There are a few different types of parenting. Nowhere is it written which is right and which is wrong. Two of these types are, over-parenting, also fondly referred to as helicopter parenting; and supportive parenting, also known as authoritative parenting.
These two parenting styles can sometimes overlap as many do, but the difference is that these are actually mistaken for each other, often. Again, neither of these parenting styles is known as, "The correct way of parenting." Each parent can raise their child as they see fit. Knowing the difference between them, though, may change how you see your parenting style.
What Is Over-Parenting
Over-parenting or helicopter parenting refers to a parent who is a bit of a control freak when it comes to their child's life. Helicopter parents are really involved, and often overprotective. They try to oversee everything their child is involved in, sometimes even acting on behalf of their child.
This is not because they don't trust their child; they want to protect them from harm. Physical pain, emotional pain, and not letting them get in trouble are all things parents, who over-parent, try to keep their child from. This comes from a good place but can take its toll as well.
The Journal of Marriage and Family says, although helicopter parents have earned quite a negative reputation in the mainstream media, researchers have not found consistently negative impacts on children. Some studies actually found that this parenting style could produce favorable results in grown children due to the parents' intense support.
Why Do Parents Over-Parent
Mothers' brains are wired to protect their children even before their child is born. This seems like a natural response as a mother, but certain things may take it to a level that is considered obsessive.
Perhaps there was a traumatic birth. The child was born prematurely, or even very sick at birth, and/or another traumatic event took place involving the child. Maternal instincts kick into overdrive. Hypervigilance takes over.
The parent has already come very close to losing their child. They have seen things no parent should have to see. Over-parenting is often how they deal with the discomfort of the thought that that could easily happen again. Therefore, protecting them from any pain becomes a necessity.
Some parents, particularly those that had birth issues, feel guilty about disciplining their children and have a hard time enforcing consequences. According to Cambridge University, this ongoing hypervigilance and overindulgence may have serious after effects. Things like stunting a child's development of independence, as they are too dependent on the parent. Or, a child who grows up thinking they can do whatever they want without any recourse.
What Is Supportive Parenting
Supportive parenting is also known as the authoritative parenting style. This type of parenting involves love, acceptance, and setting healthy limits. Advanced Psychology describes supportive parenting as a parenting style where parents intentionally involve their kids in making decisions and performing actions, of course, in age-appropriate and safe ways.
Supportive parenting is a middle ground where children are supported without being overly protected or limited. Iit encourages self-awareness, active thinking, and decision-making within the appropriate limits set by the parents.
What Is The Difference Between The Two
There are many ways that supportive parenting and over-parenting look alike:
- The child is put first
- The child's best interest is kept in mind
- Parents are very involved
- Parents are always there for the child
How they differ, however, is that with supportive parenting:
- Parents let the child help in making decisions
- Age-appropriate limits are set
- Parents don't keep their children from experiencing failure
- Parents don't keep their children from experiencing pain
Which Is Better
Again, there is no clean-cut rule on how parents have to parent a child. Some children need a certain parenting style; it helps them succeed. Research from the National Library of Medicine does lean more towards the supportive parent, though. It states that authoritative parenting is ranked highly in a number of ways: Academic, social-emotional, and behavioral. Similar to authoritarian parents, authoritative parents expect a lot from their children — but they expect even more from their own behavior.
In the end, all children deserve unconditional love and acceptance.
Sources: The Journal of Marriage and Family, Cambridge University, Advanced Psychology, National Library of Medicine