The end of a week can feel like cause for celebration when you're a parent. Congratulations! You made it another seven days as a parent, and everyone is relatively alive and more or less happy! We really embrace the lowest baseline for success. You take what you get and you don't throw a fit, right? Some days are hard, other days are harder, but every single day feels like a win once those darling little monsters are in bed. Then you get to wake up and do it all over again the next day.
Take the weekend to recuperate, and recharge your soul with the funniest parenting tweets from last week. Laugh so you don't cry!
*looks at 4 children*— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 20, 2019
“You leave me no choice.”
*eats last 3 cookies*
Honestly, it's just the decent thing to do! You can't split one between two kids, and you can't not give a kid a cookie. So level the playing field and just eat them all, the kids will thank you later.
9y.o: “Can we watch this movie again?”— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 17, 2019
Me: “No- you’ve watched it like every single day!”
9: “Yeah, but you drink coffee every single day & it brings YOU joy, so...”
There is really no witty retort here. Because that kid is speaking some uncomfortable truths and we just have to accept that and put the movie in. Touché, you darling little jerk. Touché.
Good morning, parents. By the time you finish reading this, your child will have developed a weird new food hang-up. Have a nice day.— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 18, 2019
It never fails: your kid finally has a favorite food that isn't a cracker or chip or cookie, so you go out and buy a month's supply of that food and vow to feed it to them at every meal until you run around. AS SOON AS YOU DO THIS, your kid will hate that food. Mark our words. We have no idea how a kid could dislike cheese, but somehow our kids manage to surprise us in new and annoying ways every single day.
It’s too bad Oscar nominations have already been announced because my son gave quite the “I’m sick I can’t go to school” performance of his life this morning.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 19, 2019
Those best actors and actresses have nothing on a kid who is bound and determined to not go to school. Kids pretending to be sick give actual sick kids a real run for their money in terms of drama and overreacting. At some point you just have to applaud their performance and let them stay home, they definitely earned it.
Today my husband and I mourn for the days before we had children. Vacations, late night drinking, even hangovers. It's been 4 years. May we never forget.— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) February 18, 2019
Oh, and happy birthday to my 4yo daughter. Whateves.
Birthdays are for celebrating ... and pouring one out for the good ol' days. We love you kiddo, happy birthday! Thanks for completely changing/ruining the good life we had going! Now make a wish!
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing parents that if their kids were super active during the day they would get really tired and go to bed earlier than normal.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) February 17, 2019
This is the worst. Get them tired during the day and they'll go to sleep without a problem and sleep well at night! WHOSE KIDS DO THIS?! No one, that's whose. All this does is exhaust mom and dad and somehow give the kids superhuman energy.
Welcome to parenthood. Everyone’s hungry, just not for that.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 19, 2019
A kid could be starving and dehydrated on a desert island, be offered a sandwich without the crusts cut off and a glass of non-chocolate milk, and they would refuse it and then complain about being starving and dehydrated.