We're going to be honest, we barely know what month it is, let alone the day and date. Whyyyyyyy do schools insist on packing SO MANY ACTIVITIES into the last days and weeks of school?! We know the learning is more or less done with for the year. Just let them watch movies and give them popcorn and candy all day, we DGAF anymore. But no. Instead there's a field trip every week, field day, parties that we need to donate goods or time for, ceremonies and luncheons and pot lucks. Once more for the people in the back: WE ARE DONE. So we're just going to ignore the group chat about teacher gifts and end of year parties, and laugh at these funny parenting tweets instead.
Me: I’ve been tired for 10 years.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 16, 2019
Kid: Hey, that’s how old I am!
Hmmmm. What a coincidence! Weird how exhaustion set into our bones right around the time we became parents. Wonder what it could be...
Having kids a few years apart means you sing “The Wheels On The Bus” for the babies but then add a few lines about The Hulk smashing everything all through the town for the four-year-old.— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) May 15, 2019
And then when they hit 6-8 years old, you find yourself adding in a few "butts" and "farts" to get some laughs. Go ahead and add songwriter to your resume, you've earned it.
is it wrong to change your baby's birthday? it's gonna rain tomorrow :( he won't even know right— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 15, 2019
For the first four years of your child's life, their birthday is whatever day works best for your schedule. They do not care. You're moving it around by a few days, not shaving off years, it's fine.
Me: here’s your toast sweetie— MumInBits (@MumInBits) May 13, 2019
7: did you toast it for 28 seconds?
7: why has it got black bits?
Me: if you were a dinosaur which one would you be?
7: oh mummy good question! *talks about dinosaurs for 25 minutes while eating burnt toast*
This is an excellent parenting strategy. Kids are a lot like that dog from Up - hyper-focused on something until they see a squirrel, and then you can make a quick getaway.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps” is great advice if you can drive with your eyes closed— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) May 14, 2019
This is the worst parenting advice ever. But sure, strap your car seat into an Uber, hop in the back, and you can both get some shut eye.
My toddler explaining literally anything pic.twitter.com/H1rOnLUUOr— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 14, 2019
We have no idea what our toddlers are even saying 99% of the time. But watching them try to explain one of the hair-brained ideas is pretty entertaining. This also applies to tweens trying to explain a video game or teens trying to explain Snapchat.
3: can we go to the farm for lunch?— Celeste Yvonne (@andwhatamom) May 12, 2019
3: daddy takes us to the farm...
Me:um, do you mean McDonalds?
Listen. Anything can be fancy and healthy if you frame it right. Those aren't chicken nuggets - they're miniature crusted filet. French fries? Nope. Those are pommes frittes, duh. It's all about perspective.