If you're reading this, we salute you: you survived another week of parenting! You survived another week of whining and fighting and refusing to eat dinner. Depending on where you live, you survived another week or freezing temps, snow, or rain with your kids stuck inside all day. You battled over homework and wearing sandals in the winter and whether or not your kid needed a coat when it was 30 degrees outside. You woke up each morning, ready to take on the day! And you passed out each night, wondering how in the hell you could do this all over again the next day. You did it! So you definitely deserve to laugh right about now.
Prepare for parenthood by memorizing that scene in “The Devil Wears Prada” where Miranda asks Andy to go fetch her a T-Bone steak, & after Andy jumps through hoops to get it for her, Miranda sneers & says “What’s that? I don’t want that” while looking at her like she’s an idiot.— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) February 18, 2019
Kids are the masters of changing their minds. You could write down what they want in great detail, and somehow you will have gotten it wrong. We should just accept that we will never get it 100% right.
Wife: We should child-proof the house— The Dad (@thedad) February 22, 2019
Me: Yes! Wait till they go to school and then you lock the doors and I'll nail the windows shut
You can totally childproof your house to keep your little ones safe. But let's face it - there's no way to protect your house from your children, short of locking them out and making them live outside.
A children’s birthday party game: guess which guests are contagious.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 21, 2019
Who doesn't love a rousing game of Pin the Virus on the Child?! No matter how many kids are at a birthday party, you can count on at least 40% of them being contagious. You know you're in for a treat when you spot the kids wiping their noses on their sleeves or sneezing directly each other's faces.
In case you're wondering if kids do mimic parents, my kid picked up her toy laptop, said she was looking for bathing suits, and after a few minutes closed it and said she couldn't find anything she liked.— Steph Garcia (@mostephlove) February 18, 2019
Our kids are fond of walking around holding an empty coffee mug, complaining about how messy the house is. So maybe we should speak under our breath more, is what we're saying. These little sponges pick up everything.
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of individually decorating each room, the entire house can look like a daycare that was looted.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 17, 2019
Remember when you had nice things? Fancy throw pillows and glass on your tables and fresh plants or flowers? Remember when not everything in your house was a primary color or plastic or covered in fingerprints and/or dried boogers? We don't either.
Being a parent is finding a way to provide rich, full lives for your children while being perpetually broke and exhausted because of them.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 18, 2019
It's definitely a double-edged sword! They take all your money and time and energy, but require nothing but money and time and energy.
5y/o and I made cupcakes. After handing one to his dad he said, condescendingly "Here's yours, daddy. Don't eat the paper part."— Adventures In Babyshitting (@KMoFlo_official) February 18, 2019
Listen, that's just good advice. You never know if someone is aware of the paper part, so making them aware is just being a good human.