There are dozens of parenting styles and discipline strategies out there. However, no matter which techniques you use, there's one thing that nearly every parenting expert agrees on — consistency is more important than anything else. But how can parents remain consistent when disciplining their children? Well, these strategies can help.
Pick Your Priorities
It's impossible to remain consistent when you are enforcing dozens of rules with multiple children, especially if you're a working mom. Therefore, the experts at Empowering Parents say the first step to creating more consistent discipline across the board is picking your priorities and narrowing your focus.
When we bite off more than we can chew, we become overwhelmed. This is when consistency goes out the window because we're in "parenting survival mode." So, choose specific behaviors that you feel are the most problematic and start with those. Then, as things improve and these areas become more routine, you can add additional areas to focus on. This will help you become more consistent across the board, and it will help your child learn to expect what's coming next and will improve their behavior.
Remind Yourself To Stay Consistent
Sometimes it's hard to remain consistent when disciplining your children. There are days when you may feel overwhelmed with stress and your patience wears thin. There may also be days when you are preoccupied with other aspects of your life and don't want to stop it to correct your child or are too distracted to notice what's going on.
To counteract this, the team at Family Education recommends using tangible reminders to keep yourself on track. These reminders can be little notes you leave for yourself in places where you'll see them like the refrigerator, your computer screen, or the bathroom mirror. They should also be simple, one-line phrases like, "Ignore tantrums," or "Stay calm."
Having reminders in place will help jog your memory throughout the day. Over time, these little reminders will become engrained in your mind so that consistent discipline feels more natural. This will raise your confidence in disciplining your children, so you can focus on other aspects of your parenting you wish to improve.
Be Clear About Inconsistencies
When we are inconsistent in our discipline strategies with our children, it sends several messages. For starters, it tells them that the rules we've put in place aren't important and can therefore be broken. Furthermore, inconsistencies show children that we don't actually follow through on consequences, so breaking the rules isn't as scary as they originally thought. Obviously, both of these thoughts can get kids into trouble, especially as they grow up.
Can we always avoid inconsistencies in our discipline? No, probably not. However, we can communicate times when there will be inconsistencies ahead of time, as an article published by BabyCenter suggests. For example, if you are going on a vacation with your extended family, there's a chance that the "rules" may look different during that vacation time. If you warn your kids in advance by saying, "Since we're going on vacation with family members, our bedtime routine may look different," or "Usually you aren't allowed to drink sodas, but since we're on vacation, it's okay."
Regardless of the situation or how your usual discipline strategies will be impacted, communicating this in advance will help children understand the logic behind these changes. It will also help them see that once conditions return to your family's normal routine, the rules they are used to along with the discipline you provide, will return.
Remain Calm & Patient
When something isn't working, our initial response is to let our emotions about the situation take over. This means when we're angry that our children aren't following the rules, we're more likely to raise our voices or argue. If you're tired and don't feel like dealing with the situation, you may be more likely to become upset or resort to bribery tactics. Unfortunately, all of these emotional responses get in the way of consistent discipline.
No matter what's going on, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to remain calm and patient. You may need to work on calming techniques like paced breathing or self-soothing to achieve this, and it will absolutely take practice. However, if you remain calm, your kids will, too. This will ultimately yield better behavior, fewer tantrums, and less arguing. And what parent doesn't want that?
Remaining consistent can be a struggle with anything parenting related. However, it's important for your children that you remain consistent across the board when it comes to discipline strategies and enforcing your house rules. When you keep your discipline strategies consistent, children feel securer and are better equipped to behave in the ways you would like. This will keep your home happy and harmonious, which is all mom really wants.
Sources: Empowering Parents, Family Education, BabyCenter