If you're married with kids, then you know - there are two different types of marriage. There's marriage before you had children, which was nice and exciting and relaxing. And then there's marriage after kids, where it's a fight for survival and supremacy, you're both too tired to do anything, and everything in your house is sticky or covered in sand. We're not going to pick one over another, they're both great in their own ways.
Having kids is great! Being a parent is great!
You and your partner are on this amazing journey together, creating life and raising kids and being awesome! But like ... why is everything always sticky, you guys. Here are some of the funniest tweets about marriage from parents, we're sure you'll relate to them more than you want to admit.
*Husband grabs a fruit roll-up from pantry*— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) June 27, 2019
Me: "Put it back. Those are for the kids."
As I watch my husband drive off from the window, I open a fruit roll-up, eat it, and relish in my victory.
Snacks are put into three categories: Kid Snacks, Family Snacks, and Kid Snacks That Only Mom Can Eat. We didn't make the rules, fellas, sorry.
5yo: *crying* you never let me have any fun— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) June 25, 2019
wife: you were yelling at your sister
5yo: yeah, that’s fun
me: it is pretty fun
We're not saying the kids get their bad influences from anyone in the family, but ... it does feel very THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE sometimes, right? This is probably why our kids think farting is so funny - nothing makes our husband laugh harder than an ill-timed toot.
I’ve heard of pre-marriage counseling but I really feel like we should go in for a tune up before we pack this car for vacation.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 23, 2019
Nothing tests a marriage like packing the entire family and half your belongings into the car for a road trip. You better hope you are on solid ground, or at the very least, have the number of a good divorce lawyer in your phone.
Wife: Our son is pretty strong-willed sometimes, huh?— The Dad (@thedad) July 6, 2019
Me: We’re not in a parent-teacher conference. You can just say he’s an asshole sometimes.
No one is allowed to call your kid an asshole, except the two people who made them! That is also one of the rules.
Me: We should get a bigger car.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 9, 2019
Wife: You're not thinking we should have another kid, right?
Me: No, I'm just tired of being able to hear the ones we do have when we are driving.
A bigger car isn't enough. Family cars need to come with a sliding partition or window that separates mom and dad from whatever insanity is happening in the backseat. Bigger cars still aren't soundproof.
My preschooler wanted me to play with her so she asked my wife for permission if you were wondering how much authority I have in the home.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 26, 2019
Well, someone clearly taught that little girl how things work around that house. Mom is the one you ask, no matter what the question is.
I wasn’t even aware my husband was in the house and I sat down and began reading a story about kitties to my toddler. Immediately and out of nowhere I hear yelling, “What about titties?!”— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) July 18, 2019
Siiiiiiigh. We truly hear what we want to hear, you know? Her husband probably couldn't hear her asking him a question from three feet away, but say something that sounds like a dirty word on the other side of the house? Husband=activated.