More and more women are choosing to become a stay at home mom (SAHM). If the option is available, they are jumping on the chance to stay home and spend time raising their children while the husband goes out to work. It is a controversial position, one that some deem too ‘old-fashioned’ and then there is the constant struggle on whether it is actually a ‘job’ or not.
All that aside, it is always an interesting perspective to find out what the working dads and men of the world think about moms who choose to stay home with their children. It is normally a family decision, so what do the men have to say?
The reviews are mixed here as well. Some men absolutely love and respect their partners for staying home with their children, something they don’t think they could ever do. Other men seem to think it is the ‘easy way out.’ It is important to explore both sides of the fence.
What gets even more interesting is when men have opinions about it that we are sure were never vocalized to their partner, they knew better than to say it to them. These men smile and tell the mom that whatever makes her happy is good enough. This is why some men have made their comments anonymously. The good or bad, it is always interesting to hear both sides, and we have found 20 men (some dads and some not) who would like to discuss what they think about SAHMs.
20 More Respect
We are going to start with one which we wish all were like. This dad obviously has the utmost respect for his wife and the mother of his children. “I think that stay-at-home moms deserve all the help they can get to make it through the day and all the support that a spouse and extended family and community can provide to a woman who has dedicated herself to keeping her kids healthy, happy, clean, fed, entertained, educated, exercised, loved, and placed upon a path toward a productive, responsible place in the world.”
This is a very positive and uplifting comment from one dad. To be fair, we are not sure how much this matters, this dad did used to be a stay-at-home dad. He does know the struggle it can be to stay home with your children.
19 It’s A Secret
We mentioned earlier that some dads have opinions that they know will not be well received by their significant other, so they don’t always blurt out the truth. It is not always with bad intentions, much like this next dad. His secret would mean better opportunities for his family.
“Although my wife is a stay-at-home mom with two kids, deep down I wish she worked. A second income would really help. Plus, I think it would be better for my wife, who has suffered from self-esteem issues ever since she quit her job to stay home with kids. At my office, I meet a lot of moms who work, and they are interesting people, engaged with the world. My wife, on the other hand, is somewhat detached from reality, a shadow of her former self.”
18 They Have It Good!
We have come to one of the negative ones on our list, and it may be one of the more tamer ones on our list. This one comes to us from a 50-year old dad with three boys. He feels like moms who work appreciate things in life much more than SAHMs. Maybe the higher sense of appreciation comes with the thought that they appreciate the time with their children more because they work during the week.
“I believe I have a biased opinion in that my mother worked, and I employ many working mothers. Working mothers tend to have a broader understanding of choosing priorities and sacrificing fun-to-do things. They also seem to have a better appreciation for the value of hard-earned income. That's not to say that stay-at-home moms don't appreciate these things, but in my experience working moms appreciate them more."
17 It’s The Same
When a mom stays home with her children, it normally means that the dad is off at work and a lot of dads work in an office. Before becoming mothers, a lot of women worked in an office setting as well and this one working dad seems to think that being a SAHM has its similarities with working in an office. After reading why he thinks that, we can’t say he is exactly wrong.
“Stay-at-home moms have THE most difficult job. There is nowhere to hide, and you are constantly on call. That said, the easiest part of being a stay-at-home dad is knowing that the person throwing temper tantrums is actually a child. Children cry, whine, manipulate, and are naturally full of drama. Unfortunately, at my office now, some 'grownups' don't recognize those attributes are no longer necessary!"
16 Let’s Be Honest …
There are always things you should never say to a SAHM, and this dad manages to say just about every single one of them. "My wife is a stay-at-home mom, and I do think her job is harder than mine in that she works incredibly long hours. But it's also a low-skilled job, similar to cleaning houses or doing laundry, and due the laws of supply and demand, I do not think she deserves half my salary if we ever get a divorce!”
He starts off kind of strong, acknowledging that it is a hard job that involves working a lot of hours, but it all seems to go downhill from there. He does go on to say that if they were to divorce, instead of getting half she should get what she would normally earn by working those professions, which would not be much.
15 Up To The Mom!
Many people, if not all, recognize that the decision for a mom to stay at home with her children is a decision that is made by the whole family. That the husband should have an input in it as well, as it will affect the family’s financial situation, unless you are a Kardashian. This dad of three kids thinks that it really depends on the woman.
"If a woman is driven to achieve in a career that she is passionate about, she probably should go out and work. If she stays home, she's likely to become unhappy, and that unhappiness will probably take its toll on the children at some point. My wife was happy to be a homemaker and comfortable in that role, and for that I am grateful. But I think there's nothing better for a child than being raised by the person who cares for them most."
14 Society Depends On It
"My kids are now grown, but even before we got married, my wife and I agreed that she would stay home with the kids. Now, when I see women out during the day with their younger children at stores, parks, etc. I get a wonderful feeling and think that a society that still values full-time motherhood has a chance. My wife and I believe that full-time motherhood was one of the best things that we did in raising our children. The few bucks that we had to forego was more than made up by seeing how well our children turned out as adults and parents themselves."
This dad truly understands the value in having a parent be able to stay at home with their children. It is not as common as it once was, with the cost forcing a lot of parents back to work after the birth of their child. Maternity leave is also not great in some places, making it impossible for a mom to stay home with her baby even more. He may value the importance of it, but we don’t think many countries do.
13 May Be Hard Later (For Men Too!)
This next dad is thinking of the future, he is thinking about the day his partner or any SAHM may want to return to work. Usually, when the children enter school, mom may decide to go back to work because there is just not much to do throughout the day without the kids there. Having a large gap on a resume may not do the mom any favours. The difference is this dad is speaking from experience as he returned to work after staying home with his kids.
“Only when I tried to get a job after being a 'mom' for 28 years, I was treated entry level! Lots of job counselors kept telling me how 'my skills were transferable,' but in reality, nothing I did for 28 years counted for anything in the job interview, whether given by man or women ... So, to me, the question is not 'what do men think of women who stay home?' but 'what does society think of people who stay home?' And nobody, neither men nor women, respects the stay-at-home parent when in a business setting. In the mall, everyone loves it, but in an office, nope!"
12 I Don’t Envy Them
I am a SAHM and there are times when I wonder if my husband is a bit jealous of the fact that I stay home with our children while he goes to work. It is not surprising that a SAHM does get to spend more time with their children, and they may be there to witness milestones that dad would miss. This dad stays home with his children three days out of the week, and this is enough to make him appreciate everything a SAHM does.
"My wife makes enough that I don’t have to work full time. So, I work two days a week. The other three days I make sure our boys do their homework, exercise and make it to their other activities. And to be honest, the days I go to the office have become a haven of intensity after the endless trivia of algebra problems, orthodontist appointments, bad grammar and supervising the boys' chores. Part-time is fine. I would never want this for a full-time job."
Most of these have been very respectable and nice, and it is refreshing to not hear too many negative responses to women who stay home and watch their children. This one may be the best of them all, because this man is claiming that all SAHMs are superstars. He may just win husband-of-the-year for this attitude.
"Growing up, I had a mother alongside of me providing me with love, courage and positive life lessons that I still carry to this day. This is something that the traditional schooling system and daycares do not provide but are essential to well-balanced and happy individuals. Mothers provide this very important and needed role in our society, and I am happy to offer my wife the opportunity to fill that role, one that she happily chooses and equally felt was very important.”
10 Financially Irresponsible
It is no surprise that when women stay home with their children, the family’s finances may take a bit of a hit. The family soon relies on one income, and that can be enough to make any family struggle. One gentleman seemed to think this was very important and he took to an online source to vent his concern with SAHMs.
“Personally, I think most SAHMs are shooting themselves in the foot for comfort later in life. My idea is that a woman who stays at home with the children isn’t putting money away for retirement, assuming the man will earn enough to provide for them both in their golden years. But who’s to say that relationship will last?” Well, many people choose to think more positive than that.
9 I Don’t Want To Support My Wife
“I don’t want to support my wife financially indefinitely. Part of the reason I like her so much is she has an amazing drive and work ethic. She wouldn’t want to support me either I’m sure. We both work a lot, but we also want to retire early and travel. We have no kids and are not planning any.”
There are mixed feelings about this though, because he is basing his thought on the notion that he and his wife are not planning on having any children. It may fall into the same category as a woman without kids trying to give advice to moms. Some also say that when you marry someone, you are making a vow to support them in any way you can.
8 Entire History Of The Human Race
Some of the ones on this list have been pretty iffy, they are not the nicest, but we can kind of understand. This one seems very out of left wing and if it was said to a SAHM it would be sure to cause some ruffled feathers. It is unclear if this gentleman is a father or not, but I would put money on the thought he does not have any children. Read at your own risk.
“I could never be with someone who is okay with not being able to provide for themselves. Being a mother is one of the easiest and most common things in the entire history of the human race.”
7 I Would Love To Do It
This one is a bit comical, because it shows us how this dad wishes he could stay at home with the children, but it also shows us how he has no idea what it involves. It is no surprise that a lot of men don’t really understand what it takes to be a SAHM, and that is simply because they aren’t home to see what goes into it.
“I would love to be a stay-at-home dad someday. My mom stopped working a few years after I was born and hasn’t gone back. I think she really enjoys it. She does a lot of things in the community that she couldn’t possibly do if she worked. I would do things that I enjoyed while being home; exercising, woodworking, stuff around the house (besides the obvious taking care of kids thing).”
6 A Bad Idea (For One Reason In Particular)
Most of the opinions surrounding the thought of a SAHM revolves around finances, and we get it. The world is not a cheap place and people are not making the money they used to. It takes a lot of money to get by in this life to make things work, so it is easy to see why finances would play a big role in the decision to be a SAHM.
“I think financially relying on a spouse or SO is a terrible idea, so I’d say I’m against SAHM. The reason is that in my opinion, both parties should be financially independent to avoid external reasons for staying together. If a woman has earned $0 in years, then how would she support herself without a man?”
5 Just For Me
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and that is OK. Some people get confused on the difference between an opinion and fact, but not this gentleman. “For me – no. I need a woman who is more than a nanny and house cleaner. However, I don’t think it’s wrong for a woman to do that if that’s what she chooses and wants for herself.”
The only problem with this thought is the idea that a SAHM only sees herself as a nanny and cleaner. Sure, there are times when a woman feels like all she does is clean up messes and make meals for her family but being a SAHM is so much more than that.
4 Can We Split It?
There are sure going to be a lot of dads out there who wish they could also have the opportunity to stay home with their child. Unfortunately, if we think that a lot of the maternity leave policies are not up to par in most countries, then paternity leave is non-existent. Dads don’t always get mandated stay home with their children, and if they do it is taken out of mom’s leave. This one dad lives in a place where men do get time off, but not much.
“It’s nice to have a clean house and dinner ready when home from work, but I preferred if we could split the time staying home. In my circles, women are home a year, and men half a year on average.” That is still a lot more than most dad’s get around the world.
3 I’m Old-Fashioned... But Ouch...
Being a SAHM is sometimes thought of as being old-fashioned, and it is. Back in the ‘Leave it to Beaver’ age, it was normal for women to stay home and care of the kids and the house. In fact, it was considered odd for a mom to go out and work a job. This dad states that he is ‘old-fashioned’ but not in the way we expected.
“Nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom. But, I’m a bit old-fashioned; I don’t really buy that taking care of one kid (your own kid, no less) is by itself equivalent to a full-time job. You have to be doing a lot of things that make a single-income household liveable.”
2 I Want Her To Be Happy
We may have another entry that earns this man ‘husband of the year.’ When you are married, or in a committed relationship, the biggest factor for a lot of decisions should be if it makes the other person happy. Money is important, but not as important as happiness.
“I love my wife and I want her to be happy. She should do whatever it is that makes her happy. I think a lot of the heated rhetoric stems from people that have been hurt or are defensive of their choices. Truth is, every compatible couple will have something that works for them and they should devote themselves to discovering that something and pursuing it.”
We have decided to leave the weirdest thought about SAHMs for last. “I think they’re kind of parasitic to be honest. That’s my unadulterated thought. I realize they aren’t just sitting around watching soap operas all day, but they are having their lifestyle subsidized by their partner having to put in extra hours/years at work when he or she could be home getting to interact with the children as well.”
The truth is, having a parent at home has been shown to be beneficial for the child, and the face of being a SAHM is changing. More and more families are choosing to have the dad stay home with the kids while the mom goes off to work. At the end of the day, whatever works for your family is the best option.
References: thestir.cafemom.com, rebelcircus.com