As mothers, we strive to be perfect in everything we do, whether that be in regards to caring for our children, in our personal lives, at work, or when it comes to comparing ourselves to others. While some mothers feel as if they can absolutely do no wrong—although far and few in-between—there are some of us that exist who will admit that we make mistakes.
We are only human; we don’t know it all and have no shame in learning lessons along the way. But no matter what type of mother we are, we will often compare ourselves to others around us.
As catty as it may seem, some women just have a keep-up-with-the-Joneses syndrome and will always feel inferior or superior to another human being in some type of way, shape or form. This, in turn, leads to opinions of other women, whether we are right or wrong—justified or not. Women judge other women for everything under the sun and a majority of the time, depending on the type of person you are, it usually has no merit on what type of person they are. It generally has nothing to do with their contributions to society.
If you are one of those women who can’t stand people with a judgmental or temperamental attitude or you struggle with feeling adequate enough, then this article will put a smile on your face. Here are 20 Things Moms Judge Each Other For And Why It’s High Time It Stopped.
20 "You’re Having Another?"
There are a lot of women in the world who feel like having and raising kids is a difficult task altogether and rightfully so, since until the past couple of decades or so babies and children didn’t come with an instruction manual.
Most of us when going on a trip to the grocery store, or on a playdate with our own children, definitely take time to pause the moment we see another mother enter the store with more than three children tagging along.
Many women automatically assume that the woman either doesn’t have a partner to support them or that they have nothing else better to do in life but have babies. The same goes for families who announce pregnancies for baby #4 and beyond. The truth is, it’s no one’s business how many children you have if they aren’t supporting them. Move along, ladies.
19 Living The Single Life
When most of us are out in public and we spot a woman who is out with her kid and they don’t have a partner present, many—without a second thought—make the assumption or come to the conclusion that they don’t happen to have a partner at all in their life.
What most women don’t consider is that the person could have had a partner that didn't survive an unforeseen circumstance, or they may have recently split up.
Or hey, Dad just might be working today, okay? But that’s not all because some women could have chosen to put their careers first and had a baby through an anonymous donor, too. Nonetheless, there’s no shame in the single parenting game. It’s tough as nails and those mommies deserve our praise, not punishment.
18 All Cliqued Up
Remember when you were in high school and all of the kids seemed to have some form of a clique or another? If you were a cheerleader then you were cool with that squad and the jocks; if you were nerds then they accepted you as one of their own; if you were a soccer player then you were cool with the athletes.
There was basically a group for everyone. This still goes on today as you can see in the hilarious movie Bad Moms, where the characters form a group of three and essentially judge everyone else who isn’t like each of them. Also, according to Our Small Hours, many moms have a need to have a sense of belonging and don’t want to be the odd woman out.
Ah, perhaps we could be such amazing mothers to our daughters if we taught them that they could be leaders instead of followers. We teach them to never change for any man, but do we teach them to refuse to change for their fellow female friend? Leading by example has its perks.
17 A Little Discipline
Have you ever been on an outing and witnessed a child screaming at the top of their lungs? Yes, every one of us has at some point and time. Many of us think that the child is being some type of whining toddler who is upset that they can’t have their way, or we assume the mother doesn’t have sense enough or is too docile to give them some needed discipline.
According to Verywell, child mistreatment, which ranges from emotional to the physical, is more common than we may think. In some states, that means giving your kid a tap on the behind. Also, there are many of us these days that believe in non-physical forms of discipline, which a plethora of research stands to support.
Times are changing. It’s people who refuse to. Perhaps we should think twice about imposing our standards of discipline on another parent and their child. Would we want the same?
16 Financial Status Is Everything, Right?
Depending on where in the country you live in, people have vastly different mindsets when it comes to financial stability or security. In some places, a family’s values or economic situations may put them in a position to rely on low-wage jobs and public assistance programs to get by.
In other places, we may believe in working a full-time job and taking on additional part-time work to pay off debt, build extra savings or whatever we may choose. Others may have been blessed with financial success.
So, next time you see a mother who looks unkempt as well as her children, it may be because they didn’t have any better options or they simply chose to live thriftily. Neither of them warrants any judgment at all. If we feel they do, we must question what we are feeling inadequate about in our own lives that compels us to compare ourselves to someone else.
15 Spoiled Much?
Some mothers buy their children everything thing that they can possibly want or ask for. Sometimes it doesn’t matter the cost of these items, the parents often spare no expense—regardless if it’s an expensive iPhone, a high-cost pair of shoes, super flashy birthday parties or a wardrobe full of latest name branded clothing.
Some mothers assume that the children don’t deserve any of these things but what they may not realize that people have different mindsets when it comes to rewarding their children.
According to MSN, there are also many parents who have high-stress jobs and buy their children these gifts to feel connected as they are required to be at work for extended periods of time. It’s far too easy to judge when we don’t have all the details.
Ask, or remain silent.
14 Educational Choices Are None Of Your Beeswax
The majority of children in the United States go through the public education system, which is free and based on the income from tax dollars from the surrounding neighborhoods. However, there are many parents who feel that their children aren’t getting adequate representation when it comes to their child getting the educational resources that they need.
Homeschooling and online educational programs for children have been on the rise in the past decade and according to A2ZHomeschooling, approximately 3% of children in each state are homeschooled.
We may turn our noses up at those parents but with the recent escalation of school tragedies, increases in bullying, children testing as gifted, and losses of tax bases and district funding due to major natural disasters, a parent has the right to educate their child how they see fit so long as they are learning.
13 To Medicate Or Not To Medicate
As you may know, the experience of giving birth is one of the most private and personal things in our lives. However, there are many women who choose to make videos not only for themselves but some avid natural birthing and home birthing advocates make the choice of sharing this with the world.
It’s not whether or not you can find someone else’s experience that women buzz about, but rather whether they chose to receive medical intervention such as epidurals, painkillers, and analgesics during the process.
Just like you can’t eat someone’s food for them, you can’t endure someone else’s labor either, and how a woman chooses to deal with it is her choice.
Many mothers also struggle post-birth with feelings of inadequacy or regret that they weren’t able to do it as they planned. Why not try being a friend and not bursting the bubble that’s already weighing on her postpartum heart?
12 The Great Vaccine Debate
Vaccines sound like a great idea to almost all of us. Who wouldn’t want to exempt their child from harm? The question remains: which avenue poses more risk for such?
Researchers—including those directly involved with the CDC, as shown by Health Impact—have concluded that some vaccinations have been known to cause irreversible damage to children such as Autism, ADHD, death, paralysis and much more. The parents of vaccine-injured children who have been compensated by the government for such in a court of law serve to confirm these side effects.
The Washington Standard just recently reported that a lawsuit filed against the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services proved the government organization has never completed any vaccine safety studies that the 1986 Vaccine Injury Act mandated them to perform. We cannot be quick to judge and assume parents who vaccinate haven’t researched their choice. Equally, as such, we cannot assume those who don’t do not have a good reason for opting out.
11 Food, Folks, And Fun
You may recognize that slogan from the infamous restaurant chain known as McDonald’s. For some parents, this is the greatest invention they’ve known since it offers a wide assortment of choices that will satisfy their children’s food cravings on a budget and rescue you on a long road trip.
You don’t even have to lift a finger to prepare the meal. Other parents believe in feeding their children a more balanced diet which is more in line with being natural and undeniably healthier.
Did you catch that part? Undeniably. We get it. Salads and lean protein are best. Some of us will still opt out of that routine from time to time. No one said it’s better for them, but it may be best for us on a busy day where our sanity needs preserving. While different people have different ideas on how they can provide meals for their family, it’s not our place to pass judgment on how someone feeds their children.
10 Screen Time Perils
Experts at the AAP say that children should have about one hour of screen time for children over the age of two years, which is reduced to one hour per day until they reach five years of age.
They also recommend that children over the age of six have limited television hours as well, via CNN. Some parents, especially those who work outside of the home, choose to let their children have unchecked amounts of time on the television as well as digital devices.
While there are parents who prefer that their child engages in activities that don’t involve television—like exercise, playing, outdoor activities, reading or other interests—not everyone shares the same view. So what? Let’s get over it, girls.
9 Co-Sleeping Shade
This one has been debated back and forth for decades. Some parents have a belief that attachment parenting causes no harm to your babies and encourages them to develop a sense of security, love, comfort and having all of their needs met.
Then there are other parents who see co-sleeping as harmful, making their child too codependent, and risking death. This is especially true amongst parents who are too exhausted to check on their little ones and had to endure the horror of having accidentally suffocating their little ones.
Still, a lot of evidence supports co-sleeping—and even bedsharing—being beneficial, and America is one of the only countries that warns against it versus recommending it.
8 Bye Bye, Binky
Pacifiers are one of those timeless inventions that were created as a way to satisfy an infant’s sucking reflex and soothe them when they are upset. They have been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS.
Some of us swear by them and all of the great things that the pacifier can do. Some believe that allowing their child to wean from it slowly will be helpful to their development and their own sanity.
Other mothers acknowledge the benefits of the pacifier and realize that there can be risks to the baby’s oral health and tooth development, as well as social ramifications of letting a child use their pacifier until they are in their toddler years.
Further, some moms opt out because it can interfere with the establishment of a milk supply for breastfeeding moms, and many of such feel it’s their job to be baby’s paci. Whatever works!
7 Busy Bees For That Family
We all know those mothers who have their children enlisted in some type of activity every single second of every single day. Their schedules generally consist of practice, school day, ballet, soccer, dance, chess club, piano recital, book club, friend time, sleep and it continues every single week.
While some parents may judge this because it makes their head spin that someone else doesn’t give their child freedom to do as they please, there are actually many benefits in keeping your child focused on organized activities, according to We Have Kids.
There are also some parents who want their children to just enjoy all of the things that childhood has to offer as long as they get good grades and spend time with their family. In the end, we’ll all turn out diverse children who aren’t identical. Wouldn’t anything else be boring? So, why are we complaining?
6 Hey There, Scary Mary
Some moms are free-spirited and carefree, allowing their children to explore the world at their own pace and be expressive of their personalities and find out who they are. They don’t necessarily instill traditional rules on their children as other mothers do such as boundaries with sleeping schedules, friends, activities and many other things.
On the flipside, there are some parents who are scared to death of letting their children go out into the world. They are afraid that their child will get bit by a bug, stung by a bee, hurt themselves on the playground, or get into a fight.
They just want to protect their child. It's not a surprising desire given the kinds of things we’re seeing on the news these days. Leave them be. It’s not your child.
5 Are They Working Their Childhood Away?
Some mothers treat their children like mommy dearest or the next closest thing to it with the amount of work that they make them do on a daily basis. There are other moms who don’t believe in making their child do any housework what-so-ever.
With this comes children who don’t have to lift a finger to do anything at all for themselves. They don’t have to do their laundry, pick up their clothing, clean their rooms, or be held accountable for chores. Parents have a right to ensure that their kids become responsible adults as well as not make them do anything they feel would take their childhood away.
4 Hair Up There
Let's face it. Kids have hair and it comes in all shapes, colors, cuts, sizes, textures, and prices. How many times have you bucked your eyes in amazement when you saw a child come out of the house with their hair looking like it hadn’t been combed or styled in a week?
What one person thinks is unkempt, another person sees it as being creative. What another person may see as a style too old for the child, another views it as easy upkeep.
Different people are into different hairstyles and there doesn’t happen to be a one-size-fits-all when it comes to the perfect cut. If you wouldn’t judge the child to their face, don’t judge the mother. We’re all doing our best.
3 But Breastfeeding Is Best
Notably, more moms start out breastfeeding than do not. So, the majority clearly acknowledge breast is the best choice. No one is denying science here. Breastfeeding is nature's intended way to feed your baby and provide them with everything they need in life in the way of nutrition at least for the first year.
In many countries, it is the only way that feedings are encouraged and fines may be imposed on anyone who promotes alternatives during the baby’s first six months. Some moms tend to disagree and go with the latter option since it is more convenient for their lifestyles.
But providing for your baby’s nutrition is a personal choice and women need to stop being shamed for what option they choose. Formula isn’t always chosen out of laziness. Often, pediatricians push for it. Sometimes, mom cannot nurse due to D-MER, postpartum mental health disorders, medications, a lack of quality breast tissue and more. Back off, ladies.
2 Go Au Naturale
Some mothers have a strong belief that for every ailment that their child will suffer for which there is a medical cause, that they will only accept a medically-based solution. This means they will rush their child to the pediatrician or emergency room for every cut, scrape or sneeze that happens.
However, with the rise or resurgence in popularity of herbalism, essential oils, and spiritualism, many parents are opting for natural remedies that are felt to be safer and more cost-effective. As long as the child is healed from whatever issue they have then it shouldn’t matter what method is chosen. Deep breaths! Not your circus, not your monkeys.
1 All That Scholarly Attitude
All parents want their children to excel in life, whether that be musically, academically, artistically, or professionally. Some children maintain very high grades in all of their classes or remain on the honor roll, but then there are others who struggle to get by or are just holding their heads above water.
Many of us scoff at other children who just aren’t making the cut or don’t measure up to our own children’s intellectual abilities. At the end of the day, we don’t know exactly what is causing those issues.
They may have days spent unsupervised; they may not have educated parents, they may live in difficult circumstances such as violence and poverty, they may have learning disabilities, or they may just not quite understand the curriculum.
They have parents. Let them sort it out. Focus on your kids. That is where your attention should be.