The top three reasons for divorce are infidelity, money, and lack of communication. Anyone contemplating divorce needs to weigh the pros and cons carefully before filing for divorce. Women and men who do decide to file for divorce should have faith in themselves because people are strong enough to survive even the most painful breakup. In fact, many are strong enough to thrive.
Divorce is almost always rough but sometimes, it's for the best. The twenty stories on today's list show that divorce is frequently a pathway to something better, rather than a reason for despair. Divorce is never easy, but it may be necessary. The divorce rate in America reached its peak in 1980, when forty percent of married couples ended up divorced, according to Refinery29.com. Today, the USA divorce rate has declined. Of course, couples still get divorced and plenty endure emotional turmoil while they do it.
A survey performed by a London law firm called Seddons, which was referenced in a Huffington Post article, shows that couples who get divorced regret the effect that it has on their kids more than they regret anything else. Luckily, a lot of people who get divorced are committed to making life better for themselves - and their children - after they untie the knot.
According to Parenting.com, a member of the U.S. military, Emma, enjoyed watching her daughter come into her own after divorce. Emma feels proud that she's managed to keep things together and gives her family credit for providing Emma and her child with consistent, loving support.
It's possible to be a single mother and get great results. While exhaustion is something that Emma deals with, she's managed to survive...and thrive. Emma left her husband right when her daughter was born because the home environment wasn't healthy due to his poor conduct. Despite money problems, tiredness and fear, she persevered and everything is good now. Divorce was the right decision for her and her child.
According to The Guardian, an anonymous woman asked her husband to leave if he wasn't truly in love with her. Crushingly, he did leave her. Even though they'd been together for thirteen long years, something important was missing.
Just half a year after the wedding, the anon woman noticed that he was "shrinking away" from her. She also felt that he blamed most problems in his life on her. When she forced the issue, she'd already decided to go through the divorce if her hubby didn't love her enough to try. It was courageous of her to give her husband an ultimatum, rather than continuing on in a bad relationship that caused her pain.
A woman who discussed her divorce anonymously at The Guardian found herself in an intimate embrace with a female, even though she was married to a man. The embrace changed everything for her. She realized that she'd never felt that kind of passion before and that she had to change her life, forever. A realization like this led to divorce.
For her, it was the best decision, and it was surely the best for her husband, too, as, if the marriage continued, his wife would basically be living a lie. Life is a journey and we all have revelations, some of which lead to divorce. People change.
Divorce can be tough, without making a woman feel like she's failed at life. One woman who spoke anonymously to The Guardian said that she left her marriage because her husband wanted to change the boundaries. He wanted to open up the relationship. She's wasn't interested and that was that.
After the marriage ended, she did feel like a loser for a while, mostly because she didn't have her best friend and confidante anymore, but she got over it when she realized she could never have been happy with the new relationship that her ex has asked for. Sometimes, it's easier to stay than to leave, but leaving is the right thing to do.
According to The Guardian, a woman's two-year marriage ended because her husband found love elsewhere. She got blindsided. This happens more than you might imagine and the pain that it causes is traumatic. However, it's survivable.
Today, she's moved on from the end of her marriage and is actually glad that her ex is still with the woman he left her for. She feels like it would have been harder for her if he'd ended the marriage over a relationship that was short-term. Obviously, this divorced woman has a lot of maturity. She said that the conversation which led to the end of her marriage felt "surreal".
According to The Guardian, one woman found the administrative aspects of untying the knot annoying and long-winded. She said that telling everyone about her divorce felt like work and that other elements of breaking up, including finding new employment and meeting with estate agents, meant a ton of new tasks.
She complained of "tiptoeing" around for a long while as she transitioned to being single again. She could handle the emotional side of divorce, but found the nuts and bolts of detaching irritating. She wished that people around her would have focused on cheering her up, rather than doling out sympathy.
According to Herworld.com, one woman who divorced a man named Jayden found it hard to pick up the pieces but eventually managed to become friends with her ex-husband, even though his penchant for nightlife had contributed to the destruction of the marriage. They had kids together, plus, she really loved certain members of Jayden's family. This is why she made every effort to accept the divorce as the best decision and then work on her relationship with the father of her children. People who are able to adapt this way have an edge in life. They don't sit around feeling sorry for themselves.
When it comes to divorce, men feel the burn, just like the ladies. Emotional pain definitely isn't gender-specific. Brent's wife decided to end the marriage and he didn't protest. He was shocked, as it was all out of the blue, and the couple had three kids who were on the young side.
Brent feels that work pressures and childcare made it hard to keep their love alive. He felt panicked at the prospect of divorce but soon rebounded, according to Nfrchelp.org. He and his ex came together as parents. They saw counselors to get past their pain and move forward, for the sake of their kids.
According to Allprodad.com, one dad found himself crying a lot after his divorce, mostly because he figured he'd fail as a dad after the split was completed. He also felt empty inside after he drove his children to the home of his ex because he had to go home alone afterward. He thinks that some dads move away from their kids after divorce because they can't handle all of the emotions. They distance themselves to try and dull the pain.
Instead of moving away himself, he turned down career opportunities that would have required relocation. Part of accepting that divorce was the right decision was being determined to keep his bond with the children intact.
According to Thelily.com, Hannah from San Diego, who tied the knot at the tender age of eighteen, was ready to bail on her marriage by age 25. She felt that the challenges presented by her spouse were just too much to handle. She did go through with the divorce and knows it was the wisest course of action. He ex suffered from PTSD and depression during their marriage. While some wives would be able to handle that, she was overwhelmed by it and just wanted to feel happy and free again. Maybe she got married a little bit too young.
A woman identified only by the initials, "HJ", said that she was young when she married, but still found it difficult to begin again, according to Thelily.com. However, she is grateful that her relationship with her ex-husband is a cordial one. They do talk and they also help each other out when it is appropriate. When she made the decision to divorce, she felt young, but, after the divorce was completed, she felt that she'd become wiser than her years. Divorce may be the right thing, but it's still a great big life change. It can lead to personal growth.
"CF" told Thelily.com that divorce gave her new resilience because it forced her to confront a really uncomfortable situation head-on. Apparently, people asked CF some rude questions after her marital split, such as whether or not she felt like a failure, but she handled it with grace.
When divorce is meant to be, there's no point in holding onto feelings of shame or fear or failure. Smart people understand that life is precious and short and look for new happiness as soon as they recover from their marital break-ups. If you're going through a divorce...keep going. Things will get easier.
Moms like Jessica from New York have to contend with a lot of emotional overloads during their divorces. According to Thelily.com, Jessica was afraid that getting a divorce would destroy the life of her five-year-old daughter. These fears are normal and the best way to face them is to step up and co-parent in the most mature way possible.
Instead of assuming that the worst will happen, envision a very bright future and then make it happen. Kids don't have to be damaged by divorce. They can recover, just as their parents do. Parents need to help by getting past their issues with one another.
If you're getting divorced and you're getting judgmental comments from people around you, you may want to take a page from the divorce playbook of "ST", who told Thelily.com that she doesn't feel like she has to share details about her marital split with society at large, or anyone that she doesn't feel like confiding in. If people ask her questions, she cuts the conversation short by saying she was half of a married couple that was happy until it was no longer happy. She keeps it short, simple and to the point and doesn't let other people judge her.
According to Thelily.com, one divorced woman was counting the days until she could go back to her maiden name. Being burdened with the married name after the split was stressful for her. She got a new job right after the split, so she was rebounding very well, but didn't enjoy using an email address that features her married name. She was forced to do so by her new employer's rules. Clearly, she couldn't wait to start fresh. She just needed the divorce to be finalized. Getting rid of reminders of the marriage is often one of the best ways to start fresh and get over it for good.
According to Thought Catalog, one divorced guy appreciated small acts of kindness more after his marriage broke down. He said that divorce meant a lot of hassle with court battles and child custody. It was a tough time but it passed. After everything was done, he could relax and feel the warmth that comes from being treated kindly, by the people close to him and by strangers. One interesting aside to this story is that he eventually decided to reunite with his former spouse. Sometimes, getting divorced is the right decision at a certain point in time, but becomes the wrong decision later.
According to Cosmopolitan.com, a woman named Elise got married on the spur of the moment and then got divorced just one year later. After her divorce, she branched out by dating men while she spent time in Europe. It's admirable that she went out and went after adventure, as soon as she felt able to. Her marriage died due to frequent arguments that grew more intense over time. Even counseling didn't help, so divorce was a smart decision. Getting back in the dating pool helped her to move on. Some people move on more quickly than others.
Some divorces are way less combative than others. "Woman B" told Cosmopolitan that she married her high school sweetheart and then ended that marriage when she was twenty-eight years old. The relationship had been happy at first, but the flames of passion eventually went out. They loved each other only as friends. This is why Woman B is cool with her divorce. She knows it was the right things for both of them. While things were awkward between her and her ex for a while, they are better now. These two retained respect for each other, despite the divorce.
According to Cosmopolitan, "woman A" got a divorce after her hubby gave her a speech that many women (and men) have heard before. It was the "love you, not in love with you" speech. What can you do after you hear that? You can't make another person love you. In a situation like this, unless those words were spoken in anger, it's really best to throw in the towel and this is why Woman A did. Now, she has a chance to find someone who will never make her listen to that speech. She has hope for something much better.
According to Cosmopolitan, "woman C" heard a lot of lies from her former husband when he announced that he wanted a divorce. He told her that he wanted out of the marriage because she didn't give him a hug after he got some bad news. In the end, the truth came out and that was that there was another woman in the picture. Once her husband initiated the divorce, it was time for her to start accepting it. Acceptance doesn't happen overnight, but it can happen. The fact that a partner has moved on with someone else is usually the spur to do just the same.
References: Refinery29.com, Hufffingtonpost.com, Marriage.com, Parentingnh.com, Guardian.co.uk, Guardian.co.uk, Guardian.co.uk, Guardian.co.uk, Guardian.co.uk, Herworld.com, Nfrchelp.org, Allprodad.com, Thelily.com, Thelily.com, Thelily.com, Thelily.com, Thelily.com, Thelily.com, Thoughtcatalog.com, Cosmopolitan.com, Cosmopolitan.com, Cosmopolitan.com