I’m at the age where several of my friends and relatives have welcomed a new bundle of joy into their life. I won’t lie, it can be really weird for me, a non-parent, to see them suddenly stop posting on social media about their wild nights out or the cute new dress they got and posting constantly about their new baby.
For example, my boyfriend’s sister recently got married and had a child. It took me a few weeks to get used to the fact that she stopped posting about her dog as much and is now posting more and more photos of her son. It was just weird for me to wrap my mind around the fact that she’s now a mother and has to care for another human being, especially since she’s younger than me.
I’ve also heard some heartbreaking stories where childfree friends and mom friends have grown apart. It’s always sad to see that; just because there is a life change, that shouldn’t mean that a friendship should grow apart.
Mom friends and their non-mom friends need to reach a balance and an understanding about the changes in their friendship; this can be helped with the following 20 tips.
Before they had kids, our mom friends were able to respond to every text, phone call and online message within seconds.
Working Moms Against Guilt points out that all that changes once the baby is brought home, and non-mom friends can’t get angry over it because it’s not our friends' fault. Their lives have been turned upside down and sometimes they’ll need to cut a conversation short or will take forever to respond to a text because they are busy taking care of their child.
It can sometimes be frustrating for childfree friends to understand, but once their buddies become parents, The Cut points out that their entire life changes because they are always going to have to take care of their children first and foremost.
They don’t mean to ghost us or to become distant; they just have a whole new set of priorities right now and they need to learn how to juggle that. It takes time to get used to taking care of another living being, but eventually, they’ll be back.
Fit Bottomed Girls says that the minute our buddies become parents, late nights out are going to become a distant memory because they just don’t have the energy to keep their eyes open until the wee hours of the morning.
Plus, trying to find a babysitter—whether it’s their spouse/partner, a family member, or a professional–can be a TOTAL pain in the butt. It’s easier to be flexible and understanding so that the two of you can continue to hang out whenever she has time.
Fit Bottomed Girls also notes that non-mom friends and mom friends have to be honest and reach an understanding with each other. Childfree friends have to get used to having a baby around that’s going to emit ear-splitting shrieks at random moments when visiting, while our mom friends have to understand that not everyone is going to want to hold their child for hours on end.
As long as both of you are honest with each other and know what to expect, it’ll get easier to hang out with a newborn in the mix.
RedTri talks about how it is common for new mothers’ social media pages to do a 180 after the baby is born. So, expect to see constant posts about how their little one yawned or how they’re learning to wave their fists around.
It can be annoying, but that’s why many social media accounts allow users to hide certain posts OR you can just perfect the fine art of scrolling if you get sick of reading such things after a while.
No matter how gross it is to childfree friends, RedTri writes that part of being friends with moms is having to listen to all TMI stuff that’s going on with their bodies after the pregnancy.
Be patient with your pals; childbirth is no joke and takes a lot out of a person. Even after the baby is born, recovery can be a slow and painful process. Heck, we childfree folks can use the TMI stuff as fodder for asking our doctors to make sure we get permanent forms of birth control!
RedTri adds that it’s going to be common for new mothers to be super forgetful because they are learning how to juggle being a parent alongside their job, their pre-existing social life, etc.
Don’t get mad if your friends are very forgetful. It’s not their fault that their memory has gone down the drain. I recommend sending them reminders periodically if you’re supposed to get together or helping them find apps that will make scheduling easier so that they don’t forget important events.
Working Moms Against Guilt writes that it is very important for non-mom friends to understand that their pals who have recently become parents experienced a life shift and their children are their lives right now.
For the first few years, you’re going to get an earful about their kids. But once their children are older and less dependent, it’ll be easier for mom friends to have a better social life—you just need to hang in there and wait it out with them.
RedTri points out that now more than ever, our mom friends need us to be a friendly ear. As a friend, just be patient with them as they learn how to navigate this new stage in their life.
Our friends are still the same person that they always were; they just have added responsibilities. The two of you can make a deal: every time your mom friend has to talk about their child, then you get to rant about your pet or anything else that’s bothering you.
RedTri writes that childbirth and its long, slow recovery can be a horror show and our mom friends need a friendly ear that they know they can vent to.
Weird things are happening to their bodies as they recover from delivery and their bodies (and their pride) have taken one heck of a bruising, so we should lend them our ears for a few minutes as they vent about how much the entire process hurts like Hades or how sore they are.
I know it sucks that our mom friends can act like they have ghosted us once the little one comes home, but Fit Bottomed Girls points out that being a parent means that your life has become topsy-turvy and it won’t settle down until well after the toddler stage.
I see how hard it can be for my mom friends to learn how to juggle. I have the utmost respect for them; bring home a puppy is an adjustment, but it’s nowhere near as bad as having to learn how to parent a real, live human being.
RedTri notes that our mom friends need their BFF because being a parent is absolutely exhausting and it can be very draining caring for a child in the beginning.
Even if we do nothing but sit back on the couch and relax with a glass of wine and binge some Netflix while the baby sleeps, it is important for our mom friends to interact with fellow adults—especially ones that don’t have children—to preserve some form of normalcy.
According to The Bump, it is normal for new mothers to accidentally overshare to their non-mom friends because they survived the trials and tribulations of pregnancy.
Some non-mom friends might not care because they’re planning to have children one day and being forewarned is forearmed, but if you’d rather not hear about it, it’s best to gently let your friend know so that they won’t accidentally gross you out when they’re rambling about all the wacky stuff they went through when giving birth.
The Cut writes that it is important for non-mom friends to understand that our mom friends are busy now that they have another human being to look after, and we can’t take declined invitations personally.
There will be some days when our mom friends are so exhausted they can’t be bothered to change out of sweatpants, let alone go out to eat with their friends. They don’t mean to be so flakey, it just comes with the territory.
The Cut points out that part of the reason why new mothers tend to stick with other new mothers instead of their non-mom friends is due to the fact that sometimes, they feel ashamed of having to talk about their children constantly.
As non-mom friends, it is important that we understand that our friends who are parents will be chattering incessantly about their kids and we just have to roll with it. Hey, I figure if they can put up with my ramblings about my dogs, I can listen to THEIR ramblings about their kiddos.
Working Moms Against Guilt admits that new mothers have a shorter attention span than they did before they had children. This is because they have to keep an eagle eye on what their kids are doing.
Dealing with a job plus taking care of a newborn means that their memory has gone down the toilet and they’re lucky if they have the attention span of a gnat. It’s best to keep texts and phone calls in short increments, lest our new mom friends space out.
RedTri notes that new mothers have to deal with a special kind of exhaustion, and I don’t envy them at all.
I thought it was bad when my dog Zoe wakes me up in the middle of the night frantic and panicking because she’s scared of a thunderstorm and I wind up getting NO sleep, but dealing with a newborn is 10 times worse from what I understand. New mothers worship at the shrines of Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts since that’s the only way they are going to be able to function for the foreseeable future.
According to The Cut, there are going to be times when our mom friends are envious of our ability to enjoy a lazy Saturday. Even if we have young puppies or kittens that wake us up early to go for a walk or demand their breakfast, pets are still FAR easier to take care of than babies and we’re lucky enough to be able to go back to sleep after our pets’ needs are taken care of.
New moms aren’t so lucky; and it’s not until their children are much, much older will they be able to enjoy a lazy Saturday morning in bed.
The Bump writes that while it is important the new mom friends hire a babysitter or get one of their relatives to watch the little one while they go out with their buddies for much needed alone time, sometimes that’s not always possible.
Scheduling issues can crop up every now and then, so we non-mom friends need to cut our pals some slack if something comes up and our buddies need to bring the baby along for the ride.
RedTri points out that once our pals become a mother, they now have a whole different set of priorities and that can be a difficult adjustment for their non-mom friends.
It is important to understand that even though their priorities have changed, they’re still our friend and they still want to know what’s going on in our lives. Just because they now have a little one to look after doesn’t mean that they suddenly stop caring about their best friends.