Confession: I Can’t Stand My Kid’s BFF, But Let Me Explain

friends on the bus

Does it sound like I am being unreasonable? Let's get one thing clear; I do not hate my kid's BFF, I'm just concerned. I know and appreciate that children, as well as grown-ups, have different personalities and approaches to life, and that's fine.

When my daughter moved to her new school, which is really awesome; we all loved the fact that she enjoys school more, and she learns better thanks to the new creative and hands-on learning approach. However, along with the new school came her new BFF, who has been in my daughter's life since. Their friendship started out great, and I even like the fact that her mom and I get along just fine.

There is just something special about them hanging out together, although sometimes I can't help but start to worry. Drawing from my interactions with my daughter’s BFF, I know her to be loud and opinionated. She has no trouble speaking her mind and she usually comes across as being bossy and insensitive.

The first time I saw how aggressive she could be was at the school's parking lot when she talked back at her mother and said some things to her that I would not be comfortable hearing from my daughter. My daughter tells me that she feels embarrassed and dominated when her BFF acts the same way towards her, especially when she takes her toys without asking. When I raised the issue with her mom, we concluded that such were the normal problems of most friendships between kids.

Children friendship concept with happy girl kids in the park having fun sitting under tree shade playing together enjoying good memory and moment of student lifestyle with friends in school time day
Credit: iStock

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Another thing, my daughter's BFF can be mean sometimes. This takes me back to my daughter's eighth birthday a few weeks ago. Apparently, her new BFF claimed that she did not like my daughter anymore because she was not getting as much attention as my daughter was, yet it was my daughter's birthday party. What’s more, she did not want to continue playing with my daughter simply because she did not feel like doing so anymore. This really hurt my daughter because she loves nothing more than just playing with her BFF.

Furthermore, when this girl is upset, she crosses the line and becomes quite disrespectful. Of course, even adults express their emotions because it's healthy to do so, but no one has a right to disrespect someone else in the process. Although she's a kid, someone needs to teach her not to be disrespectful, deliberately hurtful, or condescending, because I honestly don't want this rubbing off on my daughter.

I am guilty of encouraging my daughter to make new friends at school as well as to invite new friends who do not necessarily go to her school to come over to the house to play, and she has done so with some success. However, her BFF keeps coming back, and the two always rekindle their friendship and the cycle begins all over again.

I hope her mother will address her instant recourse to bashing other kids when things don’t go her way. One day she got in trouble when she pushed another girl off a swing at the playground just because she wanted to go on the swing a second time yet other kids were waiting in line to get on it for their first time. That did not go so well with the parents of the other girl, because the fall resulted in a bruise on her knee.

There is the possibility that my daughter's BFF could be acting the way she is because of something she went through or is currently going through at home or school, but I am not in a position to judge. Some professionals claim that such behavior is a cry for help, but I would not be in a position to help or even ask her mom to get help, because I just don't know how she would react to such advice.

I love my daughter, and I care about her BFF, but I am so afraid that my kid will turn into her at some point. You know that saying, "show me your friends and I'll show you who you are", I just don’t want it to apply in my daughter's life. Of course, there could be the slightest chance that I could be overreacting or that I'm looking at this friendship from a negative perspective. But, I really love my daughter, I have worked hard to raise her the best way that I can, and she now has a BFF who is the complete opposite of how I want her to turn out.

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