For one reason or another, there are couples out there in the world who are unable to have children and turn to surrogates in order to welcome new life to their family. It can be a long, arduous journey, not only for the parents-t0-be, but also for the surrogate mothers who graciously and selflessly give up nine months of their lives in order to make another human being’s dream come true.
Yaz of the blog Mrs.SurrogateLove is the perfect example of a woman who made the decision to give the gift of life to a waiting family. In some cases, it can take ages for intended parents to find the right surrogate mother, but for Yaz, the entire process didn’t take too long.
The following entries reveal the ups and downs of being a surrogate mother. As Yaz found out, it can be an incredibly life-changing event that brings much joy and happiness to people’s lives but this journey is also fraught with challenges that are not for the faint of heart. For example, dealing with uncontrollable hormones, getting used to the idea that the future baby will go home with the intended parents and dealing with people’s reactions or dismay about the decision to carry another family’s child.
25 The Wife Is On The Fence About Her Decision To Be A Surrogate
Yaz of Mrs. Surrogate Love writes that when she decided to take the plunge and become a surrogate mother, her wife wasn’t exactly thrilled about the decision.
The reason that her wife was a bit hesitant to come on board with the decision is due to the fact that she had already quit her job of 18+ years (ironically, it was the same company Yaz worked for) because she felt it wasn’t making her happy or satisfied. She turned around completely with her career and became a real estate agent, so Yaz’s decision came at a bit of a stressful time.
24 In February 2017, The Wife Warms Up To The Idea
Yaz’s wife Nikki finally warms up to the idea of surrogacy in February 2017 after having a very long heart-to-heart conversation about why she wants to go through this emotional journey.
They sit down and turn to the Internet in order to research the process together, which helps Nikki feel more comfortable with her wife’s mission to become a surrogate mother.
They specifically sit down to read blogs from other women who had become a surrogate mother and even though Nikki is still adjusting to her new job as a real estate agent, she gives Yaz her blessing to become a surrogate.
23 Revealing The News To Her Immediate Family At The End Of The Month
At the end of February 2017, Yaz makes the decision to slowly start telling her immediate family about her decision to become a surrogate mother. It helps that the agency has finally got back to her and she was about to make her dream a reality very soon.
As with all massive life changes, the relatives’ reactions ranged the gamut in emotions from being surprised to feeling disgruntled by the idea of cheering Yaz on in her journey to become a surrogate.
22 Dealing With Negativity Is A Rollercoaster Ride
After telling some members of her immediate family about her upcoming decision, Yaz feels a bit down due to the negativity that some folks directed towards her and her emotional journey as a surrogate mother-to-be.
Haters going to hate, as the saying goes!
It can be tough to let other people’s negativity not affect your own thoughts and feelings about the upcoming event, but Yaz learns to trust not her own emotions and intent with regards to becoming a surrogate.
21 The Screening Brings Up Bad Memories Of Childhood
Aside from having to deal with other people expressing negativity toward her decision to become a surrogate, Yaz also has to deal with the bad memories the medical screening brings up for her.
It’s routine for agencies to sit down with potential surrogate moms and have them undergo both a medical screening as well as discuss their family and their upbringing. This brings up some past unpleasant experiences for Yaz as she embarks on an exhausting emotional rollercoaster ride that lasts the entire month of March.
20 Mom Is So Not On Board With This Idea
To further add to the emotional rollercoaster ride that is March 2017, Yaz’s mom was very vocal in making her opinion known, pretty much saying, “Oh heck no, this is a really bad idea!” when her daughter finally tells her that she wants to become a surrogate mom.
Even though Yaz understands why her mother isn’t entirely on board with her decision and respects her opinions, she still plans on moving forward with her journey.
You can’t please everyone, and sometimes you have to do what is good for you and what feels right.
19 Feeling Excited At The End Of March 2017 Despite The Nay-Sayers
By the end of March, Yaz has finally regained some control of the emotional rollercoaster ride because she realizes that she has to trust her own instincts.
It is a struggle to learn how to ignore the nay-sayers while also trying to come to terms with past experiences, but Yaz manages to make it work. Towards the end of the month, she starts to feel excited about her upcoming surrogacy journey, although she’s careful to not express too much enthusiasm around the negative Nancys.
18 April Is The Month To Tell The World
During the month of April 2017, Yaz makes the life-changing decision to go public with her plans to become a surrogate mother. She’s a bit nervous, especially since the question on everyone’s mind is basically,
“Girl, why? That’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard in my entire life.”
After some careful self-reflection, Yaz realizes that the people in her life that are baffled by her decision are normal because it’s such a foreign concept for most people. On the flip side, she also has to learn how to deal with people that fawn all over her because her decision is so “selfless.”
17 Worrying If The Family Will Be A Right Match
Another worry that dances around poor Yaz’s head in April is whether or not the family is going to be the right match. After all, it’s not like you can stop the process if you don’t hit it off with the family once the embryo has been implanted in the womb.
Yaz turns to meditation to clear her mind of all of her worries about becoming a surrogate and find guidance to reassure herself that she is, in fact doing the right thing and it’ll all work out in the end.
16 Figuring Out How To Explain The Concept To A Five-Year-Old
Yaz also has another hurdle to clear in April 2017: how the heck to explain to her daughter the concept of surrogacy. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if her daughter was a bit older and she could go into a bit more scientific detail, but her little one is a youngin’ and the whole concept might go right over her head.
Yaz really doesn’t want to have her little girl grow attached to the baby in her mother’s womb, only to be devastated when she realizes that he or she won’t stay.
Thankfully, her daughter takes the news with aplomb and is excited about her mom's new journey.
15 The Big Day Arrives In June
June 2017 was a major month for Yaz since it was finally time for the embryo transfer process to begin. What helps keep her relaxed is that she clicked right away with the IPs (intended parents) and their relationship felt totally natural right off of the bat.
To further add to Yaz’s joy, her wife Nikki isn’t just surviving at her new job, she’s thriving. Her business was growing and Nikki’s clearly happier, both physically, spiritually and emotionally. Her contentment makes it easier for Yaz to take that life-changing step to become a surrogate mother.
14 Feeling Grateful For The Ability To Create Life
In July, Yaz receives the news she and the intended parents have been waiting for—she’s pregnant! Huzzah!
Yaz feels like she’s walking on cloud nine and she is so gratefully that her ability to create a new life is being able to be put to good use. She resolves to accept her changing body and once more undergo the rollercoaster ride that is pregnancy, but this time, it will be for the intended parents and not her and Nikki’s desire to expand their little family.
13 Being Forced To Switch Doctors
It’s funny how life can change so quickly in the blink of an eye, and Yaz experiences her first major hurdle in her surrogate journey in August.
She feels rattled after tests and checkups at the doctor’s hints that there’s a chance that the pregnancy ultimately wouldn’t be able to progress.
Yaz is forced to trust her instincts and change doctors. Her new doctor reassures her that everything’s going to be okay and that this will be a viable pregnancy.
12 Pregnancy Hormones And First Day Of Kindergarten
Let’s face it, the first day of kindergarten for new parents is always going to be emotional. Add in the rollercoaster ride that is pregnancy hormones and there’s going to be plenty of tears.
At the end of August, Nikki was pretty emotional about her little girl starting school. Once the big day arrives, Yaz and Nikki sit down to discuss why each of them is sad that their baby girl isn’t going to be under their watchful eyes anymore. In the end, they manage to come to terms with their daughter getting older and know that she’ll be just fine at school.
11 Anatomy Scan In October Shows The Baby Is Healthy
October 2017 marks the halfway journey of Yaz’s pregnancy. It was also the month that both she and the intended parents are anxiously awaiting the day when they get to go through the anatomy scan and see the results to make sure the future baby-to-be is perfectly fine.
Thankfully, the anatomy scan allows both Yaz and the intended parents to breathe a huge sigh of relief: the fetus is healthy, and they are going to have a bouncing baby boy in the very near future.
10 Losing A Loved One Is Always Hard
There is one dark cloud in October though—Yaz receives word that on October 27th that her cousin has passed away.
It’s an ironic juxtaposition—here Yaz is pregnant as a surrogate mother and creating new life in the face of one person’s life coming to an end.
Rattled, Yaz is left feeling both confused and distracted. Nothing really makes much sense to her, except for the age-old adage that with every passing, new life springs up in some way, shape or form. This mantra helps her get through such dark days.
9 Preparing For The Birth Requires A Mental Transition
While trying to juggle the news of a healthy fetus and her cousin passing away, Yaz adds one more burden to her plate: trying to mentally prepare for the birth and not being pregnant anymore.
October is a month of transitions; and for Yaz, she tries to ready herself for the inevitable.
It is emotionally taxing to prepare for a time that is going to come all-too-soon where she won’t be pregnant, but Yaz manages to try to start coming to terms with that inevitability.
8 The Parents Are A Source Of Support
Yaz feels grateful that the intended parents are so supportive. They check in with her almost every single day to see how she’s doing and how she’s feeling.
She admits that the intended parents have been a joy to work with and she wouldn’t have been able to go through this journey if they hadn’t been right by her side every single step of the way, cheering her on and giving her the emotional support that Yaz so desperately needs right now.
7 Gaining New Family Members
Yaz is ready to cry tears of joy when the intended parents offer to fly her out to Colorado so that she can meet their friends and family.
During her trip, she’s so warmly welcomed that she feels as if she’s gained new relatives that will always be by her side for the rest of her life.
The intended parents’ family and friends make sure to pamper her too—they made tons of healthy smoothies for her to drink and schedule a spa treatment too.
6 There are Different Types Of Surrogacy
During the beginning of her journey, Yaz learns that there are two types of surrogate mothers.
The traditional surrogate, which is the process everyone’s familiar with, is when the woman carrying the baby is the biological mother and her egg is the one fertilized.
The other type of surrogacy, which is the route Yaz went for, is known as gestational surrogacy. There’s no genetic link to the child and the woman carrying the baby is simply giving a little help so that a lucky family can have the gift of new life.
And these are 5 reasons Yaz won't want to go through with this process again...
5 Pregnancy Brain Is No Fun
Even though Yaz is happy that she took the plunge to become a surrogate mother, one reason why she’ll never do it again is due to what she affectionately terms “pregnancy brain.”
She describes pregnancy brain as being so darn tired and scatter-brained that it makes even the simplest tasks—such as updating a blog on WordPress—feel like a huge effort.
Then there’s the raging hormones that make her cry at the drop of a hat or worry needlessly about a problem that doesn’t even exist. Can we say no fun?
4 Being Pregnant Dries Out Your Hair And Skin
Yaz admits that in the second trimester, it’s a bummer to find out that her hair and skin kept constantly drying out.
While she attempts to try to breathe some life into her poor skin and strawlike hair, Yaz also has to deal with other unpleasant pregnancy symptoms such as having sore breasts every few days. That makes trying to do simple self-care for hair and skin 10 times harder, since just moving makes can cause pain in her chest.
3 Morning Sickness Is The Worst
Every mother, whether it is a traditional pregnancy or a surrogate pregnancy, cry to their friends and family that morning sickness is the absolute worst. Yaz notes that her nausea was one of the worst parts of being a surrogate mother for the future intended parents.
It’s literally either feast or famine for poor Yaz at this time.
She is grateful that her morning sickness managed to subside during the second trimester, although she’s annoyed that it was replaced by cravings to eat cold and crunchy snacks all day, every day.
2 In Constant Need Of Rest
Yaz admits that another downside of being a surrogate mother is the fact that she constantly needs rest during her pregnancy.
There are times during the first trimester when she falls asleep two hours before her daughter goes to bed, or when she is in dire need of a nap. Unlike her morning sickness which subsided in the second trimester, even then Yaz still needs to take some time out of her day in order to take a nap and recuperate.
1 Coming Down From Not Being Pregnant Is Rough
As her due date draws near, Yaz knows that it’s going to take some time to get used to not being pregnant and having to let the baby boy go home with his intended parents.
That’s why she has packed a hospital bag full of things that will help to relax her and keep her feeling cozy. These items include a comfortable cover-up robe, yoga maternity pants, and a loose fitting hoodie. She also brings some makeup to help pamper herself before she leaves the hospital and allows herself to look good and celebrate the end of her journey as a surrogate mother.