How are we doing this week, friends? Some parts of the country weren't slammed by brutal cold and rain and snow, so that's a plus! You know what sucks, though? St. Patrick's Day falling on a Sunday, and still having to buy green outfits and food and make a stupid Leprechaun trap for school parties on Friday or Monday.
Can we just agree that if a holiday falls on a non-school day, we just don't celebrate that holiday in school? Why do we celebrate St. Paddy's Day in school, anyway?! Unless you live in Ireland, it seems pointless. Kids can't even drink green beer and most don't like corned beef and cabbage. To all the parents spending their last weekend day building a leprechaun trap for school tomorrow, we salute you.
These funny parenting tweets are for you!
If you’ve never faked an urgent reason to go to the grocery store for some peace and quiet, you’re a better parent than me.— Just J (@junejuly12) March 10, 2019
Sometimes, it's the only respite we have. So hide the milk, throw the rest of the eggs in the trash, and declare that there is a food emergency that needs to be handled. Then wander the aisles of Target with a latte and ignore the texts coming in hot.
HER: Dad, I have a question.— The Dad (@thedad) March 10, 2019
ME: Did you google it?
HER: Google didn’t know.
ME: Sweetie, if the entire internet didn’t know, I can promise you I don’t.
It's always nice when your kids learn to google. It's nicer when they learn to understand the difference between a reputable source and a YouTube video made by some guy living in his mom's basement. Google knows all, so if your kid didn't find the answer, they asked the question wrong.
Today my 4 year old was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. Then she slept for 86 seconds in the car and will now be up forever.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 14, 2019
Car naps are a blessing and a curse. No kid can resist the lull of the car when they're bone tired. But why do they always falls asleep RIGHT as you're turning down your own street? You've been driving for hours - they had so many chances.
If you don’t kick your kid’s toy across the room after your trip on it, are you even a parent?— 𝔻𝕒𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕕&𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕗𝕦𝕤𝕖𝕕 (@ihoplollipop) March 11, 2019
One time, we tripped on a ball and got so mad we kicked the ball into the next room, where it hit the ceiling light fixture and shattered it. In the process of kicking the ball, we broke our toe. Get rid of all the toys, it's the only way.
my son asked me to make “something culinary for dinner...like, not from a box” and we’re now 5000% done with Food Network in this house— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 13, 2019
When your kids get all fancy and start asking for "homemade" food, it's time to get them away from Food Network. If boxed food is good enough for Sandra Lee, it's good enough for us.
Toddler: [Eating an orange]— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) March 12, 2019
Me: Can I have some?
Toddler: No! Is spicy!
She's on to me.
Sometimes this is the only way we can keep those little scavengers from eating the good snacks. So when they catch on, or actually like spicy food, it's over.