Having a nanny can be a tremendous help for busy parents who are unwilling to give up their jobs to stay home with the kids. And while letting someone else take care of the little ones can be challenging, it certainly has its benefits. However, finding the right balance between having a nanny who takes care of a child and having one who takes over and raises them is not an easy task.
As it turns out, many parents make a lot of mistakes when hiring a nanny, and sometimes they aren't even aware of it. There are a number of clear indicators as to the way in which kids who have been raised by nannies behave, feel and react to outside factors. If your kid's behavior is similar to the ones described, then there is a good chance they were raised by nannies instead of being taken care of by one.
It's never too late to fix the situation though. With early realization also comes the opportunity to adjust and try to find a nanny/parents balance.
No one said parenting would be easy, remember? And it certainly isn't easy for those parents who are busy. Here are 20 things children might feel or do if they are being raised by their nanny instead of their parents.
20 The Child Describes Their Parents As 'Busy'
When it comes to being asked how they would describe their parents, all kids raised by nannies say the same thing: busy, busy, busy, busy.
And the truth is the parents likely are indeed occupied. Having been told from a very young age that their parents are busy inevitably leads kids to associate that same adjective with their parents on a daily basis.
Now, while there's nothing wrong with this, it is somewhat of a concern if the kid's first association to their parents is that they are unavailable. Instead, we should strive for our kids to answer that we're funny, nice, or any other positive attribute.
19 The Child Always Asks The Nanny For Help Or Approval
You know how kids usually ask their parents for help when they need it, or approval when they want something? Kids brought up by nannies tend to ask their nannies instead.
Initially, there is nothing wrong with that, however, it becomes a cause for concern once the child starts asking the nanny rather than the parents.
And it is definitely unacceptable if the child had already asked the parents for approval, only to then turn to the nanny and ask again.
While it is important that the child respects the nanny's authority, they should still be aware that the parents are the ultimate boss.
18 The Child Seems Lonely With Their Parents
Kids who don't spend much time with their parents can have a hard time bonding with them.
This often results with the kids feeling lonely and sad when they're spending time with their parents. So when parents who have a nanny notice that their child is uncomfortable around them, they should definitely make the extra effort to ensure the child feels loved, accepted, comfortable and overall has some fun.
Our jobs are very important, but having a good relationship with their child should definitely always be at the top of every parent's priority list. Having a nanny is completely acceptable, but the parent's relationship with their child should never be compromised because of it.
17 And Doesn't See Their Parents Often
It is surely hard to manage being a parent and having a job, which is why nannies come in handy, but parents should still, no matter what, make sure they spend enough time with their little loved ones. Kids raised by nannies rarely see their parents, and while the parents might think it won't affect the children badly, sine they are still young (and in good hands), they are absolutely wrong.
A child still knows who their parents are but they also know their parents are absent a lot. Toddlers have feelings too and they can definitely miss their parents, a feeling no parent on earth actually wants their children to experience.
16 The Child Doesn't Listen To The Parents
Now this is where the authority confusion comes in. Once a kid spends a lot of time with the nanny, they start assuming the nanny is the ultimate authority in their life.
This can result in the child disobeying its parents. Sure, there's plenty of reasons a kid might not listen to his or her parents but if the nanny is there pretty much 24/7, then that might be a good indicator as to the source of the problem.
And honestly, who could blame the kid? It is a natural conclusion they made. If this is the situation, the parents definitely need to step up their parenting game, be more present, and make sure the child realizes that parents come first on the chain of authority.
15 And Thinks The Nanny Is The Parent
This is something that definitely happens to those children who had a nanny from a very young age. It can even happen that a toddler starts calling their nanny "mommy" (or "daddy" if it's a male nanny), and while this may seem cute and funny at first, it should definitely be taken seriously.
No parent wants their child to think someone else is its parent, which is why situations like these should not be taken lightly. If it occurs, the parents need to talk to their toddler, make sure they realize they are the parents, and that the nanny is just a lovely person helping them out for now.
14 The Child Has More Fun With The Nanny Than The Parents
Most good nannies take their jobs very seriously and make sure the children they're taking care of have plenty of fun. So it is no wonder that the kids end up having a better time with their nanny than their parents. A contributor to this is also the fact that parents, once they do get to spend time with their children, tend to be tired and exhausted.
And those kinds of parents are just never as fun as a nanny who is willing to run around with them at the park, or play the games they want to play.
13 The Child Feels Like A Burden To The Parents
Because parents tend to be so tired and exhausted once they do get to hang out with their child, the child might start assuming they feel that way because of them.
This is especially true if the parents are easily irritable and might take that out on the child by saying things they might not say otherwise.
Young children still struggle with understanding how the world works, and they might end up thinking that they are the reason why the parents are always so unhappy. As a result, they may start feeling like a burden to them. And no child should ever have to feel that way.
12 And Is Growing Up Too Fast
Because kids with nannies may feel like they are a burden to their parents, they also tend to grow up faster. Now surely, this also depends on what kind of relationship they have with their nanny, but in general, children who can't reach out to their parents whenever they need to are bound to end up becoming more mature and grown up faster. And while this has its benefits, it also has its fair share of disadvantages because kids should enjoy their childhood. If they are grow up too fast, they end up missing out on different parts of it.
11 The Child Is Used To 24/7 Attention
Kids with nannies are used to being the center of attention. It comes naturally considering they have a person taking care of them and focusing only on them for a big part of the day (maybe even the whole day).
And once that attention is taken away, they crave and seek it, which can result in them becoming whiny and obnoxious.
If the parents absolutely need to have a nanny, it is always a good idea to tell the nanny to not give her full attention to the child all the time (or at least to pretend not to). Children need to learn they are not the center of the world.
10 The Child Craves More Time With Their Parents & Family
Another common thing that can happen to children who spend most of their time with a nanny is that they start craving and needing more time with their parents and the whole family.
Rather than voicing their concerns out loud, they may instead simply be sad or moody. However, there are some children who will be very vocal about wanting to spend more time with their parents.
And if busy parents still want their children to have a healthy and loving childhood, they need to make sure family time is a priority. They also need to make sure they dedicate just as much time to each individual child as they do to the whole family together.
Nannies come and go, but family is forever.
9 But Is Sad When The Nanny Isn't Around
To a kid, a good nanny feels like family, and it would be the happiest if the nanny and the parents could just all be there all the time.
They might be still too young to understand that if the nanny is there, then that means the parents are busy and won't be there. Conversely, if the parents are there, they need to know there is no need for the nanny.
Things like these need to be carefully explained to young kids, so that they realize that they will now spend quality time with their parents and that their nanny will be back the next day.
8 The Child Is Jealous Of The Nanny's Kids
In the same way kids can get jealous when their parents give attention to other children, kids can also get jealous when their nanny places their attention somewhere else; especially if that somewhere else is onto her own children. While the nanny can make an effort to explain the situation to the child she's taking care of, it is really a parent's job to make their child understand that the nanny has a family of her own, one similar to theirs, and that her kids also need love and attention from her. The older the child gets, the better they will understand this.
7 The Child Dislikes Being Alone
After having a nanny's attention for pretty much the whole day, it only makes sense that being alone is a huge contrast for the child. Thus, if the parents tend to not give their children enough attention once they are home, then it can lead the child to feeling distressed spending time alone. However, parents should make sure the child has a good balance of attention and alone time in order to learn to love and appreciate both because as grown-ups, we all crave both sometimes.
6 The Child Loves The Nanny More
This is a tough one for the parents as no parent really wants their kid to choose the nanny over them. But this also happens more often than assumed. It isn't really surprising that the child turns out to love the person who gives them constant attention and fun more than those who are barely there.
If this is the case, the parents need to seriously reconsider their priorities because their child will definitely remember its childhood, and who was or wasn't a big part of it.
5 The Child Starts Speaking The Nanny's Mother Tongue
If the nanny happens to speak another language, then the chances are that at some point, she or he might say a word of their native language while with the child, either by accident or on purpose. While some parents might not be too big fans of this, others actually totally encourage it. And why wouldn't they as it can potentially result in their child becoming bilingual at a young age?
However, if the child does pick up on words and phrases - and kids do this pretty quickly when they're young - then the chances are the kid still spends too much time with their nanny.
4 The Child Is Unfriendly & Resentful
When kids are unhappy, they tend to either become sad or mean. And if they do become mean towards their parents, it's just part of their defense mechanism. In that case, parents should never assume the child is just being spoiled and childish. They should instead try to get to the bottom as to why the kid is behaving that way. Obviously parents don't want to be resented by their own children, and if they are, well then they should definitely reconsider whether they are doing something wrong (or more precisely, whether they aren't doing something enough).
3 And Picks Up Certain Traits From The Nanny
Young kids tend to pick up things from the people they're surrounded by the most. They usually pick up certain phrases or behaviors from their parents, but if the person they spend most of their time with is the nanny, then they will most likely pick up a bunch of behaviors from them instead. Most of the time this isn't a problem, but if it ends up bugging the parents, they should perhaps reconsider spending more time with their kid.
At the end of the day, most parents love hearing how their child is a mini version of them, not their nanny.
2 The Child Cries For The Nanny
When kids fall or hurt themselves, they usually cry for mommy or daddy. But kids raised by their nannies tend to actually cry for them even if their parents are right by their side.
And if this isn't an obvious indicator to the fact that the child is spending too much time with its nanny and not enough time with their parents, then we don't know what is. Children tend to cry for the person they feel most safe with, and at the end of the day that should always be a parent.
1 The Parents Don't Know Their Child Well Enough
Lastly, the most obvious indicator that the child is being raised by a nanny is the fact that the parents don't know their child well.
They don't know their favorite food or favorite toy; they don't know the child's habits well enough and they also don't know what the child's daily needs are.
If this is the case, the parents should definitely change things up, because not knowing your own child can only result in a bad parent-child relationship, and once it gets there it will be very difficult to fix it.
Every parent should want to get to know their child and no child should ever have to beg for a parents attention.