As soon as you've been married for a little while, you always get asked the same question: "What's it like to be married?" What people want to know, of course, is if being married feels different from being in a serious, long-term relationship. Many couples would say that it feels the same and many of us believe that if it was a good relationship to begin with, then it's going to be an awesome marriage. It's exciting to start a life together and start a family, too.
Even if we don't think that marriage changes things, we can all agree that having children changes things. More specifically, it can change our husband. This can happen for better or for worse, and we would all hope that it's the former. But life happens and there are hard times and many couples have experienced some low moments that only took place after having a baby.
How did some husbands change after their wife went into labor and they had officially started their family? Let's take a look. Here are 20 moms who have shared how their hubbies changed after the kids came, along with three celebrities who got real and opened up, too.
23 So Sweet
We would hope that when we have a child, our husband becomes even better than he was before. Everyone would agree with this, right?
That's what happened to this mom who posted on Reddit. She said, "He is very much the same guy but those great qualities are why I married him to begin with. The only thing that I see different is that he is not an affectionate person but he kisses and hugs our 2 year old daughter like nobody's business. There is no shortage of love for that girl."
Can we all say "awwww"? How sweet does this hubby sound?
22 Who's The Kid Here?
There are jokes galore about dating a man child and how males don't really grow up. That's definitely not how you want to think of your husband after you both become parents, and yet this does happen.
"Around the 8 week mark after my first was born my husband started acting kinda childish, like he was just irritated and snapping all the time!"
shared one mom on Reddit. She continued that she was so focused on her newborn that she hadn't really been paying attention to him, so she made sure to do that.
This is a great example of how sometimes, someone can change but there's a reason behind their behavior. He just wanted more time with his wife, and we can understand that for sure.
21 Mr. Responsibility
You have to be a responsible person before you have a baby... because if you're not, it's not going to be the most fun time. It's easy to imagine how chaotic your house (and life) would be.
You would also hope that your partner is just as responsible and organized as you are so you can work together as a team once the baby is here.
Another mom said on Reddit about her husband, "He says he became more responsible, but I feel he's always been a hard worker and a generally responsible person." Every wife wants this kind of husband so it sounds perfect.
20 Super Cranky
We know that babies are cranky when they're tired or hungry... and so are toddlers (and pre-teens... and teens... and, okay, we get that way, too). Husbands can be just as cranky.
On the forum What To Expect, one wife got real about the changes that she saw in her husband after having a baby. She wrote that he was a "selfish brat" all of a sudden: "He expects the baby to sleep through the night. Um, no- it's not normal for a 2 week old baby to sleep through the night. That only happens if you're incredibly lucky." She added that he only wanted to eat pizza (but the frozen kind) and that kind of food.
Many wives can relate to this... and every wife hopes that their hubbies snap out of it.
19 A Change For The Worse
Sometimes, a marriage will break up because the husband or wife changes so much after the baby comes that it's impossible to maintain the same loving relationship that they once had. This wife shared on Reddit, " My ex husband showed some signs of being selfish but after I had the baby, he began staying out all the time. He would go to everything without me. Even his office Christmas party. He would tell me about whatever event as he was walking out the door so I couldn't find a sitter."
She went on,
"Eventually I found out about his affairs and left him. I hesitate to tell my story because I don't think it's representative."
That sounds so rough and is definitely an example of changing for the worse.
18 Helping Hand
Another mom and wife said in The Bump, "I was so hormonal and crazy from breastfeeding, and my husband had a hard time because he didn't know how to help."
This brings up a really important thing: how sometimes, a husband can start acting what we would perceive as strange or differently after the baby comes... and it's simply because he's not sure how he can help. He wants to be as helpful as possible and yet he feels like he's not the mom so he can't be that amazing. This seems like a common situation, and it's best for couples to talk this through so they can get to the root of the matter together.
17 Uh Oh
As we can tell from the Reddit thread called "I'm starting to resent my husband" that this wife and mother started, her marriage changed after they had their baby.
She wrote, "He barely holds our son. Granted he works hard and wants to relax when he gets home but it's so frustrating to me and hurts. My husband will see if he's hungry, needs a change, and if he can't figure it out he will swaddle him and put him in the swing to cry it out." It's heartbreaking to hear these types of tales.
We all want equal work to be put into raising a baby and, later, a child.
16 A Totally Different Husband
You know that you're going to be a different person after you have a baby. After all, you're a mom now. It's your new identity and one that you have been dreaming of and you wouldn't change it for anything.
But what if those changes are bad?
This woman wrote about her sister on Reddit who, after having a baby the year before, couldn't stop saying negative things about her husband. She wrote that her sister was "even going so far as to say she'd divorce him but she doesn't want her kid to grow up with divorced parents. She seems so miserable with him." She continued, "They are like completely different people."
15 The Importance Of Being Close
While some couples would say that having a baby pulled them far apart from each other and ruined their love story, others would say that it made them more connected than ever before. The latter is what we're all looking for.
A woman posted on Quora that after having their baby,"My husband and I grew closer together. I have seen many couples make very little time for each other after having a baby. We have two children- both under five years old- and we absolutely adore them. But we understand that our marriage is the foundation of our family." That's such a nice story, isn't it?
14 The End Of The Marriage
"He became a wonderful dad - very attentive. But he became a horrible husband - having emotional (and I believe physical) affairs," wrote one woman on Reddit. She also shared that,
"I lost all sense of self esteem. I trust no one."
It's so hard to hear a story like this one. We would never wish that on any marriage. While some might say that there's a silver lining here because her ex-husband is an amazing father, others would say that it's heartbreaking for a marriage to end when you're celebrating a joyous life event such as having a baby.
13 So Different
For this mom whose story is shared in a Parents.com article, she and her hubby had a tough time after having a baby. She opened up: "I knew having a baby would change my day-to-day. But I didn't know it would rock my relationship too. After our son was born, my husband, Aaron, suddenly had opinions about everything -- and most of them differed from mine. The first year of Eric's life was the worst of our marriage."
It seems like many married couples can relate to that, especially that last line. While it's not great to realize that your husband has changed after you become parents, it's good to recognize what's going on and come back from it if you can.
12 Second Baby Blues
What if your husband changes for the better after your first baby but changes for the worse after your second one? That's not a situation that anyone would want to be in.
This woman, who posted on Reddit, talked about how her husband isn't on board with their second baby.
She said, "Over the course of the last year he has never bonded. He did blame me, so I've tried to interfere less and give them alone time. I find this so hard. The children are both in daycare and I take the baby 99.9% of the time, but our toddler he will bring later on days we can't or don't want to wake them usually 1-2 times a week."
11 Not The Same Anymore
When your husband starts acting weird and you feel like you're not that close anymore, it's never good news. This is especially true when you already have kids and are pregnant with your third.
On Circle Of Moms, one wife and mom wrote about being in this exact situation. She said, "My husband and I are currently expecting our third child in a few weeks. We are both happy because we are having a girl after 2 boys. I guess I feel a little sad right now because I feel like he is disconnected... I don't really know what to think anymore and I'm not really sure if I should be sad or angry. All I know is that I am confused." Talk about an emotional time.
10 Getting Fit
"He got fatter along with me during all 3 pregnancies," wrote one wife and mother on Reddit, but she shared that her husband started working out and got fit after that.
While we might laugh about a "dad bod" we know that it's smart to be healthy and fit.
We all want to feel as amazing as we can (especially when we're new moms and sleep is something that doesn't seem to be happening regularly anymore) and that means working out (when we can) and eating well. For this wife, her husband changed physically, and then changed physically once again when he got fit. It's awesome to hear.
9 Huge Helper
You need a lot of help once you have a baby, and hopefully you have a nice community that can lend a helping hand, from family to friends and maybe neighbors. But what about your husband? You want him to help you out, right? This is often a source of stress for couples who have just had a baby.
On Reddit again, a wife talked about what a big helper her husband has become: "He helps out so much now, and seeing him get excited when our son discovers how to do something new is probably the best thing in the world."
8 A Big Change Right Before
It's always interesting to hear how a marriage starts to change once a couple is expecting or adopting. They know that they're going to have a little one in their house soon and that's going to be super different.
One woman shared on Reddit that she saw some amazing things going on with her husband during this time: "We're going to start being foster parents soon. He went from working in crappy call centers and Walmart to working his way up in a great business and being really successful in it. Went from eating frozen pizza to making our own pizzas from scratch."
Isn't that so inspiring to hear?
7 I Miss You
Having a baby is wonderful (just think about all the snuggles and all the firsts that we get to see this little one experience) and hard (sleepless nights).
Having a baby can also make our husband miss us, and hopefully we can work through that as a couple so we can stay together and have a beautiful family.
That's what happened to this woman who wrote on Reddit, "My husband missed me, yes. What little time we had together was cut down even more. The only thing he’s ever admitted being jealous about is getting to feel our kids kick around inside."
6 Patience Is A (Parenting) Virtue
Having a baby changes so much in our lives, including our routine, and especially the hours that we sleep.
"He got more patient and wakes up earlier - a definite win for my early-birdie self," wrote one woman on Reddit of her husband after they had a little one.
This is an example of a husband changing and moving in a positive direction: learning the art of patience and waking up with the sun. Many of us would love for our husbands to make these changes after we start our family. Or maybe we're not early birds ourselves so that's the change that we have to make.
5 Still A Couple
While becoming a mom means that everything is about your baby, you can't forget about your husband who you have loved for so long and who is also your family.
That might seem obvious but many of us struggle with this after becoming mothers.
On The Bump, one mom said about her marriage, "Once we had our baby, we were a little distant from each other. It obviously hurt my husband's feelings—we were mostly distant because all I wanted to do was be around the baby. So he made me sit down and he lectured me about how we are still married and our relationship is just as important." That dad and husband is totally right.
4 A New Hobby
Seeing our husbands discover a new hobby or interest is really beautiful. For this mom and wife who posted on Reddit, her husband got a new hobby after they had a baby, and she thought that it was really cool.
She wrote, "He plays video games less frequently and his hobby now is woodworking but all his projects are for me and the kids. He built me a dresser/changing table for baby number two because I couldn't find one I liked to go with our crib which is amazing and I love him."
We're wishing that our hubbies did this now...
3 Kristen Bell: A Good Marriage
We love when celebrities open up about their lives and their marriage, especially about how having kids changes a marriage. According to Good Housekeeping, everyone's fave celeb couple, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard (who are both so adorable and wonderful), go to couples therapy and it works really well for them.
After being married and having children, they fight better and have figured out a communication style.
Dax says he doesn't have "contempt" for her and wants to always talk about things. She has also said on Instagram that he is now sober and no longer uses drugs, and he made huge changes for himself and also for the family.
2 Chrissy Teigen: More Tired
Everyone's other favorite celebrity couple, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, have two adorable children. We also know how in love they are. How have things changed for them?
As this story on Motherly says, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend's relationship has changed after they had kids, just like everyone else's.
They don't have as much time for each other, and Chrissy said that they are both tired now.
Who can't relate to this?! This is definitely one of the toughest things about having a baby and it seems like every married couple could agree that this is something that they have to work on.
1 Blake Lively: All About The Schedules
Okay, so we have a lot of favorite stars who are married. We also adore Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.
Blake was interviewed by Glamour magazine in 2017 and talked about how she and Ryan Reynolds don't take on film roles at the same time so that one of them can be home with the kids and so they make those sacrifices for each other. She said, “We’ve each given up stuff we loved in order to not work at the same time. I’m fortunate to be in a place now where I get to find the material — a book or script — early and develop it. So I know ahead of time that I’m going to be working on this job at this time. And we can plan around it.” Awwww.