In the 1940s and '50s, a woman had one major role: to take care of the household. The man would go to work everyday to pay the bills, while the woman would stay home to take care of the kids, housework, and make sure dinner was on the table. At the time, this was seen as normal; these were the roles men and women played. If a woman wanted to be anything other than a doting wife and loving mother, she'd probably be laughed at.
Nowadays in 2018, women can be anything they want. If they want to be a housewife, that's their choice, but they can also go to work and explore the world without a man. We could call it our 'glow up' moment.
Although we've come so far in the past 60+ years, there are still countless individuals who feel it's a woman's duty to have kids one day. Maybe not in their early 20's like in former times, but she should "try" in her 30's. In fact, some are so bold to say that she'll regret it if she doesn't have children. But what they don't realize is that asking a woman about her fertility at all is not only rude, it's none of their business.
Being a childless woman in her 30's is a peculiar situation because so many people think they're the first to ask her why she doesn't have kids. Or they think their question is easy enough — one that deserves an answer. But the thing that these immodest askers don't get is that it's invasive. They're not interested, they're simply curious. It's a personal decision that doesn't include you or your questions. That's why responding with,
"Just as soon as you learn to mind your own business" was the best reply a woman could give to a nosey person.
You could also give them a few tips in manners as well.
After being repeatedly asked when she was having kids, this woman became salty. She was done giving cute answers that the people wanted to hear. "Not for at least another nine months," is not only the sassiest reply, but it's honest! There's nothing the seekers can really do other than scratch their own head and double-think about asking someone that question again. It's not like a woman can just snap her fingers and have a baby — there are multiple things that go into having one that can take time! Or, you know, maybe she doesn't want kids at all.
It's her uterus, her choice.
Family functions are a great time to see relatives, but it's also a time that people are not looking forward to because of questions like "When are you going to have children?" Why such personal questions!? A childless woman isn't going to be asked once about her plans on motherhood, she's going to be asked time and time again. It's kind of like when you're in high school and people keep asking you at Thanksgiving what schools you're looking at.
So one of the best responses from TheCut (to any of those two questions, really) is: “I’ll have kids — if you pay for them.”
One woman mentioned how the only way to get out of those annoying questions is to make it as uncomfortable for the other person as it is for you. They're rude enough to ask invasive questions, so give it right back!
One woman mentioned that when someone asks her when she's planning to go the motherhood route, she says "You know, I think I'm ovulating right this second! Gotta run!" (and then she grabs her husband and darts out of the situation).
No one could hate on this response either, it's uncomfortable enough to hopefully make the other person feel dumb for asking.
The funniest thing about people asking women (and even men!) 'when they're having kids,' is that sometimes the person is in no way responsible enough for a child at all. Sometimes the woman isn't even seeing anyone special and they're asked when their having kids. One woman vented on Reddit saying, "My mom keeps asking me when she’s getting grandkids (she’s asking me, her single kid, and not her married son for a reason I don’t quite know...)." She continued saying,
"Finally I responded 'mom, if you want me to get knocked up so badly, I’ll do it, just for you.' She said '...no thank you...' and had never said anything about it again." #MicDrop
The frustrating thing about being a childless woman is sometimes the woman is trying to have a baby; it's just not as easy as she thought it was going to be. So when she has people asking her day-in and day-out when she's planning on having kids... it's an emotional question. This is why one Reddit woman told us her game plan for times like this: "If it's a stranger, I usually just tell them I can't have kids and then try to make them feel as bad as humanly possible for bringing up something so painful for me to talk about."
A response like that (true or untrue) is enough to make them never think of asking someone that agin.
So far on this list, we can tell that the more uncomfortable we can make a person, the more they'll learn not to ask again.
“I’m actually in therapy to figure out if I do want to be a mother. It’s painful, but I would love to invite you to the next session if it’s that important to you,"
is one woman's quick response. Whether her therapy sessions are real or not, it's no ones business when a woman is having a baby or why they're not having a baby. Having a child is no small act either! It's a huge deal that requires self-reflection, not wasted time answering naysayers.
Picture this: it's Thanksgiving night and the one person who keeps berating you with questions about motherhood doesn't have the cleanest backyard themselves. With this messy backdrop, they're hoping no one asks them about their life when they're too busy asking other people about theirs.
After hearing enough questions, one woman told Thought Catalog “I don’t know Aunt Helen, when are you going to keep a husband?” BOOM!
The funny thing about people is they love to be nosey when it comes to other people, not thinking that their own personal life may be brought up at the same time. If you don't want to talk about your personal life, why would they want to talk about theirs?
Everyone has had one situation in their life where they've been very adamant on their stance. They don't talk about it often, but if the time arrived, they'd know how they feel. Well, one woman told TheCut that the more people asked her when she was having kids, the more her answer became a firmer "no." Her favorite response was,
“I don’t want kids, and your questions are making me feel even more confident in that choice.”
Or, better yet, the more people asked her with age, she'd throw it in their face by saying “We can’t always have what we want...” Now that's how you make someone feel silly for asking!
Another great way to let a person know that their question was inappropriate is by playing dumb.
"We'd love to but we just don't know how, you know. Can you please tell us how?"
one woman told a Reddit thread. If a person keeps on insisting with their inappropriate questions then maybe the best thing to do is not entertain them at all. Ignore them or give them a bogus line and get the heck out of the situation. Sometimes rude people don't deserve a response. However, don't forget that you're probably going to be asked this time and time again, so practice rolling your eyes or practice walking away.
When you think about it, asking someone when they're having a baby is pretty much the same as asking about their bedroom life. Even when a couple says they're actively "trying" for a baby, people forget that they're asking something deeply personal; something that is special between two people. As long as they know what's going on, why do other people need to know?
Telling someone that you find their interest in your bedroom activities "disturbing" is a sure fire way of getting what you want. Not only are they going to be incredibly embarrassed, but you get to hold that over their heads whenever you see them (which hopefully isn't often).
Some people aren't "kid" people — and that's okay. Kids take up a lot of time, money, and energy, and sometimes people aren't willing to commit to any of that. Sometimes a dog is the better route than raising a kid, and there's no shame in that decision in the slightest.
Similarly, when one woman was asked when she was having kids, she responded with
“When you can legally kennel them and can buy a three-week supply of baby chow at the pet store for $35.”
Dogs are expensive, sure, but no where near the cost of an additional human.
The hardest part for women who are actually trying to conceive is when people ask when the babies are coming. The couple is trying and is having some bad luck, so being asked 'when the kids are coming' is just insensitive. One woman wanted to make someone feel bad for asking such a personal thing, so she said "It’s not that easy for some of us…” (and then to slowly walk away).
It seems like the best way to get a person off our backs is to make them feel bad for asking something so personal or to make them feel like a fool.
One woman's sassy response was “Not sure. I traded my biological clock in for an Apple Watch," which is quite clever if you ask me.
The most frustrating part about this scenario is that people who ask don't mean to be rude. They're typically friends or colleagues who genuinely care for you and just want to know what the future holds. They don't mean any harm. But raising a family is such a big step; it's something that isn't just decided overnight. It can be a lot to think about and mistakes can happen that alter how a couple grows. Some meaningless question to you, could actually mean everything to someone else.
"When I grow up" has to be one of the most nonchalant responses on this list. No one would dare confront your answer on this sensitive question when you simply say you're not 'adult' enough to raise another human being. And who could refute that? It's not their life. They're not in your shoes nor do they know your goals in life that don't include children. If they're brass enough to ask you when you're going to have kids, you can be sassy enough to say "when I grow up." (Which may also mean "never!" And that's okay!) I think it's also important to know that a woman doesn't need to answer such questions.
“Why bother? All the good baby names are taken. It’s not like I can top ‘Saint,'" is what one woman told Brit after being bombarded with the whole "baby" topic. Choosing a name is stressful enough when it comes to even thinking about kids. Where does a new parent start! Do you choose something typical like Jason or Rachel? Or do you get creative and use an old family name that hasn't been used in generations? (Looking at you True Thompson.) It's a good thing pregnancies take nine months because you need that long just to think of a name!
It's no secret that babies cost money. The formula, the diapers, the hospital bill, the equipment and accessories needed just to transport a baby... Sometimes it's hard enough to pay for a $10 movie ticket, let alone a living human. The price tag for a baby alone is actually enough to deter a woman from having kids; which is why this is a great response:
“When do you want them? I can start now if you’ll raise them and pay for their college.”
Flipping the roles and asking them the same question is a great way to make them overthink into oblivion.
"Why do you want to know?" has got to be the most epic and straightforward response on this list. Why does a person want to know — have you ever thought of that? The woman elaborated on Ask, saying "This is my standard answer for all nosy questions. I promise it works every time: the rude person doesn't have a good reason and will be shamed into silence." People only ask because they're curious. But sometimes being curious isn't enough to ask someone such a personal question. Maybe getting a response like this will make them think hard before asking someone else something similar.
I love that there are some women out there who like to hone in to their inner actor and play the part.
One woman said she'll "choke back a sob" and telling a heartbreaking story when asked when she's having kids.
While some women may be offended by this response, it's one way to guarantee that this person never asks this question again. You never know what someone is going through behind closed doors, so don't even ask — especially if you're not exceptionally close to them. If they're trying for a baby, you'll know when they bring it up.
One woman was so tired of talking about her own decision on not wanting kids, that she decided to turn the tables and ask "Why? Are you finally sick of talking about yours?" Sure, this probably ruffled a few feathers, but even moms who have kids should understand how annoying it is to ask someone when they're having kids.
I'm sorry to say, but if you're not in the relationship, then you don't really deserve the right to know. I know how exciting it can be to want happiness for dear ones, but they need to worry about their own womb, their own relationship, and don't ask about someone else's.