Something funny happens to our kids around this time of year. We're not sure if it's the readjustment coming off of spring break, or that it's finally nice enough to play outside so they want to live like ferals and not follow the rules anymore. Maybe it's that they can practically taste summer and freedom. But lordy, they have been one one lately! Have you noticed it with your own kids? We're not going to lie, we're excited for spring and the school year winding down, too. But we still conduct ourselves like rational human beings.
While we ponder if our kids have finally gone off the deep-end, here's some funny parenting tweets to laugh at so we don't cry.
"Can we have a seat where the baby has full view of the ceiling fan"— Not another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) April 4, 2019
And other strange requests I make now
Listen, you do what you have to do to leave the house once you have a baby. If you want to sit down at a restaurant and enjoy a meal from start to finish, sometimes you need some help. And sometimes that help comes in the form of a constantly whirling fan for them to stare at.
It's a "flipping the kids off behind their backs" sort of day.— Heather is a hot mess (@h0tmessmama) April 4, 2019
If you're going to do this (and it's fine, no judgement here!), make sure you don't do it in full view of any of your other children. That will open a can of worms that you will never fully close again. Not that we would know anything about that or whatever.
One minute I’m the cool dad on vacation letting my kids get refills at breakfast, the next minute I’m trying not to flip a table when I see $28 worth of orange juice on the bill.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 4, 2019
Order your kid a water and they will take half a sip throughout the entire meal. Order your kid a non-refillable drink and they will pour it into their maws over and over again. It's science.
Fun fact: Between the ages of 4 to 14, the average child will waste $7,865 in restaurant food by filling up on bread when mom specifically said not to— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 4, 2019
Speaking of taking your kids out to eat, free bread or chips and salsa or whatever is the devil. When you seat a family with children, ALWAYS SECRETLY ASK THE PARENTS IF THEY WANT BREAD. Placing a bread basket on a table in front of "carbivores" is just begging for a wasted meal.
I accidentally threw away my 4-year-old’s favorite candy wrapper. Please keep us both in your thoughts during this difficult time.— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) April 1, 2019
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. But they have clearly never met a small child. Because a small child's trash is also their treasure and god forbid you try to actually throw the accumulated garbage away.
[Stranded on a deserted island with my kids]— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 3, 2019
Day 1: We’ve got enough snacks to last us at least 2 years.
Day 2: We’ve run out of snacks.
Our tombstones will read, "Here lies Mom, she died after being asked for a snack 2 minutes after giving her kids a snack".
Parenting through the years:— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 1, 2019
1st kid: Organic food only
2nd kid: “McDonald’s once in a while isn’t so bad.”
3rd kid: “Did he just eat dog food? I’m sure he’s fine.”
First-borns really have no idea how good they had it. Brand new everything, organic, homemade food, mom and dad's full attention at all times. Subsequent kids may not get all the good stuff, but they are hearty AF.