Any new parent has watched a movie or television series featuring kids, babies, pregnant women, or new parents and nodded their head in affirmation at a statement or two. “I totally get that!”
Sometimes, the quotes are touching, sometimes practical. But in comedies, they are often downright hilarious while also being completely relatable. Here are 10 hilarious parenting movie quotes that will have any new parent raising his or her fist in agreement.
11 So. Much. Poop.
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
From the iconic 1987 comedy Three Men and a Baby starring Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and Nancy Travis, this quote, spoken by Selleck’s character Michael, perfectly describes what every new parent says after about a week of consistent diaper changes. It really is unfathomable that such a tiny little body that only drinks breastmilk and/or formula could produce such foul-looking, foul-smelling waste!
10 Happy Wife, Happy Life
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
Come on dads, you totally understand this. Spoken by John Travolta’s character James in the 1989 romantic comedy Look Who’s Talking about a baby whose inner voice (Bruce Willis) viewers can hear, and it’s completely relatable to anyone who lives by the saying “happy wife, happy life.” As long as mom is happy, the kids will be happy. If mom isn’t happy, the kids will feel it. Although one could argue that it goes both ways, and keeping mom happy means the kids won’t drive her crazy either!
9 Parenting is Scary Stuff
“[Parenting] is like your Aunt Edna’s [butt]. It goes on forever and it’s just as frightening.”
Uttered in the 1989 film Parenthood, this quote uses a pretty mean analogy—poor Aunt Edna!—to describe how difficult, long, and scary parenting is. Main character Gil Buckman, played by Steve Martin, has three kids and is feeling the heat with another on the way, questioning his abilities as a father when he realizes the troubles his kids are having and feels that he's to blame. So it’s no wonder that his father Frank (Jason Robards) soothes him with this statement in the film.
8 The Cool Mom
“There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”
The quote that has become a popular meme. Spoken by June George, mom of mean girl Regina George (Rachel McAdams) in the 2004 cult film Mean Girls. Funny woman Amy Poehler plays the 40-something mom who’s trying to look “cool” in the eyes of her teenage daughter and her friends, acting young and friendly versus authoritative. We can all relate to seeing older kids hanging out and reminiscing about when we were young, still viewing ourselves as the playful teens we once were. These feelings start to emerge as soon as you become a parent and feel like your old "cool" self is starting to slip away. (Don't worry, moms, you can still be totally cool!)
7 Reading the Signs
“That’s not the sign for poop, that’s the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop!”
Any new parent’s worst fear is that they won’t be able to understand what their baby wants and needs at any given time. In this quote from Meet the Fockers, grandfather Jack (Robert DeNiro) argues with dad Greg (Ben Stiller)—one of many times the two feud with one another—over what the baby really needs, and what the signs mean. Wait, does a loud, shrill cry mean my diaper is wet, or that I’m hungry? I can’t remember!
5 Grease It Out
“Can I just spray a little PAM down there right before the baby comes out?”
Another line spoken by the hilarious Amy Poehler, this time while playing Angie in 2008’s Baby Mama, she clearly hasn’t had kids yet, thinking that squeezing one out is similar to greasing up a pan so your wonderful cake slides right out once it’s done. While some women do have quick births, often with the second of subsequent kids, I promise you, none is ever effortless! So sorry, Angie, but it’s not quite that easy. What woman would want PAM sprayed onto her lady bits, anyway? We're giving birth to a human, not a pot roast!
4 You Have…How Many Kids?
“This isn’t funny. This guy’s got 12 kids. That’s not funny. That’s a lot of responsibility to just be… laughing about. This is sick. This is a sick movie. I gotta turn this off. It’s freaking me out.”
After having one child, any new parent has trouble comprehending how anyone could possibly go on to have 2, 3, 4, or (gasp!) more kids. Isn’t it just torture? In this clip from the 2007 movie Knocked Up, Ben, who is about to become a father after accidentally getting a girl he barely knows pregnant, takes mushrooms and decides to watch Cheaper by the Dozen. Big mistake! The supposed comedy, in his paranoid and worried state, becomes a frightening horror film instead.
3 PG-Rated Show & Tell, Please
“Mike, you have show-and-tell today. Please honey, remember body parts do not count.”
Parents of kindergarten or preschool-aged kids will understand this all too well. It’s time for show and tell, but what does your child want to bring? His favorite stuffed animal? Soccer ball? Toy? Or maybe he’s just exploring with his body and decides to showcase his privates. Kids are innocent and don’t know any better, so this could totally happen. Which is why in the 2003 comedy Cheaper By the Dozen, Bonnie Hunt’s character Kate speaks these words to one of her youngest of 12 (!) children.
2 No One is Every Ready
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
You’ll hear new and expecting parents say “I just don’t know if I’m ready” often. News flash; no one is ever “ready” to have kids. There's no handbook or course you can take to prepare you for being a good parent. So this statement, spoken by a dad in the 2012 film What to Expect When You’re Expecting, is so relatable—even more so that it’s spoken by a dad, as men often feel as though they just don’t have something comparable to the maternal instinct a mom has.
1 Dad Fails
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
Every parent has had a fail; whether it was accidentally leaving their baby at home as they got into the car in the driveway, forgetting to pack diapers, or leaving the child for a split second after which the walls are covered in marker. But with the 2012 film What to Expect When You’re Expecting being a romantic comedy, the dad fail examples given by members of a dad’s group take funny to another level. They’ll make any new parent not feel so bad about having forgotten their baby’s binky or for picking up their child 20 minutes from daycare because they slept in.