We've all heard about the mental load moms tend to carry when it comes to parenting. On top of that, there's the actual parenting load itself (making bottles, packing lunches, shopping for clothes, doing their laundry, you know, the day-to-day stuff) that couples have to navigate together and do their best to divvy up the responsibilities in ways that will leave each one of them happy.
Actress Busy Phillipps did not have that division of responsibilities with her husband, Marc Silverstein for a long time. In fact, it got to be so bad that the star considered divorce because why have one extra person to clean up after if he's not helping to pull the weight?
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Thank you @harpersbazaarus and @everodsky for the frank discussion about equitable partnerships and dividing domestic labor- the link to the article is in my stories if you would like to read it!!ALSO! GET EVE'S BOOK FAIR PLAY WHICH IS OUT NOW! And also thank you to Harper's for this amazing picture which is a fairly great encapsulation of so many things and probably should be framed in my house.🤣❤️🎀😳 Photographer: @thomaswhiteside Fashion Editor: @cassieanderson212 Hair: @kikihaircutter Makeup: @kmannmakeup Nails: @lisajachno
When it came down to making a decision to leave her husband or stay, Busy admits she struggled a bit - partially because of the gravity of the decision and partially because her married friends judged her. According to her, married women seem to have an unspoken agreement to just be miserable together all of the time, and her pondering whether or not she should stay in her marriage left them bitter. However, she told herself, "I am not certain that I will ever be happy, but I know for certain I do not have to feel miserable all the time" and focused on what would make her less miserable, rather than bring complete happiness.
When she approached her husband about wanting a divorce, Busy says he resisted - hard. She told Harpers Bazaar, "Marc was like, ‘I’ll do anything.’ And I was like, ‘Okay, then do everything. Because I have done it all, all by myself, and I’m done, dude.’"
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#nationaldaughterday please swipe to see how many pictures it took to get this one❤️ To have daughters is the greatest joy of my life, even on days when I'm sure I'm failing them. The good news for all of us, I guess, is that I'm not a person who gives up easily-like for instance with getting this picture😂.❤️❤️❤️
Much to her surprise, Marc agreed to her terms. Suddenly, he was helping with morning and bedtime routine, started preparing weekday and weekend meals, and together they completely rewrote their parenting system.
According to Marc, he never consciously meant to leave it all up to his wife. He told Harpers Bazaar that he likes "being good at stuff" and he wasn't confident in his abilities in the home, so he just "stayed away". He went on to say, "I realized that deep happiness comes from my family, and once I figured out what I could bring to the table, things changed. I wanted to do more."
Now, the couple is not just less miserable, they are actually happy. Busy no longer wants a divorce from Marc, and Marc loves building stronger relationships with both of his girls. These two were able to come back from destruction through compromise, communication, therapy, and a passion for making it all work - they're proof that it doesn't matter how privileged you are, we all have the same problems when it comes to parenting.