One of the hardest parts of motherhood is trying to figure out what kind of parent you are going to be. Some moms read books while they are pregnant on how to get through pregnancy and the first year, but they also may read books on parenting to see how they want to raise their child. While there is no one right way to raise a child, there are countless methods that mom can adopt depending on what kind of style she wants to raise her children with.
We have all heard of the ‘tiger mom,’ ‘helicopter mom’ and the ‘lawnmower mom,’ and while there are benefits and negative to all of these, they more describe who you are as a mom and not how you parent your child. Gentle parenting is a relatively new term and parenting trend that has been taking over social media. Parents everywhere are sharing their tips on how to be a gentle parent, and what that means. We have compiled a complete guide to this form of parenting and what it can mean for you and your family.
What Is Gentle Parenting? – An Overview
According to Guide Post Montessori, gentle parenting is really about creating a partnership with your child. While mom and child are not exact equals, they work together to make choices, and this is based on internal willingness instead of a child behaving because they feel pressured to by mom.
Gentle parenting asks a lot out of moms, and some moms may find that their personality is not fit for this type of parenting method. It relies on a mom’s ability to be compassionate, empathetic, and one who welcomes their child’s emotions. It is the ability to see your child as their own unique person, instead of someone you have to mold to be a good person. The good news is that this type of parenting does not follow a set of rules that mom has to follow.
Biggest Myth
There are myths surrounding gentle parenting, and they are typically started because individuals lack knowledge and information on what this parenting style is. There are a lot of people out there who believe that gentle parenting means that there are no boundaries and that children are never told "no" or discipline. Gentle parenting does not avoid discipline or boundaries. The difference is that instead of using phrases like “because I said so,” a gentle parent will explain to their children the rationale for the decision and work together to come up with a solution.
The Benefits
There are multiple benefits to gentle parenting, and these are important to know. According to The Conversation, there have been numerous studies done to show how beneficial this method can be in raising children. One of the biggest benefits is that a child will grow to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others because they have grown up in an environment where their feelings and emotions were always validated and met.
There have also been benefits about discipline, and that is because other forms of discipline are seen as short-term, and that is because the discipline is done “to” a child, and not with them. With gentle parenting, children are a part of the discipline process and this can lead to more long-lasting impacts.
The Negatives
To get a full picture it is also important to look at the negatives of a parenting method to make sure that it is right for you. One of the negatives of gentle parenting is that it can take a toll on a mother’s mental health and wellbeing. Moms are humans to, and they are prone to getting upset and frustrated, and this can often come with yelling and possibly “overreacting” when it comes to a child’s behavior. To practice gentle parenting, parents need to make sure that they have a lot of self-control, which can mean some hard self-work.
What Makes It Different?
There are many things that set gentle parenting apart from other forms of parenting. According to Very Well Family, gentle parenting is typically seen as “too lenient” when compared to other forms, however, gentle parenting is the parenting method that is least likely to have any negative impact on a child’s mental health. Some may compare gentle parenting with “permissive parenting,” and they are both completely different.
Permissive parents often have a hard time with routines and schedules, because they opt-out of disciplining their child altogether, where gentle parenting works with the child. Remember, gentle parenting is all about working with your child. They are seen as their own person and are taught to follow rules and boundaries.
Where To Start?
For a mom who wants to try implementing this type of parenting, she may not know where to start. According to Good To, the best place to start with this form of parenting is to try keeping empathy in your every day. When dealing with your child, whether they are having a tantrum or showing that they are frustrated, try stopping and imaging where they are coming from. This may be challenging, as our adult brains have moved past the child stage. However, since gentle parenting is a partnership, it is important that mom thinks about what her child is going through so that she can validate their feelings and work with them on a solution. This is a great first step.
Respect and understanding are two other important factors in gentle parenting, and this can be hard for a mom. It can be hard for her to almost remove herself as a “parent,” someone who is in charge of her children and see herself as more of an individual. It is important to respect a child as an individual, and this goes back to the mindset of parents not “owning” their children. A rough day, and negative child behavior, can put a pin in any mom’s plans to be a gentle parent, but this is where understanding comes into play. If mom takes a moment to pause and truly understand that her child is not developmentally able to regulate their emotions then they can better approach the situation with patience and empathy.
Like with all parenting styles, it can take time to know if this is the right method for you. There is also no rule that says you have to do everything that the method states, there is no reason not to cherry-pick ideas from different methods. Every family and child are unique and that means that their parenting style is going to be unique as well.
Sources: Guide Post Montessori, The Conversation, Very Well Family, Good To