From the moment a woman sees two lines on a pregnancy test, she has a lot of decisions to make. She has to decide how she is going to feed her baby, if she is going to use cloth diapers, and what she is going to name her baby. While these are all important decisions, mom also starts thinking about long-term ideals, like what kind of mom she is going to be.

There are a lot of parenting styles out there, and some choose one and stick to it, and some take concepts from various ones to build a style that works for them. However, a mother’s personality plays a big part in what kind of mom she is going to be, and moms may not have a lot of control over that.

No one wants to admit that they are self-centered, because it has always been attributed as being a negative personality aspect. These people are seen as “selfish,” and incapable of thinking of others as much as they think about themselves. However, when you become a mom, you are forced to think about someone else, sometimes even more.

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We are going to take a look at self-centered parenting, and how it impacts child development and wellbeing. It can help mom identify if she falls into this category, and how she can help stop it.

It Leads To Role-Reversal

Moments You Wish You Never Had Kids, How To Overcome Them
a sad mom with her child 

When it comes to a parent and child relationship, there are clear roles that are outlined. Even in the most respectful relationships, there is usually a clear adult and a child. This is vital for child development, as they need guidance and direction from a clear parent in their lives. According to Psychology Today, when a family has a self-centered parent, it can lead to role reversal.

That is because the self-centered parent wants everything to be revolved around them. The relationship is often one-sided, and the parent can end up enlisting the child to care for their needs. They lack empathy for their child, and they cannot understand why their child wants to go out and play, and not cater to their needs. They will often display a lot of “child-like” behaviors, and this leads to a child that does not have a positive role model in their lives.

Emotional Damage

sad-child-1

Another damaging thing that it can do is create a child who feels like they have “satisfy” their children. They end up feeling like they are strong enough, and capable, of solving their parents’ problems, and worse, that they need to. They become “trained” to pay attention to the emotional needs of their children while having them ignored. This does not help them grow to learn how a healthy relationship works, and it could cause them issues for the rest of their life.

How They See Themselves

A child looking in the mirror at their reflection
via Pexels / Gabby K

While self-centered parents can alter how a child views them and other adults around them, they can also change how they view themselves. According to VOI, self-centered parents can create children who have low self-esteem, and no confidence in themselves. This can lead to mental health struggles, like anxiety, depression, and even runaway behavior.

Basically, it changes how a child grows up. Since self-centered parents are not meeting the emotional needs of a child, they can grow up not knowing how to be strong and capable, and since they don’t know any different, they start to see it as a personal flaw. One of the biggest issues with self-centered parenting is that children will imitate what they see, and this means that parents could be setting up a generational struggle with selfish behavior.

Hope Is Not Lost

A mom in bed with her child and forgetting something

If mom is reading this, and thinking that she has some of these traits, it is OK. While it may not be ideal, the first step is to identify the problem and make sure that she is working hard to make sure that her children do not grow up to be selfish and entitled. According to CNBC, there are some things that moms can try and avoid doing to help their children.

It is important that mom creates teaching moments whenever possible. If mom catches herself doing something selfish, or self-centered, she needs to stop and talk to her child about it. It is OK if our children see us as being less than perfect, and it can be a great way to teach them that no one is perfect, but we can work at being better. It is also important to make sure they know that they are not “owed” anything, and this can be hard for a self-centered parent, as they are used to feeling this way. This means that mom has to work on herself as she helps to raise her child to be better.

Sources: Psychology Today, VOI, CNBC