel abandoned.

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While I had always dreamed about being a stay-at-home mom, there were other factors that went into this decision. I worked in a large city that involved a commute. It was also a job within the non-profit sector, known for not having the largest salaries. When I looked at my paycheck and broke down what it would cost me to get to work every month and the amount of money I would need for daycare, I would be going to work to make no money. This is a situation a lot of stay-at-home moms find themselves in, where they may want to work but it financially just doesn’t make any sense.

Now, I am a mom of three children. A 5-year-old girl, a 3-year-old boy, and a 19-month-old boy, and while I love my children and my life, there are things I would like support with. The biggest thing that I need from society is to stop putting rose-colored glasses on what it means to be a ‘stay-at-home mom.’ Society needs to share the stories of the struggles, and the perception that these feelings are normal and valid. Whenever I have a bad day or find myself struggling with staying home, the message of how “privileged” I am comes blasting into my head. I then feel guilty for feeling the way I do, because I should just realize and accept how lucky I am. When the truth is, I don’t always feel lucky. I feel like this is a lot of work, and while some may see it as a privilege, I often see sacrifice.

I see myself sacrificing myself and who I was before becoming a mother. I sacrifice adult conversation that I miss out on by not going into an office every day. I sacrifice any resemblance of a lunch or bathroom break. I also sacrifice any type of “time off.” The way society perceives stay at home moms also adds fuel to the fire of the “mommy ways.” The working moms are against the stay-at-home moms, both thinking that they have it the worst. When they are both challenging, just in different ways. The challenges are different and both are valid.

Society also needs to end the narrative that being a stay-at-home mom is what women are made for. That is simply not true, and it places a burden on the backs of stay-at-home moms, like me, who struggle with it sometimes. That we are doing something wrong if we don’t enjoy it every second of every day. When a stay-at-home mom feels like she cannot reach out for support and help, she can take on the heavy burden of feeling like a failure.

While there are no endless amounts of playgroups or mom groups for stay-at-home moms, there is a lack of recognized societal support for a stay-at-home mom's mental health. A support group that is set up for stay-at-home moms to connect. A quick google search for stay-at-home support groups sends me to online groups in my areas with other moms. While this can be a great resource, there was little offered in the way of professional support for moms who stay at home. At the end of it all, the only support I need from society is a perspective and reality check on what it truly means to be a stay-at-home mom. Some validation that our feelings are normal, real, and worth listening to.