Stress is a very normal part of life for all of us — even our children. While the general consensus is that stress can motivate us and push us to develop resiliency and other positive attributes, experts warn that there's a limit to how far those benefits can go. When stress becomes overwhelming, it can negatively impact a child's mental health. In fact, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration notes that stress can quickly cause trauma in children, and the effects of such overwhelming stress can have long-term effects.
As parents, we can help our children avoid trauma caused by this overwhelming stress — we just need to know what we're looking for and how to help our children cope.
Know What Stress Looks Like In Kids
Much like adults, children experience stress over a variety of daily events. Unfortunately, though, stress can quickly overwhelm children without anyone even realizing it because stress can look very different on children than it does on adults.
For this reason, the American Psychological Association created a guide to help parents and other caregivers recognize signs of overwhelming stress in children so they can intervene before it morphs into a traumatic event.
First and foremost, parents need to look for changes in behavior that seem out of the ordinary for their kids. Since children often lack the words and awareness to verbalize what they're feeling, they may display it by withdrawing, crying or whining more than usual, clinging to one parent, sleeping more or less than normal, or acting aggressive.
Sometimes, though, stress manifests in a more physical way with children. Children may complain of frequent headaches, stomach aches, or changes in appetite. Parents should carefully note the frequency of physical health complaints or trips to the school nurse. Although you should always seek a physician's advice first when dealing with any physical symptoms, a clean bill of health from your child's doctor may mean that these physical symptoms are actually a sign of stress.
Finally, children sometimes try to hide their inner turmoil from parents, so you should also keep an eye out for unusual behaviors at school or with your child's social circle. For this reason, it's important to keep an eye on school work, stay in regular contact with your child's teacher, and talk to the parents of your child's friends. They may be seeing a different side to your child that indicates extreme distress.
Use "Stress Busters" To Calm Kids
During an interview with The New York Times, pediatrician Dr. Nadine Burke Harris explained that giving children the tools they need to combat stress is just as important as limiting their exposure to harmful stress.
In the most basic sense, parents should make sure their children are getting enough sleep and adequate nutrition since our bodies and brains work best when our physical needs are met. Parents should also make sure that kids are getting in at least some physical activity each day and that they're hydrating with plenty of water. All of these things can help kids keep their stress levels under control.
However, we will all encounter stressful situations even when we properly care for our bodies. For this reason, parents should also give children some healthy coping skills that can help serve as buffers for stressful moments. Things like breathing exercises, meditation, and distractions like coloring can help kids cope with stress — parents just need to model these skills and lead children in them until they become habit.
Provide Comfort and Safety
According to The Child Mind Institute, support and reassurance can really help a child deal with the complex emotions that come with stressful events. In many cases, children benefit the most when they feel safe and secure at home.
Parents can comfort their children by providing extra love and physical touch during stressful times. This means more hugs, more quality time with cuddles, and more reassuring back rubs or pats on the arm. Furthermore, a consistent daily and weekly routine can help children feel safe and comforted too. While you don't have to plan each day down to the minute, doing things in the same order and around the same time each day will really help reduce stress.
While none of us can avoid stress entirely, we don't have to put our children through overwhelming stress that causes trauma. Look for the signs of stress, give your children the coping skills they need to overcome it. Together, we can help our kids feel better.
Sources: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, American Psychological Association, The New York Times, The Child Mind Institute