There are children all across the US who are living with parents who are deployed in service. Whether that be the military, the navy, or the air force, they are separated from their mom, dad, or even both. We have all seen those heartwarming videos of parents and children reuniting, but the journey to get there is never going to be easy. As a parent, or caregiver, who is at home with the child, it can be tough to manage the emotions that arise when a parent is deployed.

However, it is essential that we try for the sake of the child’s mental health. It is also essential because the number of parents on deployment is trending upwards.

According to BMC, in 2015, there were approximately 877,000 parents on active duty or on ready reserve, and 80% of them were married to civilians and 5% were married to other military members. It was also reported that enrollment is trending upwards, as more and more sign up. How can we help the children who are left at home?

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Why Do They Need Help?

In order to help a problem, there needs to be a clear understanding of what the problem is. You can’t fix a leaking sink if you don’t know which one is leaking. According to NCCP, children who have a parent deployed are at risk for several mental health issues. The support they need may be dependent on their age because a 1-year-old is not going to have the same understanding as a 5-year-old, so it is important to look at how much the child understands and watch for any signs that something is not quite right.

There are some factors to take into consideration. Children between the ages of 3 and 5 are more likely to exhibit behavioral symptoms. Things like “acting out” is common within this age group. Children who are in school may have a higher risk of mood and behavioral changes. There may be more anger, apathy, anxiety, and depression seen. This also may be seen in a decline in academic performance and loss of interest in activities.

Before Deployment

If time is on the family’s side, it may prove to be beneficial to start the work before deployment happens. This is a great proactive way to handle any feelings of worry and sadness that may be felt because the deployed parent can be part of the conversation. According to Military One Source, a lot of the conversation will be based on how old the child is and what they are developmentally able to understand.

It is always important to be honest with your child in an age-appropriate way. Make sure you are relaying messages that they can understand and leaving out things that may cause unnecessary worry. Even though you may be sad as well, it is important to remain upbeat and positive.

Plan some one-on-one activities with your child, time to spend some time with them before you leave, and make sure that they know how you will be communicating with them when you are gone. Whether this is phone calls, face time, or snail mail, make sure they know that a plan is in place for communication.

Already Deployed

Even if proactive work is done with the child, negative feelings are likely to arrive at some point. There needs to be a plan to address these issues when they happen.

According to Kids Health, one of the best things to do is make sure that the child’s routine stays as close to normal as possible. Having a parent away from them for an extended period of time is already a huge adjustment, and this means any other adjustments should be kept as minor as possible.

Staying connected is also important, and even though they may be miles away, you want to make it seem like the parent is right there with them.

•Look at pictures together, watch home videos, or share stories about some fun memories.

•If you know where the parent is in the world, look at maps or pictures of that country so that they can feel like they are a part of it.

It is also important for the parent at home with the child to make sure they get support. They are likely to go through periods of feeling burnt out, having to take on extra duties, and having their own worries and fears. Having someone you can trust and who will support you will help you get the self-care you need to make sure you can provide assistance to your child.

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Sources: Kids Health, BMC, NCCP, Military One Source