The learning processes a child goes through from birth, to toddlerhood, adolescence, all the way to adulthood is called development. Skills are learned and then combined to develop more complex tasks such as walking, talking and playing.
Parents might have certain skills in mind that they want to develop in their children. When they give their children opportunities to learn, executive function and self-regulation skills start developing. Those skills are crucial for all future learning and development that will take place.
Typical Parenting Skills
Parenting skills are a parent's competencies in providing physical care to their child. Most often those consist of things like:
- Love and affection: Unconditional love, support, and acceptance. Spending one-on-one time with a child.
- Stress Management: Parents controlling their own and helping a child with theirs.
- Communication skills: Developing and maintaining healthy relationships.
- Independence: Believing in a child's abilities when they need to do things alone.
- Education: Providing enrichment activities and displaying positive reinforcement of education.
- Health: Having a healthy lifestyle and in turn passing that on to a child; making healthy choices.
While these are all very important, there is something a little deeper, that in a way makes all these things possible. Jumping over it, or just expecting it to happen is a disservice to children.
According to Harvard's National Scientific Council On The Developing Child, most of the frustration parents feel when it comes to their children doing things is due to a lack of understanding and fostering their executive functioning right from the start.
What Is Executive Function?
Executive function, in short, is the mental process that enables someone to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully, according to Harvard University.
There are eight core executive functions.
Self-control
Also known as impulse control. This is the ability to do things like, think about the consequences of their actions and behaviors prior to making the choice to do it. It also involves resisting temptation and thinking before speaking.
Examples of this are:
- Allowing others to share opinions, taking turns during a conversation
- Sharing favorite or preferred items
- Agreeing to healthy limits on things like screen time, food, spending
- Completing tasks even when they don't like doing it
- Resisting peer pressure to engage in dangerous or unhealthy behaviors.
- Not talking back in school or negotiating their way out of something
Emotional-Control
The ability to manage emotions in a healthy way and control emotions in order to achieve a goal or complete a task. Staying calm even when anxious, and bouncing back quickly from setbacks. While these feelings are normal and shouldn't be ignored, there are healthy ways to control them that will benefit oneself and those surrounding them. Emotional control, then, is all about how someone responds to and controls their feelings.
Working Memory
Following instructions, paying attention, and using relevant information while in the middle of an activity. Examples would be keeping someone's address in your mind as you are being given directions to get there, doing mental math, or remembering a sequence of steps to complete a task.
Organization
Keeping things in order, putting things in order, keeping track of belongings.
Flexible Thinking
- Being able to think about different ways to solve problems
- Able to adjust to new situations
- Learning from your mistakes
- Being able to cope with routine changes
- Trying new things
- Being able to successfully switch from one task to another
- Willing and able to learn new things
Task Completion
Having the stamina and willingness to start and complete a task; having the ability to direct others on how to complete a task
Planning/Prioritizing
Being able to make short- and long-term goals regarding day-to-day occurrences as well as month-to-month or longer, etc. Make sure that you take care of things you are responsible for.
Self-Awareness
Being aware of yourself and your feelings and emotions from moment to moment and being able to respond and adjust accordingly if needed.
The Importance Of Focusing On Executive Functioning
Executive function is like the CEO of the brain. It helps everything take place smoothly. Being able to set goals, plan, and get things done. When children or even adults struggle with executive function, it can have a negative impact at home, in school, and in life.
Executive function is not taught. These skills usually start to develop quickly in early childhood with the guidance of parents and other caring adult figures. It doesn't end there, though. These skills continue to develop into the mid-20s. The issue surrounding today's youth is that they are often treated like miniature adults. Fostering executive function gets pushed aside when children are able to do things for themselves. It's often thought that "they'll figure it out."
According to Harvard, some children lag behind their peers when these skills are made less of a priority. This can lead to social, emotional, and behavioral problems in school.
When There Might Be A Problem
Children with special needs like autism or ADHD may struggle more with their executive functioning skills. In the same breath, people who simply have problems with their executive functioning skills may be thought to have ADHD or autism, says Harvard. That is because they look similar.
- Have trouble starting and/or completing tasks
- Have difficulty prioritizing tasks
- Comprehension
- Have trouble following directions
- Panic when routines change
- Have trouble switching focus from one task to another
- Get overly fixated on things
- Have trouble organizing their thoughts
- Have trouble managing their time
Please know, poor executive functioning skills is not a diagnosis. It doesn't mean the parents did anything wrong. One of the best things parents can do is discuss their concerns with a medical professional. Another thing parents can do is continue to work with their children on developing skills.
Sources: Harvard University InBrief: Executive Function, Harvard's National Scientific Council On The Developing Child, Harvard University Executive Function & Self-Regulation