OK, did April feel like the longest month ever to anyone else? January felt like it was 14 years long, February and March were OK, and then April came along and dragged on forever. Maybe it's because of spring break, or Easter. Or maybe it's just because we are 100% done with school and activities and everything else. Why do we even come back to school after spring break? Nobody wants to be there. No one wants to fill in reading logs and check homework and pack lunches. We just want to sit outside in the nice spring air, while our kids run themselves ragged in the backyard and then crash out of sheer exhaustion every night. The only thing getting us through the weeks is the promise of summer and these tweets from people who understand us on a deep level.
It took my toddler so long to pick a spoon for dinner, she forgot what she was doing, I forgot what I was doing, and we just stood there staring at each other until she left.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 26, 2019
Spoons serve a single purpose. They all work the same. But a kid will take so long to pick one out that their food is congealed enough to eat it with their hands. WHICH IS WHAT THEY END UP DOING ANYWAY.
Lady on the phone: it sounds like you’re in the car. Should I call at a better time?— Celeste Yvonne (@andwhatamom) April 23, 2019
Me: are you kidding? My kids are strapped in. This is the ONLY time to call.
The freedom parents feel when their kids are snapped into the car seats is hard to replicate. They can't get out! They can't touch you or sit on you or rummage through your purse. You could sit in the front seat and eat their favorite snack, and all they can do is watch helplessly. It's a good feeling.
My kid’s soccer roster looks less like a group of 8 year olds and more like a band of dwarves in Lord of the Rings.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 24, 2019
We absolutely love watching little kids play sports, but let's be honest. They're not playing sports, really. At best, they're doing something that maybe resembles a sport if you turn your head, close one eye, and squint. Kids soccer is the best -just a bunch of insanely pumped up kids running around like mad, and one sitting in the field picking flowers.
As long as you sing to the tune of "You Are my Sunshine," you can literally say anything you want to a baby. I just vented all my frustrations and she still fell asleep. Best therapy ever.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) April 23, 2019
Babies actually make great therapists! They don't interrupt, they don't tell you you're wrong or out of pocket. They just sit and stare at you, not understanding a single think you're saying but hanging onto every single word. You could confess your worst crimes to your baby and no one would be the wiser. Good talk.
My kids ate 1 million grams of sugar yesterday. Shout out to all the teachers today. Godspeed.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 22, 2019
The day after Easter, millions of parents sent their sugar-hungover kids to school with jelly beans and Peeps in their lunch, and teachers everywhere gave them a giant middle finger. The day after Easter is almost as bad as the day after Halloween.
You think you’re going to have a pretty normal day and then your 5-year-old announces she only walks backwards now.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 20, 2019
Or they decide they're going to speak in a language only they know. Or wear their pants as a shirt and their shirt as pants. Or eat only orange food. Or drink water upside down. Our lives are dictated by the whims of tiny people who can't even wipe their own butts properly.