Hooooo boy. Is it time to go back to school yet? What's that? School hasn't even ended yet?! What in the actual world are we going to do this summer, friends? Full disclosure, our kids have been out of school for a week, and they've already eaten all the food, turned the playroom upside down, fought for approximately 18274749 hours, and have stopped wearing clothes. It's been ONE WEEK. This is going to be a very long summer. But we're excited! Excited to actually get out and do stuff, excited for the time to relax and just have fun. Less excited than we were before school got out, sure, but the excitement is still there a bit! While we try to figure out how to keep our house from going full Lord of the Flies in the coming weeks, let's laugh at these funny parenting tweets.
The worst thing about being a parent is pretending I don't think homework is a scam— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) May 29, 2019
One thing we won't miss over the summer? Homework. We know we're supposed to set the example and encourage and motivate our kids to do their assigned work, blah blah blah. But it's stupid. Homework is stupid. Crossing out fingers for a no homework teacher next year.
The problem with buying Pizza Rolls and Bagel Bites for your kids is getting drunk and eating them before your kids ever have a chance to.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 30, 2019
We don't have the self-control required to not eat the crappy snacks we buy for our kids. We try, we really do! But we'd be lying if we said we haven't fallen asleep on the couch with our hand in the goldfish cracker box ... more than one time.
I told my kids they could go to the pool this afternoon... They got on their swimsuits at 8am— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) May 26, 2019
Never, ever tell your kids they get to do something until RIGHT before they do it. Kids have a loose grasp on the concept of time, and also they do not care that it's going to be several hours. Make everything a surprise.
We didn’t post pictures of our kid’s first vs. last day of school and our community is very concerned.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 29, 2019
If you didn't do a first day/last day picture of your kid on the last day of school, did they even finish school? Does that school year count? Are you sure they actually made it home and aren't still sitting in their classroom, waiting to be dismissed and photographed?
Kids like to annoyingly say mom to make you yell "WHAT!?!" and lovingly respond with "I love you" to make you feel like an asshole.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 29, 2019
Kids know all of your buttons, and they will push them mercilessly in an effort to get you to the very point of breaking. And that is when they turn on the charm. They're evil little geniuses.
My 4-year-old calls our microwave "the pizza heater," and there's nothing to correct because she's right.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2019
There are probably kids who don't even know that you can bake a pizza in the oven. The microwave is the magic box that makes the food, and what a magical box it is.