Consider these next photos the splash of cold water needed before an all-consuming love for nieces, nephews and all other young children just totally takes over. Ever seen when someone is rambling and spiraling about wanting a baby so bad and a friend just lightly taps them? Is that only in movies? Well this is that - before becoming convinced that going from indoor plant to kid is a good idea… just take a deep breath. Okay, exhale. Now another. Still with us? Okay, good job then.
Just do something that will distract those obsessive baby feelings. Such as, petting a puppy or eating a burrito. As long as there's no focus on babies.
And if those feelings can't be distracted, well then, here's a list of 25 photos that will definitely cure that baby fever.
25 The Mess Of It All
If spaghetti sauce face isn’t enough to deter you, what about eating Greek yogurt with your hands? No one can do that well. Either they lap it up with their tongue because they’re an animal or they’re squishing their hands in it and it’s in no way cute. Plus, look at that grumpy face - not only is a clean up required, there’s a tantrum on the horizon. Remember all the scrubbing that taking care of a baby involves? It’s not cute. No, it’s not cute even if you’re cleaning little fingers.
Okay, we’ve got more evidence to show you.
24 Remember How Dolls Are Weird?
This is a toy of a child that’s also meant for a child; let's unpack that. People have a lot of issues with dolls but not enough folks bring the very premise into question. You wouldn't give a dog a plush dog to play with; it’s just weird that kids play with babies. Anyway, this is objectively transfixing, so take it in.
Is your pulse back to normal yet? Well, there’s a lot more where this one came from.
23 Maybe Everything Is A Little Off
Wow, a doll truly doesn’t even have to be of a baby to be distressing to look at. It can also be of some ecstatic toddler in a little outfit. This doll was either based off some actual child or just a creation of the artist’s imagination and I don’t know which possibility is more unsettling. There’s either a person wandering around who has these same pit-like eyes or this was just a very muddled up doll maker. No, there's for sure a ton of muddled up doll makers.
22 But Real Kids Are A Little Odd, Too
I know what you’re saying- the not-so-nice part of this is totally detachable from the child. It’s just a weird pair of glasses. First off, who cares? The kid is wearing these glasses now and it’s bizarre. Plus, don’t assume the kid is cute with these glasses off. What if their real eyes look exactly like this underneath the goggles? It’s a long shot but you can’t prove I’m wrong.
21 Wow, No Thanks
Tell me babies are cute, look at this picture and then tell me that. I dare you. You can’t do that because this picture shakes your belief in everything. It’s not just the distressing transition between mask mouth and the actual tongue. It’s everything about a baby’s over-exaggerated features. Are babies really all that cute if it’s so easy to exploit their image into the most distressing things? I just feel like if they were truly that adorable, it’d be more difficult.
20 Babies Grow Up And Get Weird
Look at this- first of all, proof that it’s weird to see a child holding a fake baby. Haven’t we invented enough toys that we can leave dolls at the wayside? Once we made robot dogs, the need for fake human babies was totally eliminated. I don’t expect this to be a popular opinion but in thirty years, you’ll realize I was right. Anyway, babies just grow up to be children who are capable of speaking and saying bizarre things.
Don’t do it.
19 No One Likes An Angry Baby
Aww, don’t you just want to squeeze and love on a giggling, cooing little baby? Okay, well what about that baby who just always seems to be in a foul mood? And you can only imagine they’ll grow into a really mean adult. Do you want to be constantly surrounded by that angry baby? No one does. Their moods are as illogical as any person’s except even stronger.
Ask yourself, do you want to be anchored to an unreasonable despot? Of course you don’t.
18 Babies Have Always Been Strange
Is this the bust of some Roman emperor who was also only a few months old when they were passed the crown? Or an emperor who always looked like a wicked baby who profited off the misfortunes of others? This bust is just evidence that babies have been disturbing throughout history.
I’m sure whoever’s mom saw this had some buyer’s remorse - not for the bust but about her specific baby. It’s mean but it’s true and you know it.
17 When Babies Hang Out With Skeletons
Why would you want this in your life? You don’t! Just like you don’t get skeleton fever and become overcome with the desire to have a skeleton, you shouldn’t have baby fever. They’re equally distressing and skeletons aren’t even totally dependent on you. Actually, I can’t back that up since I’ve never had a skeleton. But that’s for a reason. Babies are the company they keep, like all of us, and they hang out with skeletons. Who we all actively avoid touching.
16 Whatever Turtle Oddity This Is
The only reason I’m not totally sure that this is a turtle baby (not to be confused with a baby turtle for even half a heart beat) is that this shell almost looks like a weird English muffin. It’s like a mixture of a baby, a Brachiosaurus and some Pillsbury confection. Which should be great because those are three pretty awesome things on their own… together, no. No, thank you. Please, no, don’t do this.
Your baby may not have a shell but don’t avoid this realization- you don’t want a baby.
15 Ginger Gone Wrong
Oh, you have a thing for red-heads and more than anything just want a little red-haired baby? Get real. Besides the amount of money you’ll spend on SPF 200 sun screen and a lifetime supply of wide-brimmed hats, give this picture a peek. Sure, it’s just make-up that washes out but this sight and the distress it evokes can never be washed away. You don’t want this for your life.
It’s not too late - run far, far away.
14 Why Are Portrayals Of Babies So Odd?
This isn’t going to be constructive criticism so I’ll preface it by saying that I can’t draw either. Whoever dreamed up this aberration has better lines than me but otherwise, they clearly can’t draw either.
Look at that grin - you’re not safe around this thing and there’s no way you’d sleep in a room with this picture facing you.
13 Never Befriend A Doll Collector
Look at all these goblins, lurking in the shadows with their eternal grins. They’re just waiting to surround you and demand a level of love that will totally suck you dry. They’ll bombard you with how needy they are. Don’t give in - totally avoid this. This is the scene where the audience is screaming not even to go inside the house because nothing good can be there.
Baby fever is like that- don’t go in the house. Nothing is inside except this room.
12 When Life Imitates Art
Oh, you thought you were into the idea of a baby’s two outstretched arms, searching for safety and comfort with you? Well what about these little arms? Can you truthfully say that if these arms reached out for you, you wouldn’t run away? You wouldn’t wave them away like a gross bug? Well I don’t believe you. And I don’t think you’d drink from this cup even if it was the last one in the entire world.
11 Even Adults Know The Truth
What avenue of dressing up did this grown woman decide to take in order to be distressing? She dressed up as a young child because that’s eerie. Just consider that- the scariest thing an adult could imagine transforming themselves into was just a little kid. Because little kids and babies are bizarre and your baby fever is getting cured. Feel your temperature coming down? The shivers are leaving? Yup, we’re getting through this and don’t you dare look back - there’s probably a scaly baby with hands coming out of its head right behind you.
10 No One Wants This In Their Home
If you found this in your home, there’s no way you’d dedicate a whole bedroom to it and paint it in delicate colors with little pictures of giraffes and sailboats. Those sailboats would sail straight away from this monster and those giraffes would gallop straight out of your house. This is the kind of sight that causes you to call an exterminator who turns out to be a ghost. This vision is the beginning of the end for any likable couple who just wanted to start fresh in a new town.
9 Every Child Might Have A Secret
Some cultures are afraid that photographs capture a piece of their soul and honestly, this picture is the most convincing argument for a photograph seeing things the human eye can’t. There wasn’t a spirit inside that little kid until this camera found it and there’s no way to unsee that. Do you really want those little eyes flashing at you in the night? No, you’ll drop your glass of water on the ground and end up hurting yourself.
Because this is some seriously spooky stuff.
8 Peculiar Since The Beginning
This baby doesn’t get the excuse that it’s disturbing because it’s taken in olden times- plenty of people don’t look this disturbing in old-school photographs from a century ago. Actually, I’d say this baby should have more cuteness going for it because it’s wearing a super fancy little baby dress. It’s frilly and white- isn’t that usually the stuff that makes your heart melt? Do a temperature check on your heart- it’s totally chilled to the core. That’s the correct reaction.
7 A Face A Mother Would Really Have To Work At Loving
She doesn’t care at all about how you feel and is a-okay with laying waste to many more things you love. Push away those fleeting feelings of baby fever and go enjoy your freedom instead. And if you really need to spend all your time on something that doesn’t care how you feel, get a pet instead. Or really steer clear of trouble and get a cactus… practice your maternal instincts on a fake cactus and in the meantime, focus on yourself.
6 The Real Babies Get Weird, Too
Oh, what’s that? Only the vintage drawings of babies done by untalented pseudo-artists are bizarre? It takes manipulating a baby’s body in a totally unnatural way to resemble something vaguely amphibious for a baby to be weird? Well scope this out...and weep. Real baby just living its life and its parent posted this.
5 Another Real(ly) Off Baby
Another baby living its life that also happens to be the stuff of nightmares. No more of these uncanny valley drawings and freakish combinations of body limbs. It’s not necessary - it’s like sprinkles on a cupcake. Unpopular opinion, sorry, but the icing and the cake does all the work. That’s what this baby’s face is like. It does enough work on its own that it truly doesn’t require the garnish of some hair-raising effect or some sepia tone to make it spooky.
4 Dolls: No, Thanks
You think you want a baby now but can you honestly say that if your child wanted this, you could look down at their little, vacant face and not consider changing the locks? Not even in the back of your mind toying with the idea that your home needs an extra layer of safety? Some babies grow up to be distressing toddler clowns and that’s a tale as old as time.
Don’t do this to yourself or you won’t be sleeping easy at night for so many reasons.
3 Remember How Disturbing Innocence Is?
It’s not just that adults have twisted minds and have turned the most pure thing in the world into the scariest. Something about the lack of expression on a baby’s face and the total innocence and lack of knowledge is just unnerving. Really look at that mask and imagine if during some weird out of body fit, you visualized your little baby as this. That’s not the kind of thing you want to see at night so just steer clear.
2 Maybe Babies Are The Ones Who Are Wrong
I know this isn’t an adult wearing a baby costume but something about it feels like a weird combo of both a middle-aged man and an infant. Well, it was an adult who made this bizarre statue (is that what it is?) and they definitely captured some feeling. This baby looks so rude, like they’ll eat all your food and then upchuck on your best friend. Which, let’s be honest, is what babies actually do. Remember this guy - it’s what lurks inside every baby.
1 No Mother Wants This
You don’t want a scaly baby! You don’t want a baby at all! This must qualify as some kind of exposure therapy and it has to be working because these pictures are genuinely life-altering. You don’t have baby fever, you just saw your best friend’s new kid for a few hours and assumed that’s all of their life is tasting ice cream and going to the park. It’s not. Sometimes it’s scaly, grey faces and running for your life from thoughts of paranormal activity.